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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I don't think anyone knows. Many elders seem to have this change in attitudes about bathing and showering. I've seen speculation about reasons but no real research.
I find I want to shower less than I used to. Why? I have no idea.
There are several youtube videos about helping someone shower.
My FIL wasn't the most "hygienic" guy even in his prime. His home had a tub, no shower and I think he found taking baths to be a waste of time--he was a firefighter and taking a BATH after fighting fires?? what's the point? you're basically bathing in soot. He'd shower at the fire station, but never at home.
Wasn't a huge problem, until he and MIL divorced and he retired and had a knee replacement--moved to condo with a shower, and he wouldn't get in it. He'd go weeks without showering, I know, b/c I was cleaning for him and that shower was dry, and the soap? Unused.
Weirdly, he owned a hot tub, so I guess he cleaned off sometimes.
As he grew older and sicker, he was much less likely to be coerced into the shower. I got him safety rails and a comfortable shower chair. As he was often bowel incontinent, he really didn't have the option to say "no" to bathing/showering. I know he was afraid of falling, so sometimes I'd haul DH out to make sure his dad actually stripped down and scrubbed himself. Embarrassing for both of them, I know, but dad needed to be clean--his ability to fight infections was nil.
I gave up, eventually, and got the big pre-moistened bathing wipes and gave those to him with a basin of hot water and we'd "hobo-bathe" him. I'd get him all over, and let him clean his privates himself. I insisted on clean clothes from the skin out every other day. He finally learned it was pointless to fight me--and gave in. I know he felt better when he was clean.
My mother has said that daily showering is exhausting--and she has no room in her bathroom for a second person to help her. Her attitudes about personal hygiene have really taken a downturn in the last year. She's always "tidy" but not necessarily "clean".
It is part of dementia. It's not something that you can figure out and fix. But, you can make it as pleasant as possible. Make it very, very warm in the room. Someone to prompt or help with each step is VERY important. Showering is a very complex activity.
My mother wanted her shower three times a week. The last time she was in the hospital I asked if she got a good bath. She said “Home Health could show these nurses a thing or two about a good bath.” I took that as a no. My aunt enjoys hers too but they both had always enjoyed bathing. They were both gardeners and not afraid of hard work. I think they saw it as a reward. Aunt resists every now and then for just a minute. They both had/have a good routine. I think that helps also.
My brother refuses to shower or bathe. He has had paranoid schizophrenia all his life and now at 63 has dementia but is not aware of it. Heartbreaking for me as I take care of him. He won't let anyone come to the home to help. We have bars & shower seat. He now has sores on arms and legs since it has been many months. I try to wash with moist wipes when he lets me. Don't want to put him in nursing home since he is in early stages and makes sense most of the time. Any suggestions?
When my mom first started getting hesitant about the shower, I made sure to have a good shower chair and added a hand held shower head. I would use a space heater to warm up the bathroom first. I would get the water warm, have her robe and towel ready, put soap on the wash cloth. We also found it best to do her hair at a separate time. I also didn't "ask" her if she wanted to shower, but said "your shower is ready for you to get in." We were still taking her to the salon to have her hair done once a week.
As the disease progressed, mom didn't like the sound of the shower or the running water. We started giving her sponge baths while she sat on the bedside commode with the bucket off for access down under ;-). I could use a Peri bottle to rinse her bottom areas. This worked for us for a couple of years. We did her hair in the kitchen sink using a contraption called a hair funnel and a sprayer. She could no longer handle to confusion of the salon.
Now we give her bed baths twice a week with the assistance of a hospice CNA. She gets her hair washed in bed too once a week.
Bathing has been a challenging time for my mom for over five years. Hang in there and just keep looking for little ways to make it easier on your LO. I think showing/bathing is scary for them.
Sometimes it's depression. People with depression are often resistant to bathing or showering, and many aspects of aging can bring on depression, or a depressed state.
My mom has had chronic depression her whole life. Home support are VERY good at gently badgering her into the shower once a week - much better than me (I never got her into the shower, not even once). They give her help washing and drying also, and get her dressed after. She looks forward to her Wednesday morning shower now, and feels better for it. It's worth the expense just for that.
Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I am encouraged by all those on this site. I can't even tell you how much you help me ( or how many times!). I will take all the advice given & see which works for my dad. Thank you all!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I find I want to shower less than I used to. Why? I have no idea.
There are several youtube videos about helping someone shower.
Wasn't a huge problem, until he and MIL divorced and he retired and had a knee replacement--moved to condo with a shower, and he wouldn't get in it. He'd go weeks without showering, I know, b/c I was cleaning for him and that shower was dry, and the soap? Unused.
Weirdly, he owned a hot tub, so I guess he cleaned off sometimes.
As he grew older and sicker, he was much less likely to be coerced into the shower. I got him safety rails and a comfortable shower chair. As he was often bowel incontinent, he really didn't have the option to say "no" to bathing/showering. I know he was afraid of falling, so sometimes I'd haul DH out to make sure his dad actually stripped down and scrubbed himself. Embarrassing for both of them, I know, but dad needed to be clean--his ability to fight infections was nil.
I gave up, eventually, and got the big pre-moistened bathing wipes and gave those to him with a basin of hot water and we'd "hobo-bathe" him. I'd get him all over, and let him clean his privates himself. I insisted on clean clothes from the skin out every other day. He finally learned it was pointless to fight me--and gave in. I know he felt better when he was clean.
My mother has said that daily showering is exhausting--and she has no room in her bathroom for a second person to help her. Her attitudes about personal hygiene have really taken a downturn in the last year. She's always "tidy" but not necessarily "clean".
I took that as a no.
My aunt enjoys hers too but they both had always enjoyed bathing. They were both gardeners and not afraid of hard work. I think they saw it as a reward. Aunt resists every now and then for just a minute. They both had/have a good routine. I think that helps also.
As the disease progressed, mom didn't like the sound of the shower or the running water. We started giving her sponge baths while she sat on the bedside commode with the bucket off for access down under ;-). I could use a Peri bottle to rinse her bottom areas. This worked for us for a couple of years. We did her hair in the kitchen sink using a contraption called a hair funnel and a sprayer. She could no longer handle to confusion of the salon.
Now we give her bed baths twice a week with the assistance of a hospice CNA. She gets her hair washed in bed too once a week.
Bathing has been a challenging time for my mom for over five years. Hang in there and just keep looking for little ways to make it easier on your LO. I think showing/bathing is scary for them.
My mom has had chronic depression her whole life. Home support are VERY good at gently badgering her into the shower once a week - much better than me (I never got her into the shower, not even once). They give her help washing and drying also, and get her dressed after. She looks forward to her Wednesday morning shower now, and feels better for it. It's worth the expense just for that.
I'm sorry to hear about this challenge. I know you only want your dad to be clean and comfortable.
When my father started to refuse, it was because of his vascular dementia and heart failure.
Midkid made many good suggestions.
I know its not easy but hopefully for now you can improvise and use giant wipes or a sponge bath.