I have had him to the ER once hoping tha they would put him in a geriatic pscyhiatric unit...but no place in the State of VA would take him because demential cannot be cured?
So the bottom line is that I am afraid of him. He is very healthy and can turn off his aggression when other people are around.
I have tried home health care, but he runs them off. I have tried to find a home, but cannot afford it and all of the demential care units have a waiting list of up to one year; I have applied for Medicaid....he was approved by the social worker for both home health and nuring home care. But I have not yet been approved for financial assistance.
I really wanted to try and keep him at home but I do not think I can continue to do this He is constantly in my face, threatening me, thinks I am seeing other "men" doesn't believe I go to work every day....on and on and on it goes....
Do I have options??? I am tired and scarced...
Call 911 next time anything happens and do not accept discharge. Do you have POA or guardianship? . There's a big difference. Call doctor tomorrow. Call APS as well
What resources do you have? Is he a candidate for memory care or NH?
And how about you; you sound defeated and depressed. Have you been to YOUR lately? (((Hugs))))) and sorry for so many questions!
If I had one doc I would get him to, it would be a geriatric psychiatrist, who might be able to medicate some of his symptoms. However, if this can't be done, I'd get him on the waiting list for as many memory care units as you can. If he needs to be hospitalized, you DON'T take him home.
Do you attend a support group? This would be a big help for you.
Can you contact your local police to see what's possible if he becomes violent toward you or others? Can you understand what's necessary - the minimum requirements - to obtain a restraining order? Can you move out until you're able to get him into a care center? Are there other family members who could stay with the both of you until there's an opening in a care center? Can he get anti-anxiety medications to reduce his anger?
Before doing anything though, it might be wise to see a family law attorney. I'm not suggesting divorce but if you do move out until space in a care center is available, what are your rights as his spouse? Does moving out automatically mean you're legally separated? Can you continue to make decisions and get information about his health condition and care options if you move out? If you are separated does that impact his or YOUR insurance coverage or his qualifications for state assistance?
In addition to state assistance there is are also VA programs. If he's a veteran he might qualify for care at a VA nursing home or clinic. My uncle had dementia and a violent temper, being in a VA home with other men seemed to have a calming effect on him. It's like he knew he was among other physically strong people so he behaved with more patience and self-control.
I hope you'll find some useful information in my rambling. Yours is such a stressful situation, I hope you can find some support group or family assistance to help you through this situation until you find an opening in a care center. Don't be afraid to dial 911 if you feel he'll injure you or someone else. If you're truly afraid it might also be wise to remove any guns, knives, sporting goods or other things that he could use to "defend" himself or injure others.
Best of luck and please keep us posted!!