How do you know when to stop giving your parent food?

My mom was on hospice. I was instructed to keep her comfortable. To me - that meant providing her with food, water and pain medications as long as she wanted them and they were well tolerated (ie) no choking.

The nourishment changed from solids, to liquids, etc., but not withheld. She ate less and less and I did not force her to eat.

Eventually (as her body no longer required nutrients) she stopped wanting food and water. She slept more and more. Then one night; I went in to tell her goodnight, and she stopped breathing.

Interesting variations in how Hospice approaches this. My husband's nurse said offer food but don't push it. Some days he ate, some days he didn't. He liked Popsicles and that provided some fluid. At the end we didn't really worry much about possible aspiration. Pneumonia is not a bad way to go.

The day of his death, my husband ate his usual breakfast (which he hadn't done for a while) and seemed to enjoy it very much. He also perked up and read the newspaper. He didn't want to eat the rest of the day. He died in the evening.

So I guess based on the advice I got and my experience with it, I would give food and liquid right up to the end, IF the person seemed to want it. I would not coax or encourage or "push" food and liquids. I would be guided by what the dying person wanted.

It is time when hospice advises you that it is. They have so many years of experience with dying patients, they know what to do.The problem with giving food to a dying patient is they may aspirate-breathe in- the food and it will get stuck in their airwaves and choke them. Last Sunday, my husband developed aspirational pneumonia. They tried to give him chicken soup for breakfast. He ate 4 spoonsful and no more. That was the last food or drink he had. The hospice worker brought in a hospital bed and he fell asleep. Three days later, he passed peacefully in his sleep.

I'm surprised the nirse wants you to stop giving her food and water. Mom certainly began refusing it, but I never stopped offering it to her. If she is conscious and asking, I personally would not refuse it. The hospice nurse would have to explain why to me in a way I could understand.

Little75: I don't know if this will help, but my mom had dementia for several years, and during the time she was in the nursing facility, she suffered a major stroke and heart attack. She was sent to the hospital for several days, and then when they could do no more to help her, she was sent back to the nursing facility. She did not want a feeding tube or any "heroic" measures (told me a long time ago - many times), so they gave her IV fluids only and because of the IV could give her morphine so she would not be in pain. She also had a catheter in place. I still get teary-eyed when I think of her lying there. She was able to hang on for about 6 days. I feel that you will know when it's time to stop food and water, and I wish you the best in all of this. I've been there, and my heart goes out to you and your loved one.

What happens when you give her food? Does she choke? If she does, she is aspirating food and that can cause pneumonia. Our mom is on thick liquids only, just water makes her choke, it gets in her lungs. If she can keep things down, OK, feed her. Just do what is safest for mom.