What can I realistically expect from private board and care home?
Sorry in advance for being so wordy …My 96 year old mother has late to mid stage dementia, had a mild stroke two years ago and is now wheelchair bound and unable to do almost anything for herself. She lived in an ADU in our backyard for 14 years and has had the money for me to hire four fantastic private caregivers who have been with us for the last 5 1/2 years (24hr the past 3 1/2). For financial, physical and burnout reasons we made the decision to move her to a nice private board and care home four minutes from us. She lived like a queen here at our house but now is living in a drastically less stimulating environment, thus my question:
What should I most realistically expect from a board and care home? Has anyone had/have personal experiences with these places? I’m distressed and thinking of moving her elsewhere but not sure if this is how they will all be.
Not sure what I would do without this community ❤️
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I had to place my loving and amazing grandmother in a nursing home. She begged me to see that she wasn’t taken to a home. My mom tried finding a group home (not a nursing home) and when I visited (this was in AZ, I live in IL) I saw horrible things. Despite my mom’s best intentions, it was an awful situation. My grandma lost 40 lbs in the shortest of time. It was not clean and no stimulation except the TV. It killed me seeing her this way. So I arranged to be the POA and swiftly moved my grandma to a nursing facility about 20 minutes from me.
I visited five days a week and hired someone to spend time with her on Sundays.
There’s a lot you won’t like to see. Residents who are ambulatory get the best care, as there’s more risk for falling. The awful truth is there is always staff shortages. But most staff want the best for patients but simply don’t have the resources.
I recommend stopping by unannounced and seeing what is wrong or right and swiftly take your organised list to the head of nursing. You really must be vigilant.
Be friendly with the staff and memorize their names. Let them know you’re there and sadly but true, your mom will get more attention. The squeaky wheel gets the oil — this could never be more true than in a nursing home.
Also, I decorated my grandma’s room with her own things. (Her side of a shared room) Curtains, photos, comfy chair, stuffed kitty (which she thought was real and it kept her company. She would pet it all the time.) And I asked the staff to call it her “apartment.” Some complied others didn’t. I even left soothing music playing for her (with the permission of her room buddy’s family).
People will thieve, not knowing they’re doing so, so things will get lost but typically you’ll find them again, in someone else’s room. (Put your mom’s name on everything!!)
To finish my story, six months into my grandmas new residence, she gained all the weight back and more! She was designated hospice when I first moved her here. My goal was no matter how much longer she has, she must know she’s loved and have visitors.
She live four more years!!! And her last words to me were: “Thank you for bringing me here.” Which was the biggest gift she could’ve ever given me.
I hope this is helpful to you! It’s difficult but please don’t let the guilt get to you. I wish you all the very best and I’m happy to help anytime if you have follow-up questions/comments.
Blessings!
The key to your grandma's successful stay was your attitude and actions. I spent over a decade at care facilities with clients, interacting side-by-side with staff. Every facility was understaffed;. With only one exception, every one of the individual staff members were kind, compassionate, and caring. The exception was a CNA who found "less than perfect" people disgusting. Fortunately, she left after a few weeks.
I saw first hand how important small gestures can be: a thank you note, a box of homemade cookies, or gift cards - even for as little as $10. -
And I strongly urge family members to find ways to be involved with the community. Offer a weekly program, such as story telling, joke-sharing, sing-along, or simply tea and conversation. There's generally a major void in activities right after dinner and on weekends. Talk to the staff for ideas.
I think one of the pros of these types of home is that there is limited staff so they get to know the residents personally, and there is a less "institutional" mindset.
On the other hand the intimacy and small number of staff can also be the greatest deficit because everything depends on the care and reliability of those few people. Even if there are excellent people working there there is no guarantee that they will still be there 6 months down the road, and if there are slackers there is less oversight.
Exactly what does that mean?
You will never find any place that will treat her like a queen.
You can expect that her needs will be met ie, fed 3 times a day with snacks, getting her up and dressed with basic hygiene daily, 2x a week showers, her room cleaned, bedding kept cleaned, bed made daily, medications managed, that type of care.
If she needs activities all the time and more one on one care, a board and care is not the place for her. You will need to step in or hire someone to be with her.
One of the reasons they are cheaper then a big facility is because they don't have the overhead of activities and the space and employees to run them.
Your state will have regulations that apply to care homes. Talk to your local Ombudsman's office or your state's health department. Also, be aware of "Residents' Rights" http://www.nursinghomealert.com/residents-bill-of-rights.
I also encourage you to stay involved with your mom, not just standard visits, but group gatherings to help her connect with other residents. Maybe you could offer a weekly group activity, like a sing-along.
They are all understaffed and your loved one can lay in their own urine and feeces for up to an hour before being changed.
You can't keep anything nice as it seems to walk away.
Thints go to the Laundry and never come back.
It's the last place you would want to put a loved one or even an enemy for that matter.
You should re think it and If there is any way possible to let her move back,, DO IT!
Seniors in Nursing Homes only live, more like survive for approximately 6 months.
When you go to tour the place, they show and tell you everything you want to see and hear as they are wanting your business and trying to make a Sale but the truth of it living there is Pure He'll.
She would be better off moving back, installing a Camera, I used Nest Cameras so I could check in by my smart phone or lap top at any time and then since you mentioned money reasons, just hire someone to be there to check on her a couple hrs in the morning, afternoon and evening instead of 24 7.
Believe me, you will see your Loved One go down hill fast!
Prayers
The only thing that I found that would create an eviction was physical aggression that couldn't be controlled. They all gave a chance with treatment before they said "out!".