Everyone is different, you have to remember that it's important to not lose sight of the fact that everyone receiving care is an individual. Regardless of their age, current condition, and level of ability, they're a unique individual, with their own history and experiences. Its easy to look at those in need of assistance (especially when they're elderly) as a "class" or a group. But often times the only thing an entire facility of elderly people have in common IS the fact that they have all lost some of their autonomy.
In reality, they all have separate and unique personalities. They've all lived unique lives, have unique likes, dislikes, and not unlike those who care for them, their individual "stories" add up to make them who they are today!
With this in mind, it becomes very difficult to use sites like this one to gain advise about things like.. how to deal with someone who is struggling with incontinence and won't "do" X or Y.
The thing is, X & Y may be well-established methods of dealing with this exact problem, but you can't always apply a defined solution to a problem.. especially when said problem could likely be caused by one of a MILLION different reasons, or most likely a combination of them.
And these "reasons", are all the exact same reasons that cause us as care givers to have problems in our own lives with everything from balancing our finances, to relationship complexities, family problems.. even other internal issues that are (for the most part) out of our control, like mental illness.. personality traits.. OR.. lived experiences!
How this relates to OPs question, is this.. this gentleman may be struggling with incontinence products for a HUGE number of reasons, ranging from simple pride and embarrassment.. to technical difficulties with the products themselves causing physical or emotional distress.. or it could also stem from the person's own life experiences as well. We all have stories from varying points in our lives that involve diapers, weather it be from childhood, when we remember wetting the bed as a child or adolescent, and being embarrassed by our mother hanging freshly laundered diapers and plastic pants on the clothes line for the entire neighborhood to see! Or it could be from our adolescent years, when we witnessed an elderly loved one (grammie or grampee) in their final years when we watched them devolve into a totally helpless, and vulnerable shell of their former self, and we had to watch someone we once viewed as strong and invincible lose control of their bowel or bladder, and we remember how the adults around us reacted when Grammy wasn't around. We may have witnessed our mother, father, aunt's, uncle's, describe Grammys recent incontinence incident, and we heard them casually complain about how terrible it was, and how it's time to "put them in diapers".
All of these things affect us, and come to the surface to affect how WE may react to the situation where we ourselves start losing control over our bodily function.
So its important to approach each situation with the affected person, and to help them help YOU understand the problems and issues they're having, and to help make them feel comfortable talking to us about their individual experience, offer our support, and help work WITH them to come up with a solution that will work for them while still helping them maintain their dignity and as much autonomy as humanly possible in the process.
When my grandmother got to that point, I simply provided her with a wide range of products, and told her that they were there for her if she felt like she wanted to use them, and I told her that I would gladly explain how to use any of them or to help her with them if she wanted me to.
But the important part was I made her feel like SHE was in control of finding a solution that worked for her, and I did my best to make her feel like she was part of the process.. and I was merely just here to support her if she needed it.
You can use Wearever briefs. They are available on Amazon. Also there are pads such as Tena, also on Amazon to go inside the breif. I use disposable pads and washable reuseable pads. Also from Amazon. Also a plastic noiseless pad on the matress and under the bed pad is also a good way to go.
I did not know how many mfg diapers there were.. My local place has a few brands.. and the one I chose I thought was really good, cuz the facility told me they worked...
In addition to the bed pads (I use Beck's Classics reusable bed pads- they work great- I keep a number of small and larger sizes on hand for change outs), I also use heavy absorbency McKesson pull ups for my mom. I keep plastic under the bottom bed sheet just in case so nothing can get through to the mattress. If your LO doesn't have a UTI, you may want to ask the doc about AZO with Go-Less. I had to put my mom on this because she was soaking through her diaper, her pants and the bed pad, sometimes 2x per night and this was even with getting up 2-3 times each night to go and with a fluid intake limit per her doctor! We are still waiting on answers at her next appointment as she still soaks her diaper and gets up 2-3 times per night to go, but at least it doesn't soak all the way through now- there has been a difference. I know how frustrating this must be for you and hope you get a solution soon.
Hi - wanted to check, are you using liners specifically made for wearing inside a pullup / incontinence brief (i.e., one that has no plastic backing)? If you use one that is meant to be worn inside regular underwear (like a Poise pad), the plastic backing keeps the brief from absorbing the extra urine.
I also wanted to recommend for the bed, I bought these for my mom. She actually uses two at a time (side by side) so that the pads hang over and protects the sides of the (twin) mattress. She said she was impressed with how much it holds. She said they were soft enough to put over her sheets, which means they catch the urine and keep her sheets dry. And they are supposed to be washable up to 400 times. Good luck to you. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01JAAVHUC/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
ETA: Totally in agreement with the bedside commode recommendations.
I am with you, my husband has dementia, finally after fighting with him for two weeks. He agreed to wear pull ups. I told him I did not have clean underwears. So he had no choice. He developed a sore in his behind and rash all around. That easied me doing laundry daily as well. We dialing with their disease, their ego and etc.. He doesn't realized that he is seating in a wet underwear and he won't go to the bathroom. Its very hard. Good luck!
make sure they do not turn into pressure sores ie bedsores... =they develop quickly but can take months to cure.... Stage 4 - to the bone- will create havoc... be careful... these sores are something you do not want to deal with...
My husband, with Parkinsons and dementia, has the same issue. To reduce laundry needs I put a thick pad between bottom sheet and mattress cover; another on top of the bottom sheet, and a disposable pad (about 3 ft x 2 ft) on top of that one. I can usually get away with just disposing of the top pad. Got mine from Amazon. I also use a thick pad on top of any chair he sits in, as well as the car seat. I put a pad inside his daytime pull-up but check it several times a day - sometimes only the pad needs a changeout. I also encourage him to get up and go to the bathroom during the day (he sometimes can tell when he has to go but has little control of it by that time).
One concern with all this wetting is keeping the skin from getting a rash, so I slather him with Butt Paste or Barrier Cream (basically vaseline). I've purchased the condom catheter but have not used it yet. I've heard it's tough to remove (adhesive sticks to hair).
For nighttime I dress him in a heavy wrap around diaper (thicker than the Depends pullup) and add a pair of stretch boxers to keep it in place. It reduces the number of times I have to get up at night, sometimes he gets through the night without a change. All the best to you, with a challenging task.
Jareynolds24, it is so good that you are really trying to give the best care. Right now, I am using one overnight Depends pullup for men and one women's Options long and max absorbent pad. His prostate procedure is scheduled. 🤞Question, tho. Several have mentioned baby diaper cut down. Is this a disposable diaper? Concerned about plastic. The added pad has sticky back but no plastic. Thanks and wishing you positive outcomes.
Consider putting him on a toileting schedule - every 3 hours to void and defecate. Also make sure his annual physical includes a digital prostate exam to catch enlarged prostate. There are medications to help prostate enlargement that may lead to problems with urination. Others have mentioned male adult diapers and pads as well as plastic mattress cover.
The Kirkland brand pads with the puppies on the box say they can be used for human incontinence to protect beds and furniture. Sometimes they will barely stick to the skin but there is no residue left on the body and hasn’t caused any irritation.
First, buy a bedside commode, along with plastic liners, and have it within a foot of the bed. Also buy several urinals with lids and keep these on the bedside table. Use quilted pads with plastic on one side (available at CVS, most drugstores, and Amazon). The largest size should be put on sideways right beneath the patient's hips and be UNDER the bottom sheet, hanging down over the side of the mattress about six inches to protect both the top and side of the mattress. Another one should be under the patient's hips but on TOP of the bottom sheet. If one or both get wet, it's fairly easy to take them off and wash them, but you'll need at least four pads so there's always a new one ready.
Then follow the advice of some people who have already commented and experiment with various adult diapers, etc. to find the best combination. I found diapers to be far better than pull-ups because they hold more. This is especially important at night.
If the patient is always in bed, it might be wise to dispense with pajama bottoms and let him only wear the diapers. Fewer layers mean less to wash, assuming that he's still warm enough with only the bed covers.
Have him checked for a urinary infection (extremely common among older people). Remind him to try to use the urinal every hour or so. Limit all fluids several hours before bedtime so you'll be changing bed linens less often at night.
This, too, shall pass. Incontinence presents one of the more difficult aspects of caregiving. I used to do at least six loads of laundry every single day for months on end. It completely wore out the washing machine, which finally broke about two weeks after my loved one died. But just do the best you can.
With the variety of styles and brands be sure you find what suits the person best. A lot of companies will send a trial sample free. We started with "chux" disposable pads for bed protection and moved to a washable padded cotton pad that is waterproof. Amazon has many different sizes. Be sure to use a barrier cream on the skin to protect from rashes. Some good advice below but we use Desitin.
Word to the wise: puppies pee on the pads because they are attracted to the scent of chemicals used in their manufacture. Puppy pads are fine underneath a commode, but shouldn't be used anywhere they might come into contact with skin.
Why do people that need care and are receiving care generously from others make it harder. Does he want to look worse walking or sitting around in soiled clothing, Wear the correct diapers or go to a nursing home, sometimes tough love is required.
I'am a older male became incontinent several yrs ago.We my wife and I went with diapers and pants over them to keep things dry.The bed we use a mattress protector plus a pad on my side.
Quickchange incontinence wraps were a godsend for us. They hold more than Depends. Wrap it in thirds around the penis and then put Depends on top for a dry night. Also, try waterproof sofa bed mattress pads. They don't have the extra fabric for the sides, just elastic. They are bigger, cheaper, and can be laundered daily.
We tried different briefs too. Our best bet was more frequent trips to get changed. My dad became in continent and wasn’t aware when he was wet or dirty. The best thing we invested in were large washable pads we used on his bed, recliner and wheelchair. They come in various sizes. We got 4’ x 5’ for his bed. Helped tremendously! Yes we had to wash several, but it protected his bedding and he wasn’t feeling bad about having wet the bed again. They’re a tad $$$, but last for a long time and help preserve dignity! Use A &D ointment to protect his bum from any sort of skin breakdown. Thankfully with all the wet and dirty briefs (we called them), he never once got a bedsore. Good luck!
large size adult diapers- not pull-ups are best choice. Here is the secret: Northshore booster pads inside. I would stack two or three or more (fold if necessary) as they have no plastic barrier. He will not leak and skin dry all day and night as long as you change them periodically as necessary. They hold a lot of liquid. do not use pads with any plastic barrier as they will overflow. Not hard to change the diaper with the patient lying in bed. North Shore pads come in sizes so experiment and prep and layer them prior to putting them on. This works and will save your sanity.
With my mom, we went to diapers and a bigger size. Made the biggest difference. Now, it rarely gets on her clothes. Also we put bed pads under her to protect the furniture.
I like Maple3044 answer, sticking a guards thick pad in the pullup. I buy Tranquility overnite pullups for my husband. To me the pull ups are easier than having to do the tabs but everyone is different. Depends pullups are good to.
Depends brand "briefs" with tabs (they're actual diapers) with an infant-sized baby diaper cut down and used as a liner in it. I did this for a care client I had who was totally incontinent. Baby diapers are made differently then adult ones are. You do try this and his bedding will be dry as a bone even overnight.
Its easy to look at those in need of assistance (especially when they're elderly) as a "class" or a group. But often times the only thing an entire facility of elderly people have in common IS the fact that they have all lost some of their autonomy.
In reality, they all have separate and unique personalities. They've all lived unique lives, have unique likes, dislikes, and not unlike those who care for them, their individual "stories" add up to make them who they are today!
With this in mind, it becomes very difficult to use sites like this one to gain advise about things like.. how to deal with someone who is struggling with incontinence and won't "do" X or Y.
The thing is, X & Y may be well-established methods of dealing with this exact problem, but you can't always apply a defined solution to a problem.. especially when said problem could likely be caused by one of a MILLION different reasons, or most likely a combination of them.
And these "reasons", are all the exact same reasons that cause us as care givers to have problems in our own lives with everything from balancing our finances, to relationship complexities, family problems.. even other internal issues that are (for the most part) out of our control, like mental illness.. personality traits.. OR.. lived experiences!
How this relates to OPs question, is this.. this gentleman may be struggling with incontinence products for a HUGE number of reasons, ranging from simple pride and embarrassment.. to technical difficulties with the products themselves causing physical or emotional distress.. or it could also stem from the person's own life experiences as well. We all have stories from varying points in our lives that involve diapers, weather it be from childhood, when we remember wetting the bed as a child or adolescent, and being embarrassed by our mother hanging freshly laundered diapers and plastic pants on the clothes line for the entire neighborhood to see! Or it could be from our adolescent years, when we witnessed an elderly loved one (grammie or grampee) in their final years when we watched them devolve into a totally helpless, and vulnerable shell of their former self, and we had to watch someone we once viewed as strong and invincible lose control of their bowel or bladder, and we remember how the adults around us reacted when Grammy wasn't around. We may have witnessed our mother, father, aunt's, uncle's, describe Grammys recent incontinence incident, and we heard them casually complain about how terrible it was, and how it's time to "put them in diapers".
All of these things affect us, and come to the surface to affect how WE may react to the situation where we ourselves start losing control over our bodily function.
So its important to approach each situation with the affected person, and to help them help YOU understand the problems and issues they're having, and to help make them feel comfortable talking to us about their individual experience, offer our support, and help work WITH them to come up with a solution that will work for them while still helping them maintain their dignity and as much autonomy as humanly possible in the process.
When my grandmother got to that point, I simply provided her with a wide range of products, and told her that they were there for her if she felt like she wanted to use them, and I told her that I would gladly explain how to use any of them or to help her with them if she wanted me to.
But the important part was I made her feel like SHE was in control of finding a solution that worked for her, and I did my best to make her feel like she was part of the process.. and I was merely just here to support her if she needed it.
I use disposable pads and washable reuseable pads. Also from Amazon. Also a plastic noiseless pad on the matress and under the bed pad is also a good way to go.
I will look at other brands now...
If your LO doesn't have a UTI, you may want to ask the doc about AZO with Go-Less. I had to put my mom on this because she was soaking through her diaper, her pants and the bed pad, sometimes 2x per night and this was even with getting up 2-3 times each night to go and with a fluid intake limit per her doctor!
We are still waiting on answers at her next appointment as she still soaks her diaper and gets up 2-3 times per night to go, but at least it doesn't soak all the way through now- there has been a difference.
I know how frustrating this must be for you and hope you get a solution soon.
I also wanted to recommend for the bed, I bought these for my mom. She actually uses two at a time (side by side) so that the pads hang over and protects the sides of the (twin) mattress. She said she was impressed with how much it holds. She said they were soft enough to put over her sheets, which means they catch the urine and keep her sheets dry. And they are supposed to be washable up to 400 times. Good luck to you. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01JAAVHUC/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
ETA: Totally in agreement with the bedside commode recommendations.
Stage 4 - to the bone- will create havoc...
be careful... these sores are something you do not want to deal with...
AVOID THEM AT ALL COST
call and ask about them and if they are accurate or not.
Abriform diapers the heaviest most absorbant ones.
pads... most like the washabale ones plus disposable ones.
chucks...
]ask social services, hopsital, nursing homes, etc.
as for pads... as much as it takes.
One concern with all this wetting is keeping the skin from getting a rash, so I slather him with Butt Paste or Barrier Cream (basically vaseline). I've purchased the condom catheter but have not used it yet. I've heard it's tough to remove (adhesive sticks to hair).
For nighttime I dress him in a heavy wrap around diaper (thicker than the Depends pullup) and add a pair of stretch boxers to keep it in place. It reduces the number of times I have to get up at night, sometimes he gets through the night without a change. All the best to you, with a challenging task.
- Trip to urologist
- Bedside commode
- Specialty store for his needs
Use quilted pads with plastic on one side (available at CVS, most drugstores, and Amazon). The largest size should be put on sideways right beneath the patient's hips and be UNDER the bottom sheet, hanging down over the side of the mattress about six inches to protect both the top and side of the mattress. Another one should be under the patient's hips but on TOP of the bottom sheet. If one or both get wet, it's fairly easy to take them off and wash them, but you'll need at least four pads so there's always a new one ready.
Then follow the advice of some people who have already commented and experiment with various adult diapers, etc. to find the best combination. I found diapers to be far better than pull-ups because they hold more. This is especially important at night.
If the patient is always in bed, it might be wise to dispense with pajama bottoms and let him only wear the diapers. Fewer layers mean less to wash, assuming that he's still warm enough with only the bed covers.
Have him checked for a urinary infection (extremely common among older people). Remind him to try to use the urinal every hour or so. Limit all fluids several hours before bedtime so you'll be changing bed linens less often at night.
This, too, shall pass. Incontinence presents one of the more difficult aspects of caregiving. I used to do at least six loads of laundry every single day for months on end. It completely wore out the washing machine, which finally broke about two weeks after my loved one died. But just do the best you can.
We started with "chux" disposable pads for bed protection and moved to a washable padded cotton pad that is waterproof. Amazon has many different sizes.
Be sure to use a barrier cream on the skin to protect from rashes. Some good advice below but we use Desitin.
Best way to economise is to buy in bulk online.
Try doubleing the diapers, wearing two might stop the leakage.
If that doesn't work, tell him he has to wear the vinyl pants over the diapers or he can change his own clothes and sheets and wash them himself.
If he's not able to do that then tell him he will have to be Catherized.
Also, try waterproof sofa bed mattress pads. They don't have the extra fabric for the sides, just elastic. They are bigger, cheaper, and can be laundered daily.
I like Maple3044 answer, sticking a guards thick pad in the pullup. I buy Tranquility overnite pullups for my husband. To me the pull ups are easier than having to do the tabs but everyone is different. Depends pullups are good to.
I did this for a care client I had who was totally incontinent.
Baby diapers are made differently then adult ones are. You do try this and his bedding will be dry as a bone even overnight.