What I mean is how do you see your future unfolding in your declining years? Do you have a partner or people in your life who will be your rock? Or will you find yourself alone navigating the unknown?
I have no children. My siblings have proven they scatter to the winds when times are tough. My partner has shown himself to be anything but a pillar of support and strength with his own aging parents.
I worry about this lately.
Any thoughts?
We have ordered DNR bracelets and signed papers with the doctor. We have contracted with Neptune Society and will be discussing, "Death with Dignity Program" with our Elder Law Attorney.
We are putting the house on the market to downsize our living arrangements and will be contacting an auction house or consignment company for antiques and such. We are donating to local charities all the time as we thin out our belongings. Christmas brought about a revelation: we only put lights on the Christmas tree and that proved to show us how many memories are wrapped up in ornaments and that we can, indeed, give them all away.
Memories usually make me sad, but I hum my favorite song, "The Way We Were," by Streisand.
Memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Could we?
Memories
May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply to choose to forget
So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were
I have 2 daughters, and I would hope that at least D1 would support DH2 or me in either event. However I would not want either of them to care for me, unless it was for a very short time (as for me and my mother).
I do worry a little about who would care for DH2 if I go first. I think D1 would, but D2 wouldn’t. If DH is still competent then, he will make his own decisions.
I am now having great problems with settling my will. DH2 gets all my substantial superannuation, and is joint owner of most property. D1 gets a separately owned property, but it’s hard to work out about unhelpful D2 daughter and her children. And also about charity bequests – I don’t fancy the cat’s home, and I don’t have a great deal of faith in most charities.
Any comments on this would be helpful, even if I don’t agree!
They are a charity are they not? Or do they just need blood?
Forgive me for not knowing this already.🤔
We have arranged to turn our affairs over to a guardianship entity, should we become unable to care for ourselves or make good decisions (this is also referred to as a "trust company"). A good attorney can talk to you about your options, and clarify legal terms and instruments. While we hope there will be some money left over to leave to our nieces, our first responsibility is to care for ourselves as best we can.
An elder law attorney can help you sort out your options and draft a new will. I strongly urge you to do this since, unfortunately, family that refuses to be involved in one's declining years may often expect to receive something after one's death.
My husband has Alzheimer’s. We have no children. All of our relatives are gone already. We have no close friends. Since my husband already has a terminal diagnosis, he won’t be around for me (or if by chance he is around, he won’t know me or be able to assist anybody with anything). So I will be alone. As alone as alone can get.
I figure I will die inside my home and days/weeks later someone will find my body. Or perhaps I will die in a hospital or nursing home. There may be nurses around, so that’s actually the best case scenario for me.
If you mean how do you get your ducks in a row, then talk to an elder care attorney. Get you wills done. We don’t have much, but have specifically excluded a couple of very distance relatives who may come out of the woodwork. We have a trust company to help with seeing to our (my) bills when I’m not able to. Anything left ( house/everything in it will be sold) will go to charities we’ve named in our will. I am currently shopping for long term care insurance for myself to help with some costs, but I’m not even sure that is needed. I can be placed in a state run facility for all I care. I’ll be a old lady who is totally alone, and I’m sure by that time, I’ll be more than ready to go.
Of course I want her to be at peace and not suffering with all of this. However, I can’t help but think to myself, who will do this kind of support for me when I am old? I have an amazing husband but no children. No siblings. Etc. I guess it’s off to an elder care attorney (thank you for that) but there’s more to aging then legal stuff and guardianship…..
Those statistics are skewed because there are two people, and one of them will definitely live longer.
🤷♀️
My work is done here, Lol.
My main directive in life is not to put my child through the straight up hell I have had to go through caring for her and at times my husband. I have planned ahead for life changes to the degree that I can at this point, all my legal papers in order and I am purging crap out of this house like crazy. I have told him not to hesitate for one second to find a facllity for me if I become too frail or mentally incompetent. And to try, please try not to feel guilty about it.