I had to put my mom in a memory care unit in September. It was difficult at first, but as she became accustomed to living there she is doing much better. She isn't begging me to take her home all the time, although every now & then she'll ask me to drop her off at home. When I explain that I can't do that, she's fine. My current issue is that I am bringing her to my house for Thanksgiving dinner and I'm afraid that she will insist on going to her house instead of back to memory care.
This happened last month when I took her to a doctor appointment. I explained everything to her, but she got upset and was very curt with me for 2 days afterward. I certainly don't want this issue on a holiday. Other than explaining that she has to go back to memory care, does anyone have any ideas?
Will you have other guests for Thanksgiving? I'd consider if they are prepared and do you have someone who can sit with mom if she gets tired or agitated and needs to retire early. My LO doesn't tolerate a lot of noise and commotion, so that's another reason that celebrating at the facility and not overstaying works best for her. She tires easily.
Once at the facility: quick hug, kiss, hand over to the staff, run like the wind.
You are certain it's not a better plan to let her celebrate Thanksgiving with her community at the facility?
When my Dad moved into senior living, even when he was in Independent Living before moving to Memory Care, his apartment was his security blanket. Once in awhile he would go out with his caregiver to a doctor appointment then they would stop at Burger King for a hamburger and fries.
So for the past holidays such as Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter... Dad paid for me to be his guest for these holiday meals at the complex. It worked out great. So much easier then bundling up Dad, getting his walker and his cane, and trying to safely get him into the vehicle.
My Mom had passed just prior to the holidays back then, and sitting around the dining room table would have been sad not seeing Mom in her chair, or sitting next to Dad holding his hand. I just didn't want to put Dad though that.
Call the memory care unit ASAP to find out what procedures are necessary to hold her room. Many times during a hospitalization, a room is "given away." Good luck on the surgery!!
Blessings,
Jamie
I would call MC right away and advise them where she is and ask about charges for holding her room.
Talk to the doctors at the hospital; if they are going to send her to rehab after surgery, you might want to release her current room.
Are there any options other than surgery which most likely will escalate her dementia decline. Talk to a neurologist before surgery and the anesthesiologist about how they will sedate her. Less anesthesia is usually better.
Don't beat yourself up, she could have fallen at memory care too! Your heart's desire was to have your Mom at your Thanksgiving table.
Your Mom is relatively young at 64 (?), so it seems harder to realize her limitations and plan for that.
Could have happened to any guest, imo.
Hope the surgery helps her ankle, and that she is wherever she needs to be afterwards.
Are you okay today?
After I left the hospital, I went to the MCU to see why I wasn't called immediately (she was admitted last night) and was told that the on-call charge nurse at the MCU could not be reached, but they thought that someone had called me. Naturally, this happened on a holiday when they have a limited staff and I'm glad that the aid in charge decided to send her to the hospital, but I tried to reach the on-call charge nurse today and never got a call back! The aid that I saw this evening told me that the MCU will hold her apartment for 60 days. Fortunately, they have a rehab center there so maybe I can work something out with them to hold her unit.
I'm very frustrated that nobody from the MCU called me and I will deal with it on Monday. The communication is lacking at the MCU and this is the best MCU in my area!
Good that there is rehab where she is living. Any chance she can stay in her room and get necessary services there?
In the meantime, I am having problems with the hospital regarding surgery. I was over there yesterday and gave permission to do the surgery and, if needed, to give a blood transfusion. I also told them that I needed to know what time surgery would be today and if there was anything else I needed to approve. I explained that I had a funeral to go to today, but I wouldn't go if surgery and recovery would fall between that time. I called the hospital this morning and they told me that the surgery was scheduled for 10 a.m. so I knew that I had time for the funeral. During the funeral, my cell phone rang, and I was sitting in a place that I couldn't get out of without interrupting. When the service was over I looked at the number that had called and it was from a totally different area code. Thinking that it was someone I didn't know, I didn't call back until 15 minutes later and it was the hospital. They told me that I needed to approve the anesthesia and since I didn't call back in time, they postponed the surgery until tomorrow or Monday. I left the service and went to the hospital and asked to speak with the surgeon or any other doctor that could shed some light on this situation. I waited over an hour, but had to go to work and a doctor never showed up. I explained everything to the staff on duty, gave then my home number & asked for a call back. This was 2 hours ago and I still haven't heard a thing. Maybe it's my fault for not staying there, but I have to work to pay my bills, and I have yet to even talk to a doctor about the surgery itself! That doesn't seem right to me. I would have thought that the surgeon would have been the first one to call me when this whole issue came about. So, I will now wait to hear from the surgeon or another doctor familiar with the case to call.
I'm seriously venting here, and I thank you all for putting up with me!
I'm sorry for your mom's accident, that's sad it happened when you were just trying to show her a nice time.
Generally, yes, hospitals will call once and if you don't answer, they move on. Esp when it was a "emergency, but not life threatening" injury. They had no way of knowing how long you'd be. You chose to go to the funeral, and that kind of messed things up. I guess that is one reason they ALWAYS want a family member to stay at the hospital the whole time of the intake and surgery--so if anything arises and you have to make a decision, you're there.
Just a suggestion--don't go in hot and heavy---be polite and kind. You get the same treatment in return. I know you're frustrated, but the hospital is running on about half-staff, so cut them some slack.
Good Luck with mom.
I have an update. Mom is in the rehab section of the facility where her MC apartment is. I talked to her case manager and they are going to hold her apartment for as long as it takes for rehab to get her either walking on her own or with a walker. She is doing very well with her PT and the staff at the rehab is encouraged that she's working so hard.
I also found out why the MC unit didn't call me. Actually, they did call, but they called my cell phone & since my cell phone doesn't get good reception I couldn't hear the messages, nor did I recognize any of the phone numbers. We got that taken care of; they now call my home phone first. However, I still have not heard a word from the surgeon, even though I have left messages for him. His PA called me a couple of times but she didn't have the info I needed. Mom has an appt. with him this coming Tuesday & I will be there with her. I have several questions for him and will also address why he never called me. I will be nice about it, but it still irks me. I have a friend who works for the VA hospital and she told me that the surgeon's lack of communication wasn't acceptable. At any rate, I will get the answers that I need so my mom can get back to her MC apartment in a reasonable length of time.
I appreciate all of your thoughts and patience with me!