My sister and her family (husband and two kids) were gracious enough to take care of my mom for the past 6 years, who started out with dementia and now has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Last month, my sister moved my mom to an adult home care/assisted living. Although I understand why, I have an issue with the facility itself. It's run by nice people however there is no overnight staff, nor any enrichment/respite service to cater to someone with memory issues.Being that my sister has financial POA, she has full access to both my mom's pension and SS benefits, which is directly deposited into her bank account. As I wasn't really as involved with the caring of my mom, I didn't make an issue until now. Since she was moved out of their home, I do have questions about the type of assisted living she choose. I feel like my mom can afford better than where she currently is, however my sister is not sharing or being honest about my mom's total income.
How can this be resolved without going to court? Any advice.
I don't know what the bank set up is. It used to be joint, but I have no idea what it currently is.
Your sister is probably physically and emotionally burned out. It is said that 40% of all caregivers die leaving behind the love one he/she was caring.
Please note any type of caregiving home or a Memory Care facility is going to be very expensive. My Dad was in a Memory Care and it was costing him $7k per month, and that was 7 years ago, so I can just imagine what is the cost today. And that's not counting the cost of personal items (Depends are expensive), out-of-pocket cost for medicine, clothing, shoes, eyeglasses, hearing-aids, phone service, accountant for income taxes, etc.
My Dad's pension and Social Security were deposited into his bank account to which I was authorized to sign checks for any of the above mentioned expenses. Could be your sister has a separate account with her name and your Dad's name?
With the above in mind, do you still believe that your Mom could afford better? And for how many years? A good friend of mine, his wife had Alzheimer's for 15. Also note, many Memory Care facilities have a long waiting list.
I would nicely ask her what she thinks of the facility. Tell her you're a little concerned about no one there at night. That is definitely disturbing to me. You could try to be on the same team with your sister and try to ensure that she does not feel attacked. Since she has been taking care of your mom it's easy to feel defensive.
I hope sister will be willing to talk about things and come to a mutually agreeable solution.
Best of luck
Does this assisted living have absolutely no one on staff overnight ? Not even one aide ? I have never heard of that before .
If that is the case I would be concerned .
Is this one of those small care homes in a house with like only 6-10 residents ?
Even many large assisted livings do not have a nurse on overnight but there are always aides overnight , and a nurse on call .
You could try a mediator to help you voice concerns to your sister.