What changes, if any, will you make for the upcoming new year? 2023 is just around the corner!

I wish that I would have known to research Parkinson’s disease more thoroughly long before my mother started needing more help.

I would have been more prepared knowing what I was dealing with.

She developed dementia later on and I had no idea of what that actually meant. I thought that it was something that people referred to when they spoke about someone being senile or slightly forgetful.

I didn’t think about caregiving in the long term. I kept pushing myself to get through it day by day.

It’s incredibly sad to know that often years go by before important decisions or changes are made.

Caregiver support groups are wonderful. I only wish there was some type of preparation class for caring for the elderly.

We need to be more aware of care providers such as home health, agency care, private care, assisted living, memory care, skilled nursing facilities and hospice.

Before we became parents there were parenting classes held in hospitals to prepare us for caring for our children.

How many of us are prepared to be caregivers? I know that I wasn’t fully prepared to take on such enormous tasks.

Another major concern that caregivers need to be aware of is how caregiving affects us emotionally.

Many experience anxiety and depression. Exhaustion can turn into burnout.

Burnout isn’t just harmful to the caregiver, but also for the person that is in need of care.

I plan to start putting out my own fires. By that, I mean that I am going to prioritize my own health and well-being. As soon as I became enmeshed (self-inflicted) in my parents’ care, I began to neglect my own health. I kept telling myself that I had to do “all the things” for them…and there are SO MANY things that come up daily. I found myself saying that I felt like I was just putting out fires all day long. I was doing that but not for myself. I’ve gained a ton of weight and I’m an emotional mess most days. I realize that I’m no help to anyone if I keep this up. So, I’m going to continue to support them as I can but I’m going to take the time and space I need to be well. Y’all feel free to keep me accountable.

Well, my mom passed away in 2022, and while I am not grieving hysterically--I also am not in a 'good place' emotionally. 2022 was a difficult year for me, healthwise and personally. We moved after living in the same home for 43 years. 2 of our children left the faith that so motivates us through life, and aren't content to simply be 'not active', they've become hateful and mean. They think it's funny to get under my skin. It's not funny, it's mean and hurtful...and they know it.

We had a rough year, both DH and I had COVID, big time, for 2+ weeks. This was while our new house was full of contractors and installers, etc. I was too sick to make decisions, and so some things just didn't get done.

I had a cardiac ablation to calm my erratic heartbeat--something I have had for 20+ years and thought was just normal. This procedure was done a week after mother's funeral. I do feel a lot better now, as I am still healing from that.

Trying to make new friends, trying to keep relationships healthy and alive with my kids, watching DH struggle to actually retire--and worried how he'll just wind up watching TV in his recliner all day long.

I'm going to take care of myself, really for the first time in my life. I can't do more for others if I am not strong. I hope to never see my MIL again (that I CAN control) and work on building some other relationships.

I promise myself I will never live my life caring for someone else more than I care for myself. My bucket is EMPTY and this year, I plan to fill it up with good things that I LIKE!

Getting some new eye glasses .

If possible, life this first year post-caregiving is worse than it was during the years my mom was still with us. I lost my "job," which as a stay-at-home mother, has been my profession for the past almost 30 years. I went straight from raising my kids to focusing on my parents' needs, so with everyone grown up or dead, I've been drifting at sea, especially since the final major task -- cleaning out and selling my parents' house -- was wrapped up in July. I'm not depressed from losing my parents or my kids moving out (life goes on), but I realized I haven't a single thing going in my life for me.

Hubs (who's driving me up a wall lately) and I have bought a house about an hour from where we live now, and the first half of next year will be spent remodeling it and getting it ready to live in. We're doing it in preparation for our own eventual geezerhood and doing the bathrooms to ADA standards, so I can just die in this house and not worry about ever having to leave it solely because it can't be maneuvered through with a walker. (As if NOTHING else could possibly happen to make me have to leave! LOL)

I intend to get heavily involved in the community, and be busy every day of the week. My brain is just withering away with inactivity and depression, and now that I have the freedom to do what I'd like, I don't have the slightest idea what to do. That's why I've chosen this new location -- it's a vibrant, volunteer-oriented community where everyone knows everyone. I intend to leap in with both feet and get involved in charities that have nothing to do with caregiving or the elderly.

That's the only part that makes me a little sad -- I've always loved older people and naturally gravitated toward them, but emotionally, I'm utterly and completely burned out.

We want to put our mom in Assisted Living or nursing home so me and my brother can FINALLY break free and untether from this continuing enmeshment

I cared for my dysfunctional late mother at home from 2008 until she had been moved to an Out of State nursing home near some family in 2013, then she passed there away 8 years ago on November 20th. It took me time trying to obtain better paying work until 2015 but found minimum wage work after I got laid off from a good paying job in early 2012.

I retired late last year but over the past year found more volunteer work and hobbies I enjoy. I do light candles on my late parents' anniversaries and holidays every year.

I'm not sure what next year holds for me & mom. My only sibling doesn't offer much help.

Focus on yourself.

What a good discussion starter!

While New Year's Day is just another day afterall - another day the sun will rise & fall - because of our man-made calender it seems a bigger deal.

It can be a good excuse to have a reflection back. To re-set. For a new start.

Some people dislike New Year resolutions. I love them!

I don't see any harm in looking at your wishlist.. from the minor to the major: from I want to lose 3 kgs, update my hairstyle, drink less to I want a new job, stronger relationships & a new home.

Why not actually make yourself a resolution or two? Not Yes/No = Success/Failure though! eg I want to do X by X date or I am a failure as a human. NO.

Achievable steps towards new goals. YES 😊

My changes so far include; resisting Christmas treats (some), booking a haircut, diarising phonecalls & catch-ups with people I want in my life. Also making the hard decision to seek further councellig - to clarify where I am & where to head next.

I no longer consider myself a 'Caregiver' but more of an 'Advocate'. It still brings stress. Trying to work out when & how to step in.. 'Duty of Care' vs 'Freedom of Choice'. Duty? Or not my business? Freedom? Or neglect?

Watch this space &
Happy New Year Resolution planning!

Next week, I will put mom in respite care for a week. It will be the first time she has been with anyone other than dad, before he died this year and then with me since. She will be there while I take time off work to tour facilities to put her in. I hope I find a good place with memory care that takes Medicaid. I hope mom is okay moving and it doesn't traumatize her too much. I'm very worried about this.
I will have to sign mom up for Medicaid since she isn't on it yet. I do have an attorney to help me. I hope it goes smooth.
Once mom is settled in somewhere I have to do something with her home. A lot of sibling fighting going to happen there, it's already started.
If I can get moms home figured out, my husband and I will hopefully, finally finish building our home that we are 5 years into and had to stop when dad died last January and I had to take care of mom and all my parents affairs.
It's been a hard year. The beginning of 2023 is looking hard too with what I am tasked to do but these things must be done.
I am determined to get mom somewhere where they can take better care of her than I am so I can be happy when I'm with her. I am so tired, it seems I'm never in a good mood around her and I know, even with the dementia, she feels it and it affects her.
I hope to make the correct decisions on my parents assets that are fair to everyone. I hope my brothers don't hate me too much for the decisions I make.
I hope I can move out of this trailer and into our new house this year.
I hope this new year is a good one for my family and I but I'm stressed thinking about it.

I have had enough after 9 months of taking care of my mother. She is extremely needy and selfish. She can do very little for herself and besides her social security, she has no other money since she spent it all on a house for my brother and his wife. Shortly after buying this house, my SIL and Brother began to physically abuse her. This is how I ended up with her.

I am resentful and angry. I can't even look at her without feeling hatred for her. There are pending criminal charges against my SIL and the court date keeps getting pushed forward. My plan was to wait for the charges to be finalized and then file a complaint with the detective of financial elder abuse and put a lien on their house. All this takes time and in the meantime, I am left caring for her.

For 2023, I am going to call my state's (AZ) ALTCS and find out what options are available to me. My understanding is that my mother will not qualify for Long Term Care since she gave away all her assets for 5 years. I cannot take care of her for 5 years. I just can't.

After three years of handling two moves, my grief over losing a child, and finding the care we both need in a new community while in isolation due to our comorbidities for Covid, I'll be concentrating even more on my dear husband. I will be learning more every day about how best to address his growing needs, and I'll be depending on this site for information.

I have reconnected by email with someonene who was my best friend for years until distance and life just seemed to get in the way. I plan to work on reestablishing this relationship. We have 30 years of good memories, and I want to make some more.

On a smaller scale, I am working on taking my own medication regularly, doing some care for myself each day (long bath, doing hair, or something similar), and trying to reestablish a routine for doing some crafting or writing. I just want to take a few minutes each day to feel like the person I was before caregiving consumed my life.

I am such a mess, I don't even know what to do right now to improve things for 2023. I know I need to build a life for myself in which I'm not waiting for people (and pets) to die before I can be happy. I'm hoping things will be better by summer.

I just answered Cinderblock….but one thing I’m doing is literal and it’s hard but feels good.

My folks threw NOTHING remotely sentimental away and having no help from sibling I ended up dealing with literally all of it. Now I feel like they’ve lived big lives and just LEFT this tremendous tons stuff with me, the janitor/drudge/museum keeper. Like they just thrust that role upon me, keeper of their Legacies.

Finally I just had it. What about my life? I need to build it and feel like I’m worth more than being the family janitor. So I’m getting rid of a bunch of the papers and pictures and stuff - NOTHING CRAZY - we’re talking excess pictures and freaking report cards from elementary school etc…There’s so much of the good stuff left it’s just beyond too much at this point. If it’s treasure of course it’s being kept. (And a lot has been given out )

My time and mental stress is still tied up in family stuff but physically I’m moving on from ‘ that which doesn’t serve me’. It’s very difficult to see papers from all these people who have passed, and of course at some point I’ll have to clear mom’s space she’s in now. But it’s amazing how even clearing out two boxes in my house of Excess Legacy I Didn’t Ask For makes me feel more like…..me?

I’ve also promise myself a beach cruiser bike when mom has passed. Gonna put a basket on the front and the back and then just look for the lady with messy hair and a baguette and flowers in the bike basket. This image sees me through some cranky days…

Hubby and I took care of my mom for 5 years when she had Alzheimer's, (quite some time ago). What I wish I had done beforehand, was to check out home health agencies in the area, Assited Living/Memory Care facilities, adult day programs, etc., before they were actually needed. I never thought my mom would get Alzheimer's, so checking out potential services was not on my radar. Unlike the Radar character on MASH, we didn't have a premonition as to what would come. My mom's symptoms were so subtle at first, and then when she was diagnosed, everything happeend at once. I had to find neurologists, learn about the disease, figure out how to deal with her mood changes, etc. Since Alzheimer's often accompanies older age, (but of course, not always), I'd learn about the services listed above, "just in case." I think www.alz.org is a good place to start. AARP also has information on caregiving. I don't work for either organization; I just thought I'd pass this along.

Continue to purge my home of unnecessary stuff.

Continue work on mentally moving on so I'm prepared for the next season of my life, which I pray will be peaceful and joy filled.

Continue to stay in touch with my cousins who are still living. Interestingly, we have begun over the past 2/3 years to re-establish our relationships with each other after having wonderful childhoods growing up together and then drifting apart over the years.

Forgive myself for my normal reactions to my sleep and my days being wrecked by dementia hell. Caregiving is one of the most difficult seasons of my life and I want to stop being shocked at how easily it can overcome me.

Last but not least .... Continue pursuing emotional, spiritual, mental and physical well-being through Bible study and prayer, eating as clean as possible, doing some form of exercise every day and keeping in touch with friends and family.

I was the caregiver for my Mom for the past 7 years...with help through Medicaid. She recently passed away. My brother died a week before her tragically due to a hurricane in Florida. I buried them together. My Mother still lived in her apartment and was 103. I feel a large void..having devoted so much time and effort to her. Now I hope to focus on myself..not sure where to begin.. but I will come up with a plan. I ended up with Covid 10 days ago..knocked me for a loop.
Suspect my immune system affected due to stress..hopefully will be back to 100% soon. Many of us could write a book on navagating the business of being a caregiver. I did it..no regrets..will never do it again.
"Me" time going forward.

I was a caregiver for seven years, four of them living with the couple. At some point I started thinking what did I do back in the days when I worked in an office to have camaraderie and make the work a little lighter, more enjoyable to be there?

I started making sure that was a bowl of candy on the table 24/7. I made Goodies or bought goodies for Friday’s. That I remembered their birthdays or work anniversary dates. we saved the money from recycling bottles and cans and took ourselves out to dinner. As a manager I could get short sometimes so I bought flowers whenI did and apologized. Every few months I would ask the whole staff if they wanted to change up their hours or their shifts a little bit so they could have more flexibility in their life. I encouraged them to swap shifts with each other so they wouldn’t lose their income and I wouldn’t have to step in and cover all the time. But also I would chip in and help and they needed an extra hand. I would try to be there for shift changes so I could talk to them about their day/life to show I cared & not just about the work getting done.

did this work? All I can say is I did not have any staff change over for a year and a half until the couple had to move into a facility and even then on the last day of moving they were chipping in to help. I think they were a good team and I really appreciate all that they did and hanging in there with me. 😊

Taking Care of My health and Happiness for 2023 . I Came to stay with My Dad 10 years ago - Then I helped him with His Business and Babysitting Properties while he went away for winter . Basically I was a realtor and Property Manager and Made him Lot of Money . My cousin Had a stroke March 2015 - I had to deal with His apartment . My Mom got sick 2016 - I had to take care of her till she Passed 2017 . My brother got sick and Passed the end Of 2017 - I Took care of him. I Noticed My Dads memory and walking were Not so good . I Got a tenant who was mentally ill and Killed himself - My sister recently grabbed My father and Fled to California with him 3 Months ago and made herself POA September 29, 2022 - I Hired a Lawyer retainer was $5000 - I Owe another $7000 . Nothing Has been done . My sister refuses to communicate with me . So I am in Limbo again Babysitting His House where I have Lived going on 11 years . He told me " Since I was the Only One who took care of His properties The House would be Mine . " basically 7 years of caretaking and I haven't been able to speak to my Dad for 3 Months . I live in Boston . I really dont Know what to do anymore - she Keeps telling people stories and yet she did nothing to care for her Mother or brother or her Father . She has maybe spent 5 weeks of her life with him in 50 years . I May have to find another lawyer who Has my best interests . You find after doing all this work you are alone In the world . I dont even Know if I will see My father again . So it is weird . I Know I No Longer Have a sister that's for sure . I do Know That the priority will be me this year . I realize I am No Longer young - people are retiring and Living Out their last years .

When I first came to this list, I went to see my husband, Mike, every single day. I tried very hard to get the home to accept me also but no way. This home at one time was known for its couples. Now, even hospital's chronic are there. I have since changed my mind about going at all.
My visits went from every day, all day long, to every other day when I moved and was further away from the Home that I was previously. Also, Mike became not lucid anymore and mentally declined a great deal due to lack of oxygen to the brain. He has COPD and stroke and now his kidneys are infected. It's only been a year, but such a difficult year!! I became weary and down.
It is winter and I still go but only about twice a week. I am limited to a scooter [ I have spinal stenosis] and scoot about 1/4 mile in the snow and ice. I am wrapped up warm and I don't mind but I just had to cut back my visits. I realized that it doesn't mean I love him less, it means I like myself enough to take care of myself. I no longer want to go to this home.
My windows here look down over a beautiful garden. Over 400 spring flowers have been planted thanks to one of the tenants here. I want to see the flowers bloom. I am alone and very lonely but going to the home, and to a husband that doesn't recognize me anymore, will not solve my problem. I am 74, Mike is 82. If God wills it, I will end up there but not yet. Not yet.
I just wanted to share this with you. Put yourself first, or you won't be able to help those you love. I was ragged and worn, and I'm healthy and well rested now. The nurses are good to Mike. He's ok. With or without my everyday visits.
Merry Christmas and a very Happy and rested New Year, to all you caregivers!

Sometimes, when I couldn't be the main person in charge of taking care of my parents directly but we all care for providing the best care for our parents, then it may not be necessarily to show my contributions to the direct caregiving tasks including comments on it should be done this way or that way, rather showing my support and help emotionally, finacially and physically to the well-being of ones who are doing the job more directly. It opens the door for communication on the caregiving tasks more effectively.

I mean "SOMETIMES", the minor change that I made and it worked.

Need to get the poa in order.

This is such an immense question to consider. Thank you!
My background: 8-10 years caregiving working with individuals in various spectrums of dementia, and working w families (some out of state) providing assessment reports. Included in those 10 years - around 5-6 years, offering, care mgmt, i.e., hiring caregivers, attorneys, emptying houses, coordinating health care and more). I have one client in memory care now and offer organizational management occasionally as requested. My main 'work' is being legally responsible in all aspects for my friend of 22 years currently in a nursing home. I manage everything for him.

THIS IS WHAT I FEEL ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT AREAS TO CONSIDER:

No 1: Understand that dementia is due to the brain chemistry changing. And, that how a person responds / reacts is not meant to be 'personal to you.' This helps with maintaining a personal equanimity / inner balance (emotionally and psychologically) to be as present as possible thereby being the 'best' person I can be to support the person with dementia. (And not getting into an argument... see below. There is no winning 'talking' logic to a person with dementia - see below).

No. 2: Set boundaries. Whether dealing with a narcissistic personality or someone simply (not so simple) angry, do set limits. If they cannot understand, step away for as long as needed, even 5 minutes will help. (See No. 4 below)

No. 3: SELF CARE. With the stressors calling to numb out stress, it is essential to take care of yourself. Eat as healthy diet as you can, exercise, meditate.

No. 4: Develop COMPASSION for the person. This will help the caregiver remember to shift from taking responses / behaviors personally to being present and able to do what is necessary.

No. 5: Reach out for support as needed. Enlist social workers, family, friends, other caregivers, read / study Teepa Snow's website / webinars (I did Teepa's webinars for 1-2 years to understand what dementia is. It helped me develop compassion, and certainly needed understanding of how the brain functions.

No. 6a: NEVER EVER argue. This is a 'no win-win'. The person is fearful of what is happening them (or doesn't know), scared of losing the independence they (believe they) have, and they think they know what is best for them and they do not. So . . . #6b !.

No. 6b: The best way to respond is by REFLECTIVE LISTENING, i.e., "I hear you saying xxx." A person is validated when they know what they say is heard... that someone is listening.
- I find that my client in memory care talking jibberish still responds to compliments and caring gestures. Do not confuse their changing brain with their (in)ability to feel - and understand when a person provides non-judgmental, compassionate interaction.

I could go on and on although this is a very substantive list of how and what I learned over the last 10+ years.

Gena / Touch Matters

EVERYTHING BUT THE HOUSE! Take a look at this site, it is a great way to avoid having to clean out someone's house. I saw the program one day on HGTV and wrote it down so that I can look into it when we have to leave our own home. Not sure if they will go to all the states, but I'm hoping so.


https://www.ebth.com/.

I have a mom who recently moved in with me after living in assisted living. She is 91, has Parkinson’s and I have caretakers come to the house M-F, 7:30 to 4:30. It isn’t easy. I come home from work and I am trying to take care of her, and my family. I try to take it a day at a time. That mindset has helped me tremendously.

I am starting to clean out things I don’t want or need. I will continue this resolution into the new year…

For the new year, in order to make ends meet & pay the increased bills that have come our way with the recession, I am going to up my efforts to sell on eBay and Facebook Marketplace; smalls on eBay and larger items on FB. I am also teaching DH how to sell his knife and CD collection (4000 CDs UGH) independently of me so we can both be selling at the same time and purging 'stuff' OUT of here. I focus mainly on costume jewelry which is easy to ship, and small antiques/art and things of that nature. That's my goal for 2023........bring IN more $$$ and get OUT more STUFF.

I love all of the answers about decluttering!

Don’t you find that when we are young that we enjoyed purchasing items? As we age ‘things’ don’t
mean as much to us as they once did.

I love Lea’s idea of selling items to recoup some of the money spent on our items! Makes sense to me!

Sometimes our kids want certain things but other items they could care less about. So, sell them or give it away!

It’s amazing how much stuff people hold onto. I have found things in my closet that I don’t even remember buying! LOL 😆 I found a brand new purse that I stashed away. Maybe it was a gift from years ago. It was an ugly purse! I don’t think I bought it.

I hate clutter. I find that my excess stuff is from my kids. I kept everything that they made in school and at summer camp. It adds up! Trophies get out of hand too. We have gymnastics and volleyball trophies stuck in my closet. I should get rid of them because my kids don’t care about them.