Though I Love and adore my 96 yr. old father, living with him 8 yr., with my emotional support dogs and beloved butterfly garden, but... His money is running out and the only way we could continue to go on is if I find contract work. Diagnosed with disabling anxiety and depression after 5 yr. of nearly fatal illness, my dad took me in. Though I repaid him with disability and contribute monthly, My dad's growing demands and deteriorating Alzheimers with Screaming outbursts, eviction threats (though I contribute $ mo. & soo much more) and the loneliness for a personal life overwhelmed by fear of poverty, as I don't get enough SS $ to live at our current, frugal level, forcing me into near homelessness. My dad has not drawn up a will nor an agreement to solidify his promise that if he sells his house, that he will pay for my relocation and 3 mo. rent. I'm 66 but look younger, attractive but I'm insecure, afraid to date again, after disastrous imposters. Unable to save but tiny nest egg, to keep us afloat. I don't want to desert dad, but don't think I could work anymore, given the 24/7 burden, exhaustion. The burden of selling the house and preparing everything for sale or moving the would be even more burdensome: Get panics attacks at the thought. I owe my dad so much, And I know he wants more than anything to stay and for me to care for him, And he would be forced to live with my sister which would be miserable, But she could care for him financially along with his social security. I'm afraid to tell my psychiatrist the depth of my fear and desperation. There is no one who is in a position or willing to help me. If I can recover my confidence, I may be able to find work once I'm on my own and have the bandwith, but things are so uncertain and terrifying. If I Stay, I have a roof over my head and periodic moments of dealing with Dr. Jekyll and not just Mr. Hyde. I spend nearly all my time in my Room when I'm not doing chores. I'm trying to decide if the price I'm paying for this precarious is something I can endure, as his ALZ worsens. Only I seem to be the one to see him as Mr. Hyde. My sister makes excuses that is just memory that he's always been like this. She's very thin skinned. I'm not just venting. I have looked into golden girl type arrangements but haven't found any in my area yet. And I have no guarantee my dad will honor his promise to resettle me once he sees what's netted by selling the house and belongings. I can almost bet he will blame me for the debt, though I can prove it's his or household. Please don't respond with anything negative just constructive advice and support, As I'm fragile enough at this point. I've done my best to offer support to everyone else on this group and now it's my turn to ask. Please.
What about a Medicaid and a Memory Care facility for your father? You understand there is no reverse gear on Alzheimer’s, right? No matter how dedicated your sister is to caring for him, burnout for her is on the horizon if she takes on his care. Dad may wind up in a facility anyway. If his disease is progressing the way Alzheimer’s does, his ability to reason is compromised.
Determination to make the changes you want to make in your life is key to your emotional and mental well-being. These changes cannot happen overnight. Regardless of whether your sister believes your father has Alzheimer’s or not, the fact is you need (want?) out. Something has to change. Small steps. Set a goal for yourself and achieve it with the help of your therapist. It must start with you.
Somewhere secure and affordable to live
Gainful employment
A widening social network
As you are already in contact with social services providers, can they put you in touch with an adviser who can help you towards these goals? If you don't fancy that idea, what about looking online for advice organisations related to housing and employment.
You and your father having been propping each other up for eight years, but it already hasn't been working and it is going to get worse. He cannot provide you with certainty - he probably doesn't even know the answers you want, even if he were prepared to tell you - and his own needs are increasing.
Finding your own place and your own source of income is step one, because this is "putting on your oxygen mask" before you try to help anyone else.
Once you've done that, or at least made progress, everything else will begin to get back into perspective. At the moment you're seeing ALL of the things that need to happen all at once. As though you had to sort your Dad's care, pack up the house, start a new job, rent an apartment, fight off your sister and solve global warming all by the end of this week.
DO talk to your psychiatrist about how afraid you are. You must. There are techniques you can use that will stop your genuine, well-founded anxieties turning into crippling panic and overwhelming you.
I'm supposed to be putting my own CV together now, as I type. It is a bit of a mess :/ to put it politely. You are not alone!
contrary, yo're doing more than most of us could. God bless you.