I have been a caregiver for most of my life. I have helped in the care of 4 siblings, my mother, mother- in-law and finally my father who died 2 weeks ago from a massive stroke. He died at home with hospice care. He also had dementia.
I need to mourn my father and find a new life for myself.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Are there people around to console you?
Not in the same way, but I realised too that I had spent all of my adult life taking care of other people. Suddenly not being responsible for another person's welfare explodes a massive hole in your life, and it's really, really hard. You're in free fall, just when grief and exhaustion make you least able to cope with it.
Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, and then when you're ready look around you and see. You don't have to find one big thing to do, and you almost certainly won't find anything that seems important enough to fill the vacuum - but that doesn't mean that nothing is worthwhile. Look for little things that are useful or fun in some way, for yourself or others, and gradually get used to having the freedom to please yourself.
Don't expect too much too fast; but maybe mark a couple of milestones in your calendar - one month, six months, a year and so on - and if you find yourself struggling more than you think is proportionate, get help, don't go under.
Please do keep coming back and let us know how you're feeling. More hugs.
youll have a lot of time for yourself now and you no doubt deserve it . do something you used to love . for me it was my canning hobby . drinking everclear and chopping tomatoes --
man , thats livin ..
If you belong to a church see if they have a bereavement group.
Take time for yourself.
If you found care giving rewarding is is something that you might want to do either as a volunteer with Hospice, you can go into a patients home and relieve the caregiver for a few hours so they can run to the store or just take a break. Or as a paid position there are MANY people looking for experienced caregivers and privately you could make $15.00 to 20.00 an hour.
In the mean time plan a vacation. Get away, take a cruise or get into the car and point it in any direction and drive. You have earned it.
Dr. Vamik Volkan, a psychiatrist at the University of Virginia medical school, said, ''The recognition of the actuality of the death is a crucial event in the course of mourning.'' Dr. Volkan's method of ''re-grief'' therapy is intended to help those who suffer pathological grief.
Dr. Volkan's approach makes use of a common phenomenon in those with problems in mourning: the possession of a special object that links him to the dead person, such as piece of jewelry. These links are more than just treasured keepsakes; they are jealously guarded and hold an eerie fascination for the mourner.
These objects, Dr. Volkan said, are symbolic tokens jointly ''owned'' by both the mourner and the deceased person; it is a way of keeping the dead person ''alive.''
Because the person with this kind of grief is in a chronic state of hope that the dead person will return, Dr. Volkan at some point asks the mourner to bring in the linking object and explore its symbolic meanings.
This typically allows the mourner to face the fact of the death. This, Dr. Pollock said, ''can activate the mourning they haven't completed.''
Study of Normal Mourning Process Illuminates Grief Gone Awry
By DANIEL GOLEMAN
Published: March 29, 1988 in the New York Times
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