My father was in a bad shape several months ago, he had barely any strength in his arms. My brother said my father would never regain strength. I listened to this and thought that could be true but maybe not. Then my sister-in-law told me in a mature tone that my father would be disabled in the near future and I should learn to live with it. She has a lot of credibility in that she is wealthy and on the board of a number of philanthropic foundations so I agreed to what she was saying. Well, after my father went into assisted living a few months ago he regained his strength and is nearly as good as he was years ago when you lived independently!
Now even these days my brother and sister-in-law tell me things like "We noticed he's going backwards". They are holiday until September. My brother emailed me last week saying similar things, like my father isn't doing as well as I think. I can confirm he is!
Why do my brother and sister-in-law want to create impressions that my father is worse than he really is? The only thing I can think of is that before they were doing it to get my father into assisted living so they could live their lives again (they were spending a lot of time taking care of my father and so was I). Now it seems they do not want the possibility at all that my father may want to live dependently again and therefore they would have to provide their time again. On the other hand maybe it's just their opinion of my father's condition? I don't know but it strongly seems like they want to make the situation appear worse than it is.
Has anyone else experienced this phenomenon?
Once mom went to Independent Living, was under the care of a Geriatric Psychiatrist and Geriatric specialist for both her mental and physical health issues, she appeared "good as new" and "sharp as a tack" to others. If she'd returned to her isolated suburban home, the cycle of self-neglect, crippling anxiety and demanding we attend her "emergencies" would have started again.
I had no ulterior motive, unless you consider not having to give up my marriage, my employment, time with my grandkids and own home to be "motives".
My mother got stronger when she went into assisted living. She had a care team that provided all of the support (and more) that she wasn't getting when she was living independently.
If they don't want to provide their time and care, that is their choice. Regardless of any improvement, real or perceived, you father may be experiencing, you can't force them to provide their time.
Unless you want to be the sole care provider, I would leave your father where he is. Unless he can either live totally independently or you are prepared to provide 100% of his care, he is in the best place for his needs.