Some asked for an update on my post…
What do you think? Should I go on the trip?
When my parents moved up near me I started a habit of calling them every day. Pretty much “Hey there how ya doing?” kind of thing. They were up here for about a month then went back to their other home in FL. Kept up the habit. Last week when everything went down regarding my original post I got ghosted by my Dad.
Today I left a message saying that I know he is upset and that I am taking it as he doesn’t want to speak with me so I will give him some space and am ready when he is ready to talk.
He texted me back saying this…
”I am not mad, just broken hearted. I don’t think this can ever be fixed so from this point on please don’t try to contact us anymore. If anything happens to your mom I will let you know. I’m sure if something happens to me she will do the same.”
Feel like I have lost my Dad before I lose my Dad.
As for you, stand your ground and don't give in.
There was a poster from the UK, who'd tell his Father about his upcoming family trips away (with wife & kids). Father would develop chest pains the week before, or dizziness, or not feeling well in some way - every time - & plead, then demand he cancel the trip.
The Son stopped giving such notice - called on day of departure. You guessed it - Father says "Come quick! I think I'm dying right now! You'll have to cancel!!"
Hang up now Dad & call emergency services. I'll call you from Spain/wherever later tonight.
So much drama. My husband has a daughter who loves making a mountain out of a molehill, and always has. He calls it ADATT: All Drama All The Time. It's exhausting to be around these energy vampires, it really is. I had a mother who was ADATT too. She was dying or "killing herself" since I was young enough to cry in fear about it. Passive-aggressive to the point of insanity, too, where communication was literally impossible. Her FOG (Fear Obligation and Guilt) tactics were SO finely honed, it was a science. The silent treatment was my favorite because she finally STOPPED talking for awhile.
There is a good website you can check out called Out of the FOG, with a forum that's extremely eye opening.
https://outofthefog.website/
If my father sent me a text like yours sent you, I'd reply with, "Love you dad."
Don't believe for a minute you've lost your father......he's just using this strategy to scare you into action, that's all. It's not working this time, which is what you saying "love you dad" means. I'm not playing this game, pop.
Enjoy your trip and if you dwell on this text, dad wins. Because he's managed to ruin your vacation, which was his goal all along. If he's suffering, so should you.
I love love love your short and sweet "Love you, Dad". And then let HIM make the next move. We should perhaps design a chess board together, Forum members?
It reads to me like dad is making poor decisions and is exhibiting panic.
Has anyone checked out his cognitive skills? And I don't mean "name the president and tell me what day it is".
If he's ALWAYS been manipulative and prone to drama, I would advise simply being in contact with mom. And giving dad space.
But if this is new behavior and if mom is still in hospital or rehab, I think I'd give the Social Worker a call and explain that dad doesn't seem to be making adequate care plans for mom. And that you live quite a distance away and can't be there to do care.
If Dad says “ I need you here “.
“ Well Dad if you can’t manage living independently either , then it’s time to talk about assisted living for both of you “
That's fine. They were his choices, including his buying a home near you, then choosing not to live in it but to live farther away.
He's enough of an adult to make his own decisions.
He's lying. He is not only mad, he's furious that he cannot manipulate you into doing his bidding. I would doubt he was EVER very understanding of anyone's choices but his own. He is quite selfish. And exceptionally manipulative.
This is what I would tell him.
Dear Dad,
I'm sorry for your heartbreak. I always hoped you would be able to be proud of your son, and am saddened that's not the case.
You have always done things "your way" and I honor your wish to continue. Simply saddened that this is "your way" of doing things. You have had a good life. I must now look to my own.
I have had to make the decisions best for my life and my family. As a very strong and strong-minded man I am certain you will understand and honor that.
I trust in your abilities to find the resources you and Mom need at this time, and am saddened that not getting your own way has caused you to choose to cut off contact with me. It says little of who I am, but quite a lot about who you are.
Do know, should you ever change your mind, I am here. And should my contact info ever change I will update you. I thank you for all you did in raising me, and I thank Mom. Now I am a grown man who must make my own often difficult decisions.
I hope that you have made this decision with your own wife in mind, her wishes and her needs.
Your Son, Dragon.
You are being manipulated by a selfish old man.
You say you feel you are losing him before you lose him.
I wonder, myself, if you ever had him, or if you simply made him up. Because anyone who abandons a son for not doing his will is not much of a father. Imho.
And souvenirs .