I learned a lot by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving for people with dementia.
"Broken brain" is the most simple explanation. Dementias wreck parts of the brain that controls certain aspects of functionality. This is why certain dementias produce certain behaviors as it progresses.
It's not that people with dementia like or dislike certain things or actions, it's that their brains can no longer process reason, logic, judgment, empathy, time and space, etc. Often in the early stages their family thinks they are "just being stubborn" or "lazy" but it's because then *cannot* do things that they used to, or should now do.
Here's a good guide that I keep where I can see it daily:
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia...
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
Their brains are broken and they do not understand. My friend will take a plastic cup, wipe out the little extra that is left in it with a napkin then put it in her purse to take home for later. ; / I have to take it out of her purse or if she goes to the bathroom I remove it - out of sight out of mind! Also, when served lunch she will say she is not hungry - Dang woman you haven't eaten for five hours! So I show her dessert and tell her she needs to eat such n such then she can have this or then she can have her soda (which she really loves). Yes treating her like a kid. Showers are the worst, or making sure she has underwear on. They don't remember and they don't know. You need to be on them like a 6 year old!
"Broken brain" is the most simple explanation. Dementias wreck parts of the brain that controls certain aspects of functionality. This is why certain dementias produce certain behaviors as it progresses.
It's not that people with dementia like or dislike certain things or actions, it's that their brains can no longer process reason, logic, judgment, empathy, time and space, etc. Often in the early stages their family thinks they are "just being stubborn" or "lazy" but it's because then *cannot* do things that they used to, or should now do.
Here's a good guide that I keep where I can see it daily:
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia...
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
There really is no rhyme or reason why they do the things they to. Some things are just odd to us but makes sense to us.
As for showering, a lot are scared, scared of falling, even scared of water. We have no clue why.
I read once that a black line on a floor could look like an endless scary pit to them. So who knows what is going on in the brain.
So please look up those things on Google, and best of luck in this horriblely hard time