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My MIL is a widow for a few years now. At the time my BIL was living there and shortly after went through a divorce. He did some really shady things when FIL passed- getting power of attorney and having my MIL sign documents-she was in duress in a really bad place. He went on to spend every penny of her life insurance and then some. She was furious -tons of things happened and she wanted him kicked out, etc- but when we put her feet to the fire she backpedaled as he had nothing going for him, nowhere to go, etc (he's almost 50!). Fast forward, nothing got changed-he's still in control of everything. He has TRASHED the house and it is right out of an episode of hoarders. Not only that, we went to visit and the home is severely neglected. Mold, roof leaks, septic tank full and leaking threw the grass, dangerous for MIL to move around because of hoarding. My step-daughter and fiance moved into her basement recently and are expecting a baby- she is very young and has done a great job though clearing things out- I gave her a number for a junk removal and they got the 1st load done. We told them everything that needs done. My MIL has brought up again changing her POA to my husband to her multiple times but when we visited, nothing. My BIL is now doing well, he owns his own business and has plenty of money to get his own place and be ok.
It is flat out elder abuse (the hoarding, house neglect and abuse of her finances, including to build/maintain his own business). I told my husband he needs to have one last sit down and get serious with his mom- does she want to be free of this, does she want the house taken care of, him removed from POA and him taking over and caring for her health/home? Then, act. We don't even know where to start? An attorney? What kind of attorney? Do we need to report this to some authority? Will that backfire? She claims to be so upset about what he's done but when push comes to shove 'he's my son'-and she lets it go.


I told my husband it's no different then a woman in an abusive situation-she's been conditioned to accept what he's doing and is afraid to act. She told my stepdaughter she's scared of what he will do when he receives notice that he's no longer POA. All I could suggest is her changing her bank account. Or pulling the money temporarily into a cashiers check- the revocation should remove him immediately from anything his name on is with her so he can no longer make changes, right? Would have time between notified to do any damage, if so, what kind of damage?


We did know it was bad- we didn't know it was THIS bad (structural to the home now). He's also submitted insurance claims for damage (water) to basement, and since he was a contractor, took the check for my MIL and did NOTHING. So insurance fraud. Now I don't know if she can even make another claim.


It was such a lovely home....it is wrecked. He also does NO work for the home, no dishes, no yard work, just brings in more and more junk. Boats and such growing trees out of them, I mean it's BAD guys. We don't know where to start.

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I would call Adult Protective Services to get the ball rolling, who will come in an access if your BIL is looking after her correctly, and examine the house. And I would also contact a family lawyer and attempt to get custody of your mother-in-law. I wouldn’t do one and then the other. I would do them both at the same time.
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You need to start with you can only do what she's WILLING to do. She doesn't seem to understand that her complaining to your husband may set off a chain of events that will be very uncomfortable (and surprising) to her. Currently, to remove him from the house she'd need to file an eviction form at the courthouse (which can cost about $300). This is assuming his name is not on the title. Once that form is submitted she posts the eviction notice on the door to his bedroom (or wherever he sleeps). He will have 30 days to get out and when that 30 days is up he can be escorted out by the police. This can differ by state so check don't make any assumptions, be sure to ask what the process is. But of course there is familial ramifications for this and your MIL needs to not change her mind or she'll be wasting everyone's time. And I think your BIL knows this is how it's going to go down.

If your husband made an appointment for himself and his mother with an elder law attorney to change her PoA, the attorney would take her into a room to privately interview her to make sure she is not being pressured to do this and to see if she fully understands what PoA means and how it would impact her. So, there's the chance she would say she wasn't willing OR the lawyer might feel like she has cognitive impairment to understand what she's doing. You could bring along pictures from the filthy house to remind her once there.

Even so, at this meeting at least your husband and his mother could just consult with the attorney to understand future issues with how BIL's neglect and financial abuse will impact your MILs ability to qualify for Medicaid (to pay for her future care if he's drained her). At this point if she doesn't have any cognitive decline she may have a moment of courage to legally protect herself.

If your MIL currently does not have a medical diagnosis of cognitive/memory impairment then even calling APS will probably not have any effect, legally or otherwise. And, if she does have an existing diagnosis then she would not be able to assign a new PoA. Then your husband would need to pursue guardianship through the courts, which your brother will probably fight and can cost upwards of $10K. I think your best course of action would be to consult with an attorney before doing anything further, and bring before and after pictures of the house. Good luck!
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