How do you know when to stop giving your parent food?

I'm surprised the nirse wants you to stop giving her food and water. Mom certainly began refusing it, but I never stopped offering it to her. If she is conscious and asking, I personally would not refuse it. The hospice nurse would have to explain why to me in a way I could understand.

I would ask my mom if she wanted anything and usually she said no. At times I would offer ice cream, Popsicles (shave a little off and use a plastic spoon) pudding. She would take a few spoonful then said she had enough. She slept most of the time and if awake, only for about 15-20 mins at a time. I used the sponges in a stuck, provided by hospuce. Would dip in water and let her suck on it. Also made sure to clean out her mouth. Sometimes I would dip it in tea, her favorite. This was the first week. The second week she said no to everything and I would just swab her mouth. Always made sure I had the head of the bed raised when doing the swabs. Her urine slowly decreased and about 5 days later she peacefully passed. I never stopped offering food and drink. She chose to decline. The first day was hard on me, thinking I am starving hwr. By the end of the second day she was so peaceful and content, i accepted it. By this time we were giving her morphine round the clock. You play it by hear and dowhat you think is right. Remember, there are no wrong choices on hospice. Reading the hospuce book about what to accept was very helpful. I would refer back to it each day. If you are not comfortable with anything, call hospice, they are there 24/7. I wish you, your mom and fsmily, peace and comfort on this journey 😇

Interesting variations in how Hospice approaches this. My husband's nurse said offer food but don't push it. Some days he ate, some days he didn't. He liked Popsicles and that provided some fluid. At the end we didn't really worry much about possible aspiration. Pneumonia is not a bad way to go.

The day of his death, my husband ate his usual breakfast (which he hadn't done for a while) and seemed to enjoy it very much. He also perked up and read the newspaper. He didn't want to eat the rest of the day. He died in the evening.

So I guess based on the advice I got and my experience with it, I would give food and liquid right up to the end, IF the person seemed to want it. I would not coax or encourage or "push" food and liquids. I would be guided by what the dying person wanted.

My mom was on hospice. I was instructed to keep her comfortable. To me - that meant providing her with food, water and pain medications as long as she wanted them and they were well tolerated (ie) no choking.

The nourishment changed from solids, to liquids, etc., but not withheld. She ate less and less and I did not force her to eat.

Eventually (as her body no longer required nutrients) she stopped wanting food and water. She slept more and more. Then one night; I went in to tell her goodnight, and she stopped breathing.

What happens when you give her food? Does she choke? If she does, she is aspirating food and that can cause pneumonia. Our mom is on thick liquids only, just water makes her choke, it gets in her lungs. If she can keep things down, OK, feed her. Just do what is safest for mom.

Our hospice has never told us to withhold food or liquids.It is all about being comfortable and pain free so if Mom wants to eat something I should let her have it. I put food on a tray 3x a day and she eats what she wants. She does not eat much, but seems to be drinking all the liquids on the tray and eats the deserts...little jellos and puddings. I will continue to offer food and she can take what she wants at this stage. Then the nurse asks what percentage she is eating or cutting back. She seems to be choosing to eat a bit less each week.

I agree - if they are asking for it, provide it by all means.

There are a lot of family members forcing food & drink, due to not understanding that it really doesn't help prolong life and can make dying more difficult.

Little75: I don't know if this will help, but my mom had dementia for several years, and during the time she was in the nursing facility, she suffered a major stroke and heart attack. She was sent to the hospital for several days, and then when they could do no more to help her, she was sent back to the nursing facility. She did not want a feeding tube or any "heroic" measures (told me a long time ago - many times), so they gave her IV fluids only and because of the IV could give her morphine so she would not be in pain. She also had a catheter in place. I still get teary-eyed when I think of her lying there. She was able to hang on for about 6 days. I feel that you will know when it's time to stop food and water, and I wish you the best in all of this. I've been there, and my heart goes out to you and your loved one.

My dad refused food for about two weeks before he passed; totally would NOT take anything. Did take small amounts of water. He also would not take his regular meds either; my cousin, who is a doctor that had staff privileges in the hospital where he was said that being without the meds did have an effect on his survival, but there was not anything we could do about it. Much later I realized that it was his choice; he missed my mom terribly (she had been gone a little more than five years) and I am the youngest and was the last one at home. He thought the world of my fiance and knew I would be taken care of, and wanted to go.

After I said all of what I said above....We must somehow remember they are dying. Food will not make a difference. I just don't want him to be hungry. I don't even think hunger is an issue when they are dying. It is the dryness of their mouth. I bought a spray (biotene moisturizing Mouth Spray) Two sprits in each side of his mouth and he is happy again. I use lip cream and put it on my finger and spread it on his lips. The biotene can be purchased at any drug store. I know when my husband died, he just wanted water. The doctor refused his water, so I wet a wash cloth and let him suck on the cloth. They are afraid they will asperate. Whatever, don't be afraid they are dying. My partner is my love and I have been told not to fuss over him to much. Let him rest and comfort him by massaging his feet and a cool wash cloth on his forehead and head now and then.