I am an only child (daughter). I'm 61 caring for my dad who is 84. I have always been a daddy's girl. We get along wonderfully most of the time. I'm getting stretched to the max keeping him in his own home as he desperately wants. I have part time help. He is diabetic with severe neuropathy and stenosis in his back (making very weak legs). I know there will come a point when I have to move him to L/A or memory care. How can I get help when it comes to that time?
The Medicaid application has a "look-back" period. In IA it is currently 60 months (5 years) so...get yourself and your dad to an elder law attorney who is familiar with Medicaid and do some planning to make sure you he is managing his funds in a way that won't disqualify him (like co-mingling your funds with his, or making transactions of cash, assets or property that can be interpreted as gifting). It is a worth-while investment that will pay for itself. I hope this was the info you were seeking.
The hurt is not just the move. It’s a combination of things. It’s aging, a hurting body, a hurting mind, losses of both people and profession, loss of previous loved ones. I could go on and on.
Those things will be also in your Dad’s mind, besides the move. You will hear the hurt about the move, because maybe he won’t be able to verbalize all of the other things.
YOU matter, too. When it all gets to the point that you can’t do it all, it may be time for more help, or the move.
You MUST take care of yourself, as well. Even IF you move your dad, you will still need to be healthy (and alive!) to take on the outside management of his care.
Best wishes to you!
Assure him you'll visit frequently, too, and will remain his little girl for life.
Good luck!
Repeat until you believe it.
"How to do it without him being angry or hurt..". Feeling angry at getting old or sad at moving are normal feelings. It is ok for him to feel however he may feel.
"....or who can help me convince him". This may or may not even be possible. If not, go back to 1st sentence & repeat.