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I help to care for a 71 year old man (my ex husband and father of our 18 year old). Between the aging process and his lengthy history of abusing alcohol, his mental faculties are declining at a rapid rate. Not sure what agency to contact as he is resistant to any outside help. His bills are piling up and his house is extremely unkempt including the regular maintenance issues that have not been addressed for years. Now the neighbors are calling code enforcement for a water leak he never tended to. I’m at a loss here and it’s like watching a slow train wreck. My son and I have tried multiple times to clean and assist with household issues but the person I’m referring to is resistant accepting the truth of the whole situation. Any advice is helpful. Thank you in advance.

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1. This could be a combination of dementias, not just one. 2. I understand your wish to help your child, but you shouldn’t be so involved. 3. Inform his doctor that the patient needs a social agency to step in because he is no longer competent to look after himself. 4. Get out of there and let your son, who is now an adult, be involved or not as he wishes. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
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This is a different type of dementia. It's brain damage from alcohol abuse. It's called Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome. The alcohol damage is not limited to the brain. It also damages the cardiovascular system and the peripheral nerves. This dementia affects the cognitive functions, causes changes in personality and many physical problems as well, like poor balance, staggering gait, tremors, poor vision, personal neglect, weight loss and other problems related to poor nutrition and lack of vitamins. The dementia is not progressive and could improve with abstinence and nutritional treatment with plenty of vitamins, mainly thiamine. Of course, the problem is lack of cooperation from the patient and inability to quit drinking. It's fatal if left untreated.
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Your Ex might not believe there is anything wrong with him.. In his reality he might believe it is you and your son that are sick .. It is not denial as we know it, it is called Anosagnosia.. Where you are no longer married to him , it interest me to why you are so involved. Is there no one else in his life that could help ? Being a caretaker is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do .. In my situation it is my significant other . We have been together for over 30 years. I have a Durable Power of Attorney so I can legally make the financial and medical decisions. If you are going to stay involved get as much information as you can about Caretaking . Join a caretaker group . There are plenty online and have truly helped me .. Contact your local Council on Aging and ask questions . Legally you have no say about anything unless you have a DPOA in writing . If he is having cognitive issues it might be a problem getting him to sign .
One of the main thing I have learned by going to the meetings is I have NO power to change him or what he believes. What he does or what he doesn’t do . In 5 years of being Caretaker I have watches a vital, well educated man who taught school for close to 40 years, who ran a landscape business, coached wrestling, refereed wrestling and loved to play golf, change. I can hardly comprehend the changes. He can no longer use the TV remote , phone, sign a check, drive, complete a sentence, comprehend what he is watching on TV or get to the bathroom on time . He hasn’t played golf for 4 years.. He eats, watches TV and sleeps. If it wasn’t for my caretakers meetings and talking to a therapist I am not sure I would still be relatively sane . It breaks my heart .. He has lost who he was and I have lost him . BUT, I will do the best I can with what I have to work with to keep him safe and comfortable. My prayers are with you …
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TChamp Jun 2022
Is he an alcoholic or does he suffer from Alzheimer's? The two conditions are entirely different. Korsakoff dementia is caused by the deliberate abuse of alcohol. Alzheimer's is totally unpreventable, it can affect anybody.
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There's Adult Protective Services. You should report him as a vulnerable adult in need of supervision. Encourage the neighbors to call as well.

You can contact the Area Agency on Aging and tell them that he needs case management and a "needs assessment".

At some point, if he is deemed incompetent, the state will step in and take guardianship him.
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Looking4info Jun 2022
Thank you so much. I appreciate the guidance.
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