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My father is 74 years old with severe dementia. Last year he was placed in a MC facility but eloped a week later. I can't get into details due to an ongoing lawsuit, but we took him back home until we could arrange another situation. About six weeks ago we moved Dad into a new facility. Again, after about a week, he escaped by kicking through a door but was quickly recovered by a staff member and calmed down. He did it again the very next day, shoving the attendant they had brought in to stay with him and breaking through another door, and was transported to the ER and then to a psychiatric facility to get his meds adjusted. This was the first time he had ever been aggressive, he was just highly defiant before and would try to run away. He was meant to be at the psych for ten days but ended up staying for five weeks. We have questions about the care he received. He was discharged back to his previous facility (which my mother has been paying for this whole time) yesterday afternoon. Today, he punched a maintenance worker in the face, knocking him out, then destroyed a door to the outside, ran across a road, almost got hit by a car, tore down a fence into a horse paddock, barricaded himself inside a barn, and attempted to attack anyone who came near him, cussing up a storm. He had to be taken down by multiple police and was transported back to the ER, where he currently is. Obviously, his MC has said he cannot come back this time. My mother had a full-blown anxiety attack as she has already lost so much money that she cannot afford trying to keep him safe and well, and because we don't know what's going to happen next or how we will get through it.
He clearly cannot come home. That was never an option after he was admitted to the most recent MC. So, what now?

He's got to see a geriatric psychiatrist who's willing to medicate him accordingly, even if that means dad is basically in a stupor. What else can you do??

Speak to the social worker at the hospital about all of this, and tell her or him that dad cannot come home because mom CANNOT care for him. Period. He needs placement and meds to control his erratic behavior.

Good luck with a terrible situation.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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GoingYumpy Aug 2, 2024
Thanks for the quick reply. He was supposed to have his medication adjusted in this exact way at the geriatric psych he was at these last five weeks, but that clearly did not happen.
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Basically when someone is living with this little control it is a matter of medications and medication cocktails. Always problematic to find the right ones and deal with the side effects. Moreover, a medication stew that works one moment may not work the next. I am so very sorry this is going on as placement will always be a serious problem. This is about bad as it gets and it tragic for your family to stand witness to.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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My husband presented with similar Lewy body behaviours and they were escalating. One day, during a bout of paranoia directed at me, I called 911. He went off the rails in ER and was sent to a psychiatric hospital, where he’s been for the last four months. It’s 1.5 hours away. I make the trip a couple of times a week and have gotten to know the staff well. His health-care team is amazing and the drugs they put him on have stabilized him. He will soon be going to a secure dementia unit closer to me.

It was hard to say I cannot handle him at home anymore but when I did and health professionals also experienced his behaviour, they made special efforts to help both of us. Life is OK now. You and your mother CANNOT live with the kind of stress you are experiencing. It takes a terrible toll. I wish you the best.
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Reply to Chantel60
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Boy someone at the psych ward definitely dropped the ball huh? Sad. Your father should have been on the appropriate medications to keep him more balanced and not so volatile. Doesn't make any sense that they could actually let him leave knowing how volatile he still was.
I'm sorry that you and your poor mother are having to go through this.
There are places that will take him but it may not be in the same city as you.
A few years back one of the ladies in my caregiver support group was having the same issue with her father, as he was extremely violent and was kicked out of 3 or 4 memory care facilities, before she was able to find one several cities away that was willing to take him.
And yes, it's my understanding that they did have to keep him pretty heavily medicated.
Hopefully you'll be able to find a good facility soon. Make sure that the social worker at the hospital is helping you and your mother do just that.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Does your father have Lewy Body Dementia? That usually presents with violent tendencies. The only answer to this is medication. He has to be medicated so that he is not a threat to himself or others.
Your mom needs to work with a social worker at the hospital. She needs help placing him in a facility that understands how to manage and medicate a demented person with violent tendencies. She also needs help to file for Medicaid to help pay for the facility and medical bills he is racking up.
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Reply to Jamesj
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Sounds like he needs to be made a ward of the state, and kept VERY heavily medicated going forward.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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Don't take your dad home! Your mom could be the next victim. I went through this with my husband. I was his caregiver and as he progressed, he thought that I was an imposter pretending to be me and was out to get him. He tried to hurt me a few times and I had to call 911. Check with an Alzheimer's clinic or Lewy Body group for help. Assisted living/memory care facilities won't be able to help as their job is caregiving. It would be great if it was as simple as losing your keys, but it's not. It is scary and dangerous.
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Reply to Sharovd
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Where I live, apparently the bigger rehab hospitals have a secure geri-psych ward. People with very hard to manage behaviours are brought from geri acute/geri psych care for further assessment, medication reviews, medication trials. Behaviour support plans can be made, assessed, changed as needed. If a person can become stable enough for regular MC, a Social Worker can start the process of finding a suitable facility.

At just 74 years old, this is very tragic for the man & his family.
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Reply to Beatty
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A friend had similar problems with her husband who had to be placed in a Dementia Care Unit for those with potential violence tendencies. 2 1/2 Hours away from their home city, but it was the only answer. My friend called her husband's placement "a prison" because it hurt her soul so much for him to live there. Something "good" came of this, though. During his 5 months at the higher risk Unit, the good folks there WERE able to find the right combination of medications that made her husband manageable. Yes, probably quite groggy but he was then able to be transferred to another Dementia unit nearer home, and he could be managed OK there. They had his mattress on the floor so he was not a fall risk. The family could come sit and visit with him. What a terrible ending for this bright, wonderful man, but he passed away about 3-4 month later. Your Mom should never, ever agree to have him home. I am thinking she needs a social worker who can help find one of the "Aggressive Units" where her Dad can reside. Does she need to assistance of an Elder Care Attorney to help her navigate the "spend down" process to have Granddad on Medicaid.? Possibly yes. Your mother will suffer terrible emotional damage if she does not have enlightened helpers (MSW, Elder care attorney) to advise her and bolster her up in her time of need.
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Reply to fluffy1966
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cover9339 Aug 14, 2024
Not much of a life, poor guy, Mattress on the floor, being drugged into a stupor.
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Let him become a ward of the state. They will find a suitable care facility that can handle him.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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cover9339 Aug 14, 2024
That's just it, there may not be one.
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