I think there is a flaw in the wording of your question. Dementia patients don't "LIKE" any such thing. Their brain is not functioning the way it used to, and their behavior will reflect oddities which you never expected. They may not "like" it at all. But they can't help themselves. Showering may feel like an attack on them. They simply don't see the reasoning in it. And getting wet feels like an assault on their senses. Don't try to reason with your loved one or argue about their strange habits. Their sense of reasoning is gone. Simply pick up the trash when the are not looking, and do your best to motivate them to be clean. They may require a sponge bath. Get a wash basin ( I use a large plastic bowl) with warm soapy water, and sprinkle a few drops of their favorite scent, and a nice, soft washcloth. If they fight, give them a small towel to hold with the instruction to "dry themself off". You may have to compromise your idea of cleanliness. Do the best you can do, and accept that this is the best you can do, and that it is good enough. Keep a sense of humor, and live with them while they are going through this terribly hard time. Try to understand their perspective. It's kind of like raising young children.
My mother stashes tissues, toilet paper and napkins. I have to go into her rollator pocket and clean it out at least once a week if not more. First thing I do, is put on rubber gloves to do this as I have found banana peels, apple cores, etc. rotting in the bottom. Also after she goes to the bathroom, I will find scores of soiled toilet paper in her pockets...this is a daily clean out. Nine times out of ten it's too late to get them out before she soils her clothes with them. I usually do at least one small load a day of only her clothing. Her new thing is to go into her closet and pull out a clean scrub top (she likes them because they have pockets), long sleeved sweater and wipes her hands (or elsewhere) on them. She gets upset when I make her go to the bathroom about every hour when I have to take her to an appointment. She insists she doesn't have to go, but that's the only way I can keep all she's wearing clean. While we're waiting for the doctor or technician to come in I will do a quick cleaning of her scrub pockets, pants pockets and her purse wearing gloves of course. This is the complete opposite when she was doing well. You could eat off the kitchen floor, every day would be a dusting day and either dry mop or wet mop day. If you put your glass down and didn't pick it up in the next five minutes, she would have it washed, dried and back in the cupboard.
Because nothing makes any sense any longer to them. Their brains are dying! So it's really not safe for them to take showers un-aided. Anything they do, say, or even think doesn't make any sense any longer! My Dad has Lewy Body Dementia (he 96yrs old) and has haluncinations (His hands were on fire yesterday). Try to relax about it if you can. I've learned to just go with the flow - for my own sanity!
Those are common behaviors when someone has dementia. They don’t really know why some things are common in patients and other things are very individual behaviors stemming from their life experience.
Try to distract or find other ways to keep up with hygiene. Sponge bath in bed, washcloth while standing in bathroom. Scented body wipes they like the smell of etc. Be calm if they won’t cooperate.
As for trash, don’t scold - just throw it out when they aren’t looking. If they go through trash cans, move the cans to a different location not as visible to them.
Remember these behaviors will probably pass. Only to be replaced by other dementia behaviors. Each change needs to be handled with love. It’s sooo hard not to become frustrated, you are only human, but again the behaviors change.
Totally agree with the other reply here from Geaton777…try as much as possible to live by those guidelines from Teepa Snow. Keep the peace for the dementia person and your own piece of mind. Arguing, fighting, trying to change or teach the person with dementia will NEVER work. Their brain just is not capable.
As for showering, my mil (who did not have dementia) refused to shower. She said the water stung her. She would wipe down at the sink and enjoyed the bed baths done by the hospice aide, but even though she could have easily gotten into our shower, she refused. All her life, she took baths. I saw a genuine fear there of the water "stinging" her skin. So, just something else to consider. Perhaps your loved one simply does not like the feeling of water from a shower head hitting their skin.
I learned a lot by watching Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and caregiving for people with dementia.
"Broken brain" is the most simple explanation. Dementias wreck parts of the brain that controls certain aspects of functionality. This is why certain dementias produce certain behaviors as it progresses.
It's not that people with dementia like or dislike certain things or actions, it's that their brains can no longer process reason, logic, judgment, empathy, time and space, etc. Often in the early stages their family thinks they are "just being stubborn" or "lazy" but it's because then *cannot* do things that they used to, or should now do.
Here's a good guide that I keep where I can see it daily:
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia...
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible (because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
Their brains are broken and they do not understand. My friend will take a plastic cup, wipe out the little extra that is left in it with a napkin then put it in her purse to take home for later. ; / I have to take it out of her purse or if she goes to the bathroom I remove it - out of sight out of mind! Also, when served lunch she will say she is not hungry - Dang woman you haven't eaten for five hours! So I show her dessert and tell her she needs to eat such n such then she can have this or then she can have her soda (which she really loves). Yes treating her like a kid. Showers are the worst, or making sure she has underwear on. They don't remember and they don't know. You need to be on them like a 6 year old!
Dementia patients don't "LIKE" any such thing.
Their brain is not functioning the way it used to, and their behavior will reflect oddities which you never expected. They may not "like" it at all. But they can't help themselves.
Showering may feel like an attack on them. They simply don't see the reasoning in it. And getting wet feels like an assault on their senses.
Don't try to reason with your loved one or argue about their strange habits.
Their sense of reasoning is gone.
Simply pick up the trash when the are not looking, and do your best to motivate them to be clean. They may require a sponge bath. Get a wash basin ( I use a large plastic bowl) with warm soapy water, and sprinkle a few drops of their favorite scent, and a nice, soft washcloth. If they fight, give them a small towel to hold with the instruction to "dry themself off".
You may have to compromise your idea of cleanliness. Do the best you can do, and accept that this is the best you can do, and that it is good enough.
Keep a sense of humor, and live with them while they are going through this terribly hard time. Try to understand their perspective. It's kind of like raising young children.
Thanks!
Try to distract or find other ways to keep up with hygiene. Sponge bath in bed, washcloth while standing in bathroom. Scented body wipes they like the smell of etc. Be calm if they won’t cooperate.
As for trash, don’t scold - just throw it out when they aren’t looking. If they go through trash cans, move the cans to a different location not as visible to them.
Remember these behaviors will probably pass. Only to be replaced by other dementia behaviors. Each change needs to be handled with love. It’s sooo hard not to become frustrated, you are only human, but again the behaviors change.
Totally agree with the other reply here from Geaton777…try as much as possible to live by those guidelines from Teepa Snow. Keep the peace for the dementia person and your own piece of mind. Arguing, fighting, trying to change or teach the person with dementia will NEVER work. Their brain just is not capable.
"Broken brain" is the most simple explanation. Dementias wreck parts of the brain that controls certain aspects of functionality. This is why certain dementias produce certain behaviors as it progresses.
It's not that people with dementia like or dislike certain things or actions, it's that their brains can no longer process reason, logic, judgment, empathy, time and space, etc. Often in the early stages their family thinks they are "just being stubborn" or "lazy" but it's because then *cannot* do things that they used to, or should now do.
Here's a good guide that I keep where I can see it daily:
Rules for engaging our loved ones with dementia...
1) Agree, do not argue
2) Divert, do not attempt to reason
3) Distract, do not shame
4) Reassure, do not lecture
5) Reminisce, do not ask “Do you remember…?”
6) Repeat, do not say “I told you”
7) Do what they can do, don’t say “you can’t”
8) Ask, do not demand
9) Encourage, do not condescend
10) Reinforce, never force
The overall goals should be to:
1) keep them as calm and peaceful as possible
(because they are less and less able to bring themselves to this state on their own)
2) keep them physically protected in their environment and from predatory people
3) keep them nourished with healthy foods that they will accept without fighting or forcing
4) keep them in as good a health condition as is possible, that their financial resources will allow and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
5) keep them pain-free as possible and within their desires as expressed in a Living Will (aka Advance Healthcare Directive, POLST)
The caregiving arrangement needs to work for both the receiver and the giver. If it is onerous to the caregiver, then the arrangement is NOT working. Alternative types of care must be considered to avoid caregiver burnout.
There really is no rhyme or reason why they do the things they to. Some things are just odd to us but makes sense to us.
As for showering, a lot are scared, scared of falling, even scared of water. We have no clue why.
I read once that a black line on a floor could look like an endless scary pit to them. So who knows what is going on in the brain.
So please look up those things on Google, and best of luck in this horriblely hard time