My mother is in what seems to be a very good NH following as serious stroke. She has pretty serious cognitive issues (mostly short term memory loss) but can still be totally "with it." She has previously told me about things that supposedly happened to her there (typically at night) which she described as "abuse." Once it was an aide who may have been a little too impatient with her, which I reported to the management (and which the NH responded to by suspending the aide for a week and making sure this particular aide was no longer assigned to my mom; they also filed a report with the state health department). Other times it was clear that what she was telling me simply could not have happened (like wild parties in her room in the middle of the night), which I did not report. This morning she called me extremely upset with a story that I find very hard to believe (that up to five aides made fun of her, took her face and pretended to have her kiss them -- either on the mouth or on their breasts, and did other "vulgar" things that she would not describe to me. She says it all started when she was trying to read their badges). Her retelling is not coherent but she clearly believes that this happened. I suspect it was either a dream or some sort of hallucination (she is on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, and the dosage is higher at night). She also is perceptive enough to recognize that I do not fully believe what she is telling me, despite my best efforts to remain neutral when she tells me this stuff. So she gets very upset with me and says I am "taking their side." I am not sure how to respond to her. I am also not sure if I should mention any of this to the management. On the one hand, they will feel legally obligated to launch an investigation, report to the dept. of health, etc. and I don't want to put them through that for what seems to be a confabulation. On the other hand, I am terrified that my mother may be being mistreated in some way and I then ignore it. What would you do?
I hope you still aren't considering moving your mother in with you?
I am still struggling with whether to keep her in the NH but not really thinking of moving her in with us. I know that's not something I could handle, even with 24/7 help, and our house would require major work to make it safe for her. Her CCR informed me last week that they will not agree to have her move back into her independent living apartment, even with 24/7 care, so the only other option is to rent her an apartment somewhere near us. I know that would be very challenging, I know that it would not make her "happy," and I certainly see the pitfalls, but it is hard to come to terms with leaving her in a place where she is so desperately unhappy.
Thanks again for responding.