My 78 year old single mother has been recently diagnosed with early dementia, depression and emphysema. She also suffers from anxiety attacks. She takes medication for all these but they only help a little. I am her only child and moved in with her 6 years ago after living abroad for most of my adult life. She is now very lonely during the day but too apathetic to do much about it. She is becoming increasingly possessive over me and looking to me for company which is becoming stifling as well as impractical as I work fulltime and in a relationship. She is not averse to going to a care home and we’re organizing a trial period to see how she gets on. The doctor has advised me on not telling her she has early dementia because this would burden her even further, however, without her knowing her condition she can't appreciate what the limitations will be for her. Will it help her to know what’s coming? Also, I'm increasingly feeling guilty of the resentfulness I feel that as an only child I'm suddenly in this situation. Are there any single children out there feeling the same?
Pick a place that is close to you so you can assure her you will visit. Also, at first maybe you can take her out once a week, take her to dinner or to church. This way she won't feel like she is locked up, and she can still live a normal life.
* She still may not understand her limitations although supporting her to accept herself unconditionally by loving her unconditionally will hopefully hope.
* I tell clients that "I'm going through the same thing" - forgetting - while it may not be exactly the same thing, it is comforting to another to know they are not alone.
Gena / Touch Matters (see below)
A transient ischemic attack (TIA) is a temporary period of symptoms similar to those of a stroke. A TIA usually lasts only a few minutes and doesn't cause permanent damage. Often called a ministroke, a transient ischemic attack may be a warning. About 1 in 3 people who has a transient ischemic attack will eventually have a stroke, with about half occurring within a year after the transient ischemic attack. A transient ischemic attack can serve as both a warning of a future stroke and an opportunity to prevent it.
Her largest but still "only" a TIA per all hospital tests... has left her half blind.
She also suffers from Vascular Dementia now.
the copy and paste official medical responses rarely reflect the reality that people live.
I would look for a new doctor, get a second opinion, and get a review of her conditions and medications (to make sure these are not the cause of any confusion she is experiencing).
As far as telling your Mom about the dementia diagnosis, I'd say it depends totally on where her memory is now. My Dad hasn't technically been diagnosed, but if he was I wouldn't tell him. He's at the point where he wouldn't remember anyway. He'll forget things that I told him 10 minutes before - and always forgets why he is a taking a memory medication and what it's for. (Ironic, right?)
If you really think that telling her will help her understand what's going on without making her depression worse that's one thing, but I don't know that it'll help her appreciate the upcoming limitations. You have to ask yourself if knowing that she's slowly losing her mind help her? You know her best.
If you feel the need to tell her about dementia- think about why- it isnt like she can prepare herself. Actually i think your preparation is more helpful- get a plan. Get resources and know what is coming and what more services she will need.
Is there a senior day care or senior group she can attend during the week so that you are not her only chance for human contact?
Can the dr advise if a health aide is possible to come in to be with her? Is it possible to advertise for a companion like college student intern in health field who may visit her for a few hours, or a church that does senior visiting?
As for being an only child - even in large families with siblings, the caregiver person who stepped up to the plate is, more often than not, an only child when it comes down to the work.
That's like telling a kid that they are going to die.
She knows that she is failing in many ways. Documenting it does not improve it.
What a wonderful thing that she is interested in a care home. Keep your fingers crossed. She may well say she doesn't like it so try to make the experiment last longer.