What do you do if your mother thinks she can revert controlling your relationships?

Don’t share any information with your mother about your dating life .
Tell her it’s none of her business.
Keep your dates away from her .
Do you live with Mom?
Consider not or never living with your mother .

I stopped taking orders from my parents when I was 18. Your 55, what is the matter with you?

It is amazing That at 55 you are Being treated Like a 10 year Old . She is jealous because you are giving someone else attention and are being Nurtured. I would Ignore her .

Ignore all unwanted comments and use the strategy of distraction/redirection of the conversation. If that doesn't work, just silently walk away or out of the room, the house, whatever.

You describe a person who probably has the beginnings of dementia: they are rapidlly losing their reason and logic, good judgment, filter, empathy, flexibility, etc. No point in grinding on it, just do your best to educate yourself about it so that you can learn how to better interact with her, if you must.

I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. Very helpful.

Way too much involvement back and forth. Stop listening or discussing anyone with anyone. Done

Do you live together with your Mother? Does she still view you as a dating teen? 🤔

In the words of the great Billy Joel song "My Life"..

I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright
I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home

... My Life, da da da d daa

Ignore what she says about who you are dating.
Do not discuss who you are dating, where you go and what you do.
Do not discuss any subject that will lead to "constant emotional abuse and manipulation" If you do you know where the conversation will lead and that is just adding fuel to the fire.
If she starts in you say the following
" Mom, I am not going to discuss this with you"

If she continues you do the following:
Walk out of the room. Leave the house
or
Disconnect the call.

She can not emotionally abuse you or manipulate you if you refuse to engage.

Why are you having "disagreements" with the boyfriend in front of the mother in the first place, that he's taking HER side on???? What kind of boyfriend does that? In my world, it would be an EX boyfriend.....but then again, I wouldn't be taking him to see mother or having disagreements in front of her in the first place. What kind of dysfunctional relationships are you tolerating in your life, at 55 years old? Mother doesn't have to like or approve of anyone you date, nor does she have to even lay eyes on him. You go to HIS place. Meet at the restaurant. Run out to his car when he blows the horn.

Athough you say mother lives at home, you must live there too otherwise there wouldn't be all this going on. Move out and get autonomy and your own life now, with no input from mother. You won't regret it.

Dear Kme,

There is a lot we don’t know we are signing up for when we step into caregiving.
To be fair, there is a lot the homeowner didn’t bargain for either.

There are so many red flags here but I’m wondering did the BF move in? Planning to? Who will be the decision maker, chief cook and bottle washer so to speak in this triangle?

Relationships are hard but worthwhile, even necessary. If you are living with mom, you do have to consider the happiness of all or it will be hell for all.

As others have mentioned, you may have to move out and continue living your own life instead of propping up moms. You are too young to spend the next 10 to 20 years caring for your mom. You have had a preview so to speak of the future. That’s worth deep consideration. It’s okay to change your mind.

Why not have a great life…

You don’t say if you live with mom or mom lives with you.

If you live with your mom and she is interfering in your personal life, it is time to move out.

If she lives with you, then tell her that you are going to date whoever you want to date.

What’s up with that boyfriend of yours taking your mom’s side? That wouldn’t sit well with most people. Are you okay with this?

It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know that your mom doesn’t approve of him or not. He isn’t showing any understanding for your position.

What reason does he have for taking her side? Seems a bit odd to me.

When I moved out of my parents’ house, they never concerned themselves about my dating life, because they trusted my judgment.

You are way past the age of needing to be chaperoned or advised on who you should be dating.

Best of luck to you.