Hello everyone. My father has been in assisted living for one year now and has been doing well. He is however showing a steady decline. He used to go swimming on a regular basis when he moved in now he doesn't. He stays in his room a lot more often, too. Overall, assisted living was the best situation for him. I can't believe I was so fearful.
I said I wouldn't talk about my family again but there was one incident that happened over Christmas and I would like some opinions. First, everything with my family has been fine, for the most part. The background is that I treated my two nephews very well while growing up. I was working so I only saw them on the major holidays and birthdays. I went all out on every birthday, with some very nice gifts. So they really don't know anything else about me other than that. I have been told they have always been well behaved and were excellent students. Here's what happened.
I go over to my brother's on Christmas day. At some point my one nephew, age 19, was sitting alone at the kitchen table. I sat next to him. He stares straight ahead and in a low volume unemotional tone says "Aunt Lisa is a loser." I couldn't believe he said that! I just sat there for a minute then my father called for me in the living room. I don't know what to make of this. I haven't been over to my brother's since nor have I seen my nephews. What do you make of this? Isn't that bizarre? Hurtful? I don't know what to feel. Has anyone else experienced something like this?
Please know that I am not trying to be rude in any way.
I think most people realize that everyone in this world doesn’t have to like us. Do you realize this?
I am fine knowing that some people will like me and others won’t. I don’t need everyone to like me, whether they are family or not.
Does it really matter what this kid thinks of you? His brain isn’t even fully developed yet. You don’t need his approval.
Why are you focusing on what you did for your family years ago?
Yesterday is over. Live in the present. You’re young, don’t waste your time and energy on all of this stuff.
No one has a perfect family. So don’t expect your family to be the exception.
I am glad that your dad is doing well. Take care.
What I would have done is stood up right in his face and said EXACTLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM THAT YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO SAY SUCH A DISRESPECTFUL THING TO ME AS YOUR AUNT? I'd have made him expand on such a foul remark and we'd have had it out, right then and there.
Stand up to the LOSERS in your family who feel justified in saying anything they want to you. Then rid yourself of ALL OF THEM, once & for all, so you can choose stop being a punching bag for disgraceful people.
They don't have to like you, and you don't have to put up with their chit anymore, then come here and ask, "what would you do?"
How many times do you have to have your hand put in the fire before you accept that it burns?
You, your brother, and his family should no longer be part of your life and you part of theirs. There's no love loss between you and your brother, or with his wife and kids.
They do not want you around, and you should have enough respect for yourself to stop ingratiating yourself into their lives. Find a life for yourself where you can be with people who actually want you around and who appreciate you.
As for your 19 year-old nephew. I too have a nephew that age. If he ever said such a thing around me, he'd get a slap across the face. The fact that your brother and SIL did nothing should be an indicator that they have no respect for you and don't want you around. Some people don't value family.
Move on, Lisa. Really, it's time for you to move on. Find a new family.
I think many other people have a brain that allows for eliciting phycological pain in others. I do not. I'm very literally and polite but also very sensitive to being stepped on, so to speak and people get that. One thing that I noticed that at least makes me feel on top is that people who do these kinds of things typically get some kind of misfortune or then at some time see me in a great, enviable position. That has happened numerous times and some times happens very quickly.
During my son’s wild years (18+) when he would speak to me like that I’d remind him that if he said that kind of stuff to someone else they might punch his lights out — and he’d deserve it.
Every choice in life has consequences.
If it happens again, just very calmly ask why he would say something like that. Often times teenagers say something they don’t mean out of frustration and regret it later. In the face of rudeness, choose peace.
And what I was trying to explain when I was talking about my boys
Please respect yourself enough to step away from them. Don’t spend holidays at their home. If they invite you, tell them you have other plans. Invite friends to your home or volunteer somewhere. Fill your life with people who do respect you. Family isn’t always a good place to be. First and always respect yourself.
You can’t expect a 19 year old to behave like a fully mature adult. He doesn’t have enough life experience. His brain isn’t even fully developed yet.
For all you know, he may end up being a responsible adult. I am not excusing his behavior but I certainly wouldn’t allow his remarks to consume my thoughts.
Nor would I throw gas on the fire trying to reason with him. You don’t have to defend yourself either because you know what kind of person you are. Say something if you want to get it off your chest and then drop it.
Don’t allow him or anyone else to steal your joy in life. Why should your blood pressure be raised over these incidents?
He’s not your kid. He’s your brother’s problem. Let his parents deal with his foolishness.
You have a long history of not getting along with you brother and sister in law. I’m sorry that your nephew is following in their footsteps.
I’m extremely fortunate that I have always had a great relationship with my nephews even when my brother and I disagreed.
My brother and I were able to resolve our differences and focus on the well being of our mom. My brother died and I am extremely grateful that we were able to see what was truly important in life.
I truly hope that your family can work things out. Every situation is different though and some relationships aren’t ever restored.
If your family relationships aren’t restored, all you can do is live your best life. You don’t have to allow a 19 year old, family or not, rob you of your joy in life. Don’t allow anyone to steal your joy.
Take care, Lisa. You’ll get through this.
The reality is that the brain not being fully developed until 25 is junk science and is simply a myth. It is not based in actual fact. A persons emotional intelligence (EQ) is the product of their upbringing. And unfortunately many have had low EQ parents which results in low EQ children who then become low EQ adults. It's the gift that keeps on giving generation after generation.
This kid may or may not be a little jerk off like his father. We are only hearing Lisa's side of the story - which may or may not be fully accurate as Lisa has her/his own cognitive issues that have caused many issues between herself/himself and the brother. All of which were caused by the father and his putting the brother on a pedestal and treating Lisa as less than.