Hello, my mother lives with me in Montgomery County, MD. She isn’t yet 70 but has at least 10 Dr appts a month. All her social security goes to repaying Hopkins for these “necessary” medical bills. When she goes to appointments she uses a walker but as soon as she returns, she will pick it up and carry it to the closet. She loses her temper all the time and tells lies constantly. I’m divorced and want a life back. I’ve tried very hard and asked her to please see a therapist. She had 4 MRIs done in 1 week and has had ct scans and other unnecessary procedures. My aunt and I tried to go to her appointments but she gets mad and doesn’t permit. I need to know where I can put her. Her living with me is affecting my own mental health.
When you find somewhere else for her to live, who is going to pay for that?
Are you her POA? HCPOA? Are YOU her sole plan for caregiving as she ages? Do you have any siblings?
Welcome, unfortunately, to the club of abusive and difficult moms, whom we’re helping while we get abused. We are many. I think the other club (the club of sweet moms) has about 5 members.
“She loses her temper all the time”
Yup.
OP, as you know, if she’s mentally competent you can’t force her into a facility.
She lives with you in your house? Then you ask her please to find another place. You live in her house? Then you’ll have to move. You must have already considered moving, so what’s stopping you? Finances? Often daughters end up with their mothers because the daughter is broke.
Living as an adult with one’s mom (even sweet moms) is very difficult. It’s impossible (super damaging to one’s mental/physical health) if the mom’s abusive.
If she is competent , she can make poor decisions and you can’t do anything about that . You’ve already said she refuses a therapist. If you think there may be some dementia going on and you are concerned about her ability to live on her own , perhaps you could contact her doctor , let him/her know your concerns , and the next time she goes ( since it’s often anyway ) he/she could try to do an assessment . Good luck .
Time for Mom to have a place of her own. Love my daughters but we can't live together and I am 73.