Newtothis54: Speak to your mom's neurologist for medication helps.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Llamalover47

Newtothis54, my Dad had Sundowner's and he would climb into his time-machine and transport back to the 1940's. He would call me from the senior facility and tell me he wouldn't be coming home that evening as the meeting ran long... thus he missed the last bus home... so he will stay at the hotel (which was his memory care room). For me, I just played along as I didn't want to frighten Dad. If he was content in that time-era so be it.

As for your Mom, one suggestion would be to get some "night lights" for her bedroom (I have them as a totally dark room can be unnerving) and tell her these special lights will scare away the monsters under the bed. If that works for children, hopefully it will work for your Mom. Worth a try.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to freqflyer
lealonnie1 May 18, 2024
My mother said the same thing!! She'd call me, before she forgot how to use the phone, to tell me she couldn't make it home that night. She was ling in Memory Care Assisted Living for 2 years by then, and AL for 5 years prior. She'd say she was staying at the "hotel" too. As things advanced, she'd tell me "her girls" were taking her to a "new hotel" every night, but what she couldn't figure out was how all her STUFF made it there too! Isn't it wild how their brains work in a similar fashion with dementia?
I administer 3-6mg of Melatonin. Works in just a few minutes to calm and present a different attitude on the part of upset or confused patient.
Also useful is a modest dose of Inositol powder. Similar results.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to stantam
Di1961 May 18, 2024
Thank you, may try this with Mother.
See 1 more reply
Try keeping the room well-lit. You want to disguise the fact that it may be night time. And, the dementia can cause the person to "see" things in the dark shadows.

I agree with Daughter of 1930 - This must be very frightening for her.
Talk to her doctor about medication for anxiety.

I tried a lot of different anti-anxiety meds for my husband before finding what worked. Be careful of some which are habit forming. Once the patient gets used to the drug, they will start to act out because they are craving the next dose. Especially if a dose is missed, or is late.
What we finally settled on is Trazodone. A small dose is enough to relax him which helps him sleep, and it is non habit forming. I use it only at bedtime, unless he is particularly unsettled during the day.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ

Would you be able to box in the bed frame and show her no one can get in now?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to MissesJ

My mother would hallucinate, paranoia until she received the right medication. Please see a doctor. Her sundowners dissolved with meds. She lived out her last years in memory care facility with a sound mind. She was there for 12 long years til Covid came, and you know the rest but it was time to go and be with the angels.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to terisly

This is a very difficult thing. Remember you are not alone, even if you feel that way.

Toward the end of her life, my mom had some difficult difficulties with sundowning. She would see or hear. people in the house, cars trying to park in her bedroom, and children climbing on the walls were just a few of our adventures/crises. I had to develop a bag of tricks because I never knew what was going to work from time to time. Redirecting worked sometimes, but I often had to find new and unusual ways to redirect her. Showing her that things were not as she seemed was only occasionally effective. For example, I could turn on the light take her out of bed and show her that there were no cars. Sometimes it worked. Sometimes after the light went off, the cars came back. Sometimes it helped to have someone else come over to the house for a visit. But in the late evening that was often not possible.

Medication for anxiety did make the hallucinations less frightening for mom which made it easier for me.

Good luck! Know that you are doing a wonderful job! And never forget that you are not alone!
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to CoffeePaula

Here's good article from this forum's care topics:

I also recommend Teepa Snow videos on YouTube, and meds for anxiety.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Geaton777

Can you move the bed to show her there is noting under the bed?
If she goes to bed before you do you could check out her room while she is getting into bed and "declare it safe".
If mom is a religious person you could give her an item that would make her feel safe. A Cross, a Rosery, a Picture.
If she is not religious maybe a blanket or a doll that can comfort her.

Can you talk to her doctor about meds that will help with anxiety? It can't be comfortable for her being scared.
Helpful Answer (9)
Reply to Grandma1954

This must be very frightening to her. Have you discussed with her doctor to see what can possibly calm her anxiety?
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Daughterof1930

You try different tactics, and pick which one works the best for you and your mom.

Try redirecting

Try ignoring, some see they are getting attention,

And read read read , all the information you can get about dementia

YouTube Teepa Snow, learn all you can, for the now and for what to expect in the future

You did the first step by asking for help.

Best of luck, any other questions, we are here.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Anxietynacy

Working in a Memory Care Facility... Sundowning is VERY common. They use the word " Redirect" often.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to PauletteJ

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