Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Usually I leave the room, but I have had occasional success in calmly telling my mother to stop acting like a 4-year old. Your mileage may vary. It's a tough one for sure.
It is SO difficult. I read your question and just thought sadly "I don't know."
The last time I saw my MIL do this there were three of us in the room and we just stood there and gaped at her. One was her paid companion, one was her daughter, who's a consultant psychiatrist, and one was me, who stopped caring what MIL thought about anything twelve years ago.
She was having an insane meltdown over a kitchen fitting that she'd wrenched off its fixings, and the poor caregiver was trying to put it back under a barrage of accusation and insult. We just let it burn itself out, there was no distracting MIL or getting her out of the room and the dam' thing did have to be put back, nothing for it...
So above all, do not ever blame yourself for finding this kind of situation difficult to manage with grace and elegance. It's a bummer!
Dear midkid58: Someone on this site suggested a counselor so I could vent a little. I feel guilty even leaving for 90 minutes,but it does help. And like you advised, not taking it personally I'd like being given freedom. Grateful for your words☺
It's best to physically remove yourself from the fray. Walk into another room, talk a short walk, deep breathing the whole time. Mother will occasionally rage at me and I DO have the option of leaving, often for months at a time. If she lived with me--well, I'd be stark raving mad by now.
Better to walk away and not fall into a trap where you also start to lose it. With dementia often comes irrational rages and anger. Try not to take it personally. (Yes, I DO in fact know haw hard that is).
I don't know if there is a best thing to say. My Mom isn't really narcissistic, but she does rage. Sometimes I tell her, "I'm so sorry you are angry, I wish I could fix it for you." Sometimes that actually calms her down. Sometimes she tells me to go to hell. No matter what I say, it's a gamble. LOL
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If your mother has any filters at all, she will stop, not wanting others to hear her.
Or call your voicemail if you don't want anyone to hear her. Pretend you are talking to someone. Then leave the house for your safety.
The last time I saw my MIL do this there were three of us in the room and we just stood there and gaped at her. One was her paid companion, one was her daughter, who's a consultant psychiatrist, and one was me, who stopped caring what MIL thought about anything twelve years ago.
She was having an insane meltdown over a kitchen fitting that she'd wrenched off its fixings, and the poor caregiver was trying to put it back under a barrage of accusation and insult. We just let it burn itself out, there was no distracting MIL or getting her out of the room and the dam' thing did have to be put back, nothing for it...
So above all, do not ever blame yourself for finding this kind of situation difficult to manage with grace and elegance. It's a bummer!
Better to walk away and not fall into a trap where you also start to lose it. With dementia often comes irrational rages and anger. Try not to take it personally. (Yes, I DO in fact know haw hard that is).