Has anyone heard of voluntary wheelchair sitters?

If she started to refuse to walk 30 years ago you aren't going to convince her to change now. What you can do is refuse to do things for her you know she has the ability to do on her own, if family hadn't kept enabling this behaviour it would never have continued so long.

Your mother stopped walking at age 60? Was there a physical issue at that time? It sounds as though there might be a significant mental health issue here.

Your mom is seeking attention for some reason. It could be depression, or some other underlying reason. When she is in rehab she gets attention from staff when she does well on her exercises, even praise, when at home she gets attention when she doesnt walk ie forcing you to wait on her. Have you ever watched her from a distance when she doesnt know you are there to see what she does? Never put her in harms way, but if she can do more it would be good for her to move around. However at 90 the behavior is tightly set in so dont expect much of a change.

Rosy, you ned to get her into a lovely facility. Get your life back.

SusanA43 ~ You have seen the light. I saw it 5 years ago when I was 52 years old. I had been care giving my elderly Mom and in-laws for 3 years at the time and one day when I was home climbing the stairs (I have a 2-story home), I got to the top and was out of breath. I realized then and there that I was not taking care of ME. I had let the pounds creep on, was eating junk too often and neglecting myself (physically and mentally).

The next day I joined Weight Watchers and by hook or by crook, I rarely miss a 1/2 hour weekly meeting (their support is unwavering). As of today, I've lost 30 lbs. and still would like to lose another 20. I had an epiphany that day and said to myself that I cannot take care of my elders if I didn't put me first.

So to all of us caregivers, I plead with you all to take care of your needs first. You deserve it.

Get an OT (occupational therapist) to come to the house and find out why she is not walking. Or it could be she has convinced you to wait on her hand and foot.

Perhaps she is chronically depressed and fearful of doing things on her own.

So she has been playing the "I'm old and helpless, wait on me card" for 30 years?
Wow. Ramiller an cwillie are right of course. At this point her sense of entitlement has won out over any desire to be self-sufficient, and has been too strongly reinforced. You don't say where she is cognitively and it is probably hard to tell... Any little triumph over this sad set-up will be a real accomplishment!

Thanks. I know i wont change her but it is odd. Yeas she had a knee problem in her 50s and wouldn't have surgery for a long time. When she finally did, she refused to do the follow-up therapy. My father treated her like a princess and i had become accustomed to thinking of her as incapable. Over the yearsi have realized that much of her invalidish behaviour is chosen. Of course, with many years of inactivity, she has lost some capacity. Plus being 90. She isnt changing at this point, butI am worn out. I am sure she is depressed. She takes antidepressants. I just was frustrated after watching her in rehab (without her knowledge) doing many things like stair climbing, ball tossing, etc. Then i come in and she sits and whines. I am a slow learner

Perhaps if you told her that she would be going to a facility if she does not resume walking would be a motivator. There are no consequences for her not walking. You do all the work for her.