I came to visit a friend and her mother fell and fractured her hip. After coming home from rehab, the mom needed A LOT of help in the beginning. Now, after falling AGAIN, she is back home and has been diagnosed with beginning dementia on top of being physically impaired. She can barely walk with a walker and needs assistance getting to the standing position. I have to help her pull down her pants before she sits on toilet and visa versa (@ 30min task sometimes up to 2 hrs because she will refuse to stand up). I prepare most of her meals; breakfast, lunch and dinner. I do her laundry. I do light housecleaning, I distribute meds. She cannot be left more than a few hours at a time, so me and my friend have coordinated "on the fly" & so far it has worked. The daughter, my friend, works part time and is at her work @ 25 hours a week. After that, she is mostly at her boyfriend's house who happens to live next door. She spends every night at his house so I'm here pretty much by myself. Besides taking care of her mom, I do other tasks like feed the dogs, clean up the yard of dog poop (3 dogs), occasionally make breakfast for her 14yr old daughter who is here part time. I pay for my own groceries and @ half of her mom's groceries. I buy my own laundry detergent, dish soap, etc. including most cleaning supplies: bleach, mr clean, sponges, etc.
Finally!! This is my question: is anyone in a similar situation? As the caregiver or any other capacity? Do you pay the caregiver? Or should the caregiver pay rent? Do you have a schedule worked out? Does the caregiver have specific days "off"?
HELP!! I need advice
If you are being told that you should be paying anything for rent then I recommend that you tell your "friend" that you are leaving.
Slavery is illegal in this country and you are being treated like a slave. Sorry
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thirteenth_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution
It's one thing to want to help out your friend and her family, but it sounds to me like your friend turned you into an indentured servant. You're being taken advantage of to be her mom's caregiver because they're getting the service for free. That's not a good friend who would do that. Here are the answers to your questions:
1) No, live-in caregivers do not pay rent.
2)Yes, there is always a schedule worked out. Even though a person is a live-in the technically go "off-duty" at a certain hour. This means they aren't with the client although they will do overnight diaper changes, repositioning a client in bed if necessary, give meds, or make sure a dementia client doesn't wander or leave the home.
3)Yes, the caregiver has specific days off that are normally worked out ahead of time before you take the work. A day off for a live-in caregiver is 24 hours. Many families think a day off for their live-in is the daytime. It's not. It's 24 hours.
I hope this information has been helpful to you.
You can find the information on the internet to help you do a draft document. Once you and your employer, whether this is mom or friend, should have a certified elder law attorney draw up the actual caregivers contract. Moms money pays for this.
By law you can not be required to work 24/7. A lawyer will help you understand what your rights as an employee are and make your friend understand what their responsibilities are to you.
You should be receiving a room, because mom needs overnight care you should not be paying anything for this, nor should it be considered part of your compensation. If you are preparing 3 meals for mom, you should be fed those same 3 meals at no cost to you. Anything special that you want would be at your expense.
You should be receiving a fair salary for your work. This can be whatever you all decide on but, you should have it clearly stated what you will be doing and make it a term of the contract that any changes in duties will require a review of salary. This should be run through a payroll agency so that you have all taxes withheld and matched by your employer, as well as insurance like unemployment and workers compensation in the event that you get injured helping your client.
To often people think that free room and board in exchange for caregiving is an irresistible deal. It is but not for the caregiver. You are taking care of a full grown human and that is a lot of work. Then add in the house and pets, sheesh. In my city a housekeeper earns at least 25.00 hourly, then you would pay 25.00 daily for the pooper scooper with a long contract. Caregivers earn 20.00 hourly for the 1st 8 hours and time and a half or double time for additional hours. So you can see how expensive this could be for a family that is doing it above board and fairly to all parties involved.
Don't let them bully you and threaten you with throwing you out if you don't concede to the unfair situation. You live there and they would have to evict you at this point, because they have not been paying you, you are not considered domestic help. Stand up for what is right and fair for you. They need you more than you need them.
So they give you a room. Look on Craigslist, see what it's worth. $1000? $1500? That's at most $18,000 not $200,000?
And it's not like it's "normal" rent. It's part of the condition that you stay there to help with this person--which ILs are paying $20 for the indy to do.
You see the disparity that's about $182K before taxes versus some "nice" room right? Especially since you're buying half the food.
Nawp nawp nawp. This "friend" wants to be one she has to pay you AT LEAST the minimum wage for all hours that you are there, and acknowledge what the fair market rate of the room is, and further pay for your food as a courtesy.
Don't, in any circumstance, let this escalate to your being their driver or housekeeper or cooking.
Also, they BENEFIT from you living there 24/7. If the lady were to fall in the middle of the night, would you just continue sleeping or would you get up and tend to her? If the latter, then you are ON CALL even when you're not actively working. People do get paid to be ON CALL.
You are being paid peanuts while being locked up in an asylum to take care of an insane person 24/7. If you were to quit, the "friend" would have to quit her job, or hire someone from an agency which will cost around $25/hr.
You are being taken advantage of big time.
These people need to work out their caregiving needs and how to pay for them on their own.
If this experience has given you the calling to do this kind of work, it would be better to start fresh with proper boundaries and an employer who already knows they have to pay.
Now I am going to ask you, do you really consider this person a friend?
A friend doesn’t use you. You are being used, big time! I wouldn’t want to work for someone like her or her mom.
Find a paying job. Right now you are volunteering for ungrateful people! Say your goodbyes and if you so choose, wish them well.
Please explain your reasons for the visit. How long had you originally planned to stay?
Why are you tolerating her sleeping next door with her boyfriend and feeding her 14 year old daughter breakfast? She can fix her own breakfast at 14 years old!
Please end this nightmare as soon as possible.
Your ‘friend’ is taking advantage of you! She sees your kindness for weakness.
Often times people will treat you the way that you treat yourself.
Show her that you have self respect. Be kind to yourself.
Best wishes to you.
There are laws around the payment of live in care givers. They may vary by location, but you can check locally to find out what they are.
Hours of work, time off, days off, a clear list of tasks you are responsible for and which ones are not under your job description. All of these need to me laid out. You also need a properly executed contract and whatever with holding taxes covered.
You do NOT have to continue with this exploitative arrangement for fear of what might happen to your “friend’s” parent.
You came to visit "your friend" who doesn't stay there or hang out with you. You are staying at her mom's house.
So, did the mom ever actually ask you to be caregiver or hire you or even invite you to stay? You do not have a right to ask for money, ask for days off or even stay in the house. You are a guest that can leave and go home at any time.
My Dad was at the age where he need someone in the house around the clock as he was a fall risk. Dad hired caregivers from a licensed Agency to work three 8-hour shifts. The Agency required the over-night caregiver to be awake for her whole shift. Total cost was $20k per month, yes per month. Do you think your friend's Mom can budget for the cost? Are you ready to work 168 hours per week? Lot to think about.