I am a 35 year old mother of a 1 year old daughter who lives with my husband in Texas. We recently moved my mother in because she had nowhere to go. She had a double mastectomy's in 2022 no chemo no radiation and started declining in health shortly after. We are sure depression has something to do with the decline but she is since been on meds. She's a long time diabetic due to pancreas not functioning, very underweight, and does not ambulate well (uses a walker and falls 1-2 times a week). She is a very stubborn mean woman and has always been avoidant of doctors and never quit eating sugar after diabetes diagnosis. She has been in and out of the hospital the past year for various issues including sepsis, bone infection due to bed sores, mostly for her sugars being off then she can't walk. She has been stuck in a cycle of hospital for emergency then rehab. Once rehab gets her able to ambulate she is dismissed to home where she does not take care of her insulin needs, other needs then declines follow up visits. She was tested 6 months ago and does not have cancer or dementia/Alzheimer's. The only diagnosis she gets is that she needs to eat more. We tried to get her help during the past year but she refused and did not let us help. APS or Lawyers could not intervene because she is considered competent. Her husband has divorced her because he cannot watch her not take care of herself and she didn't represent herself during the divorce so all she gets is half the sale of the house when it sells roughly 50-60k. She has no retirement savings or any assets. She is only 64 so does not qualify for medicare. She hasn't worked in 20 years so she does not qualify for disability money. She gets around 900 a month. She also does not participate at the doctors visits or want to go to them. I am trying to figure out what to do. I know I can't force someone to take care of themselves but I am also struggling turning my back on her because I truly don't know where she would go. I have been helping her with her insulin which keeps her somewhat level and eating. I am having trouble drawing the line where I do and do not intervene. We also have no idea when the house will sell so we are trying to pay for everything until she can use her money and spend it down on care until Medicaid can take over. I am just at a loss at what my responsibilities are and how to balance that she isn't interested in getting better or figuring out what is wrong.
Perhaps what you need to do is to find ‘somewhere else’ for her to go, take her there and drop her off. If she goes to a shelter, they will probably take over sorting her out. Do it ASAP, before the ‘recent move in’ turns into her establishing a right to live with you. If her diet refusals mean she goes into hospital again, remove her belongings and refuse to take her back into your house.
This is going to require real firmness with the hospital/rehab social workers. You will have to blame her ‘impossible behaviors’, refusal of medical care, the stress to you, and the ‘damage to your marriage and child’. As soon as she is gone, remove the bed she slept in and set up the room for a different function. Be firm. Forget FOG (fear obligation and guilt). If you don't, you can see the next 20 or 30 years stretching in front of you, so make up your mind and don't change it.