Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
We just lied to my mom. We told her that she and my sister were going to visit me in my new house. When she asked when she was going home, we said in a week or two.
Even if you have the legal authority to force incompetent elders into care it’s not easy. I had a POA giving me broad powers but I waited for the event/crisis to make the move. Otherwise I would have had to physically drag them in the door.
I moved mom to assisted living after she fell and was in the hospital. She did not come home, went directly into care. Dad had dementia at this point, no short term memory. I had to bamboozle him to get him to move in with mom a few days later.
None of this was pleasant or easy. The first couple weeks were pure hell but it had to be done.
My advice is to start laying track now. Look at facilities in your area. Get the money figured out etc.
Kathi, you stop running to the rescue, that is how they are forced to make changes. Sorry, I know that path stinks, but you can not force anyone to move unless you have guardianship, their rights are paramount in the eyes of the law not their safety.
Yes I know about hte laws and you are right. I did not mean to side track that part. I even know of people who have bullied there parent into an AL and the parent turns around and called the police and told them they had been kidnapped. The police took the parent home and the AL had no choice but to let them go. So you are correct.
If you have POA and Mom has been declared incompetent to handle her own affairs, then its time for you take over her care. Its no longer what she wants, its what she needs.
I suggest since you have downsized and husband has health problems you not bring her into ur home. If Mom has money, spend it on a nice AL near you if u want. If no money, then its Medicaid in a long term care facility. You will need to check with Medicaid on resident criteria if u bring her to ur state. Your Moms Dementia will worsen. A time will come when she needs 24/7 care. Like u have written, its getting too much for the neighbor.
She has some money enough to last a few years in an AL, then Medicaid will have to help out, so I am looking for an AL that will accept Medicaid when needed, ones that also have MC, so that she could stay on the same campus preferably. I started out looking at CCRCs but they are very expensive and so far she has not qualified financially. Is that what you mean by long term care facility?
Right now I am looking at all options but the ALs in Florida are much nicer, newer and less expensive than where I live, so that is my focus right now.
Short answer is, you don't. Unless they are legally incompetent and under guardianship then they are free to make their own, albeit bad, decisions. The way most of us have managed to get our LO talked into moving to assisted living is to stop enabling them. Hopefully it doesn't end in the dreaded fall where they are actually unable to move back home but you do have to make it uncomfortable enough for them to finally make the move. If you are stopping by every day or every few days stop doing that. If you are taking care of all the repairs, or supplying meals, or making arrangements for housekeeping stop doing that. Once they are forced to really "live" on their own and it becomes impossible they may change their minds. But be prepared that they will just continue to muddle along in a dangerous situation and you will have to wait for the crisis.
You list this under Alzheimer's and Dementia. So I am guessing that both have dementia? And are diagnosed? Are you POA? Are you guardian? What powers are designated under your POA if you have it? What you can "force" is dependent on what powers are conferred upon you. If you have no conservatorship, no guardianship, and your parents fight a move, are not BOTH diagnosed as demented, you are down to the mercy of the state, calling APS for an assessment of what may be a dangerous situation for your parents. Without further info that's about it.
I agree with the part about stop enabling them but I live far away so waiting for a crisis really makes me nervous. I keep talking to my mother, taking things away gradually, letting it sink in and hoping a praying that one day she is going to say alright lets do this. If this does not happen I know that I will have to insist. Most of my friends who have been through this support the theory of lying to them. Something like pack a bag we are going on vacation and take them to an AL. I know some that have kept up the rouse for years. Lying is hard for me and keeping it up is even harder but I have seen it work. I have had AL managers talk about there facilities like that, they are going on vacation. They no longer have to cook, clean or do laundry, they just have to have fun. My mother can not see the differences between and AL and NH so we are working on that right now. Good luck.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I moved mom to assisted living after she fell and was in the hospital. She did not come home, went directly into care. Dad had dementia at this point, no short term memory. I had to bamboozle him to get him to move in with mom a few days later.
None of this was pleasant or easy. The first couple weeks were pure hell but it had to be done.
My advice is to start laying track now. Look at facilities in your area. Get the money figured out etc.
I suggest since you have downsized and husband has health problems you not bring her into ur home. If Mom has money, spend it on a nice AL near you if u want. If no money, then its Medicaid in a long term care facility. You will need to check with Medicaid on resident criteria if u bring her to ur state. Your Moms Dementia will worsen. A time will come when she needs 24/7 care. Like u have written, its getting too much for the neighbor.
I have had AL managers talk about there facilities like that, they are going on vacation. They no longer have to cook, clean or do laundry, they just have to have fun. My mother can not see the differences between and AL and NH so we are working on that right now.
Good luck.