Many of us here have asked caregivers who are not proactive about finding alternative care for the ones they’re caring for what would happen if they “went down”.
Well, this weekend I’ve had the flu and all it’s fun symptoms, PLUS a raging toothache. But, in the midst of my misery, I’ve still had to care for hubby. Laundry needed to be done, dishes needed to be washed, meals had to be made. My husband had to be gotten up out of bed, dressed, undressed and back in, bed cleaned and changed and now he’s telling me he needs to poo which will be another bed change. Yesterday, he yelled at me for sneezing. Then, even though I was light-headed with fever and chills, he said he wanted pizza and wings. (Nope)
So far, I handled it. I’ve also handled it after hip replacement surgery, gall bladder surgery and the death of my mother. So, do you think maybe we caregivers need to give ourselves more credit for our strength?
You are Superwoman, that's for sure!
I hate to be Debby Downer, but it sounds like DH has regressed since coming home from rehab?
I know there will come a time when I can no longer care for him and so does he. There is no way he’d ever be able to live alone in this house. My kids wouldn’t be able to care for him, at least not in the style to which he is accustomed. I would never, ever expect them to take him into their homes.
We have been living one day at a time for a while now. I know where he will go when the time comes—where my mom was. Our wills and POAs are in order. We have no assets so there’s no issue with that. The biggest job of disposing of our household and house will fall to our son. I’m not ignoring the inevitable, really. But at this point, I just can’t let it overtake every second of every day.
Thanks friend. I know you say this to me because you care.
I would be locked away in a mental institution somewhere. I would commit myself if someone else wouldn’t beat me to it. I just know I would go over the edge.
I hope you feel better very soon and you get a break. I suppose getting a break would be a miracle, huh?
And GET SOME HELP IN! Isn't there anyone you call on, just for a day or two? Any help would be better than no help - they can stick on a wash load and bring pizza, surely.
I had to keep going too,no matter what,not just for Mother but also my animals who counted on me and I know it isn't easy.
My bones just started breaking on their own,without any falls or anything.First I was doing the dishes on Thanksgiving one year and my wrist just broke.Then one morning when I woke up & my foot was broken.Every movement was painful.My doctor put me on Prolia to help stop the bone breakage and thankfully that stopped it,but I certainly remember how much harder it made everything.
I sure hope you get to feeling much better and soon~
I have steel rods in my arm but it was from an accident. But doing dishes? You must have been shocked. Were you washing extra heavy pots and pans?
Glad the meds stopped the breaking of your bones.
Please tend to that tooth, and rest and recover as much as you can.
It would be good for every caretaker to talk to a support person[s] for this type of situation - better to plan & not need it than to not plan & have panic added to an already bad situation - if you can't find a 'back up' person talk to whatever social services there just in case
Excellent observance of insanity! Great point.
YES, we need to give ourselves more credit for our strength. That is exactly what I have advised my own clients... it's just tougher to do when you look in the mirror.
Hang in there... sending you love and good energy. Sending energy to you 10/29 at 6:54 PM .
Take your tooth pain seriously. Infections in the mouth can cause heart problems if they are not attended to.
What you need to give yourself is okay to get help. If there isn't enough income to afford it, seek out alternatives (VA if hubby did service, some in-home care via Medicaid if he would qualify, friends, family, etc who could just come clean for you, do laundry and/or do some meals, just to give you a breather if nothing else pans out.)
As you and others have noted, if you go down, where does that leave him? Burning the candle at both ends may get you that Atta Boy award, but at what cost to you? It isn't worth playing superwoman all the time.
I have never consciously played “Superwoman”. I have always done what I needed to do for a man I love very much and will continue to do so for hopefully a long time.
More credit? Honey, you are a miracle worker! As I type the words ‘miracle worker’ I think of Annie Sullivan.
Indeed Annie Sullivan had her work cut out for her, but you just may top her efforts!
I read that book in sixth grade and I never forgot it. Required reading in our school.
Helen Keller went on to accomplish so much. Annie’s hard work truly paid off. The difference with hard work as a caregiver to seniors is that they will continually decline and the realization of that is truly heartbreaking, isn’t it?
I am in no way saying that there isn’t a purpose for our caregiving to an older adult. Of course, we want our elders to be as comfortable as they can possibly be. In circumstances where that is nearly impossible, then it becomes so hard, emotionally and physically.
Giant hugs for you.
What would happen if you just blew up and threw things at the wall (nothing messy since you'd have to clear up) and ranted and raved that you can't take it anymore! Threaten to take the animals and get out of Dodge! Then do it. You're not asking to switch roles. You just need some appreciation and gratitude for all you've done for all those years. That's not asking for much. Yet it would mean so much. Try it before one fateful day you find yourself taking a frying pan to the back of his head. Stress is a silent killer, and that can go either way.