In your experience, what have been the first things you have done after getting the POA by letter of incompetence?

Countrygirl3,

Please do NOT let one reply chase you from this site... I was a lurker and reader for a while and one night in desperation I poured out all my feelings here and I mean all. It was a mistake as I quickly received a few responses that insinuated things about my character. I've been caregiving between my mom and dad since 2002 but that night my feelings were so raw. I left the site properly chastised. I soon realized that I missed it.. the smart caring people here outnumber the quick to judge without facts. Let's face it ... none of us will ever know anyone else's complete story and that's ok... I came back here with a different attitude and take what I need ... answer if I think I can be of a little help..and keep my feelings about my siblings to myself as that is what seemed to spur the responses of judgement.

Please don't leave the site ... the wonderful posters here have saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

Her neurologist has recommended the family seek guardianship, will this make a difference..She has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s also

Her husband had a mild stroke a month ago and now has been told not to drive..Before the stroke he wouldn’t think of letting mom drive, but now, suddenly it’s ok..She has also been told not to drive..for safety reasons

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the best at saying what I want, but I find your insinuations totally off point..I’m only concerned with my mother’s best interests..This is all new to me so please forgive me if I sound all over the place..If you have no tolerance for newbies so to speak, then this isn’t the site for me..

Just ignore Shaking.

Have you visited an Eldercare attorney to discuss what actions you can take legally once mom is found incompetent?

Guardianship will give you the unquestionable ability to place her in a facility or bring carers into her home over her objections. But you will also become responsible for her finances and person, and will need to report all pending, actions to the court.

Guardianship is a big step. Please seek legal advice before you do so.

I was appointed guardian of my mother due to the fact that I had to get her out of an abusive situation with my sister. We had originally petitioned as co-guardians, but once the physical and financial abuse was discovered it kind of fell to me.

The first things I did were:

1. Close her old accounts and transfer them into what they call here guardianship accounts on the advice of mom's attorney. Same funds, same everything but for legal purposes the accounts say "Guardianship of (mom's name), an Incapacitated Person" and below that, my name as Guardian. Whenever I have to sign any kind of banking, medical forms, etc., I always sign it my name, Guardian for (mom's name), as I am acting on mom's behalf as her representative, not in my own personal capacity.

2. Assess her bills and finances to write out a budget and which bills are due when, etc., and I signed up for online banking and payment where possible to make them easier to pay each month.

3. Spoke with mom's health insurance company and doctor's offices and sent them guardianship paperwork so that they could discuss mom's medical and billing information with me over the phone, and so that I could follow up with her doctors about getting proper referrals, etc.

4. Opened a P.O. Box at the post office to receive her mail in a secure place and filled out a change of address form on her behalf.

5. Checked mom's credit report to make sure no new accounts were opened up in her name while all of this was going on.

I have stayed in communication with mom's attorney throughout all of this, and will continue to seek advice as we go along. A good attorney is vital to be able to answer questions, give advice and help ensure that financial and legal matters are handled correctly and in your loved one's best interest.

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/-i-suspect-mom-with-alzheimers-is-being-taken-advantage-of-financially-by-her-husband-434299.htm

This has been going on for some time from the looks of it. It is hard to watch but our folks have the right to make their own bad decisions.

Shakingdustoff, what are the reasons if I might ask?

I think you have to separate the concerns. State the aging issues. Then one can see that her spending might be dangerous especially if her funds could soon be limited. If she is not of right mind to a degree you would go from there. I have had to open and close about 6 credit cards because of scams my mother signed up for. It was exhausting. If she cannot drive she could not get herself to casinos.

My husband, just today, went to the court house to pick up guardianship paperwork, so I'm greatly interested to see the responses. We need to get guardianship, in this case, for so many reasons, and the first one is her house and property, it can't be sold because of the way the lawyer worded the will, she (my mil) did a medical poa but didn't set up a financial poa or a directive (dnr or tube feeding? which I have read that tube feeding is a no, and have been told by relatives that are in the medical field that a dnr is best to have due to age). I think my husband's next step would be to seek the advice of an elder care attorney.

This disease (she, my mil has alzheimers) is definitely AWFUL and has been a true learning experience for sure.