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I initially went to his doctor after an unhinged rage, with destruction of property. We purchased storage, porch furniture, to keep it neat and tidy, while keeping memorabilia (for husband).
I made cushions and an outdoor area rug.
He started screaming, "all you do is nag, and he picked up an old kids desk, rammed it through the screen door and smashed in on the driveway.
Our 26 year old son, still at home, jacked him against the wall and said: "don't you ever scare mom like that again... YOU HEAR ME?"
He sulked like a 2 year old, all day.
That is when a Jamaican female doctor listened to me and confirmed," Jamaican men are misogynist and narcissist," I just thought it was an "elderly" rage over moving things.
They must have said something to him, because he started watching tv in the unfinished basement, after a "follow-up" appointment.
Now I am blocked, from speaking to them at all, and the list of behaviors is growing. (Go read my profile rant)
He has nobody down for a "contact."
I told them, if we can't speak to you, then do not call me, if something dire occurs...it works both ways.
Our son is witness to all of this, and I am trying to handle this in the least dramatic way, while the doctor is interested in just absolving himself altogether.
Our home is paid off. He cannot "buy me out" because he has been supporting his deported, brother and purchased him a new pick up truck.
Every attorney told me: "you will have to move out."
WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE WOMAN that has to leave? My credit got us a loan...his credit was below 300, and he LIED about that too.


PS: I am NOT trying to be his POA. Just trying to address his behavior.
I actually would never accept that job. I did it for an abusive, narcissistic mother, and I am NEVER doing that thankles job, ever again.
Let him choose his hateful sister who has loathed me, from day one.

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The reason YOU have to leave the home is that you both own it equally and he will not.
I am glad and relieved to hear you will not serve as his POA. But I DO hope that you will leave him with your son's assistance and that you will get your own small space and start legal separation or divorce proceedings. Take GREAT CARE that, if your name is on his accounts, you do a division of money in account before leaving as he will likely freeze them immediately and move them, deny he has them once you leave.
This isn't really a story for the elder forum. I doubt very much he has mental deficits. He is simply an abusive man, and it has little to do with his being Jamacian--it is simply him. I doubt seriously that this is the first you know about his tendencies.
I wish you the best of luck. I am glad you have your son's support. Please make your own decision in your own mind, then speak privately to your son. Then make your move. Good luck.
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KristineB Apr 2021
Thank you for responding.
The police are charmed by this 'narcissist" so calling them is useless.
I do not want him to claim "exclusive possession" if I move out.
So far, no attorney will take this case, and women almost seems to think he is the victim.
"Those are very wild accusations," is what one female divorce attorney stated.
I have financial ZERO accounts with him.
I learned early, he pays nothing on time,
No rules, does not abide by "norms".
Thanks to everyone who re-enforced leaving.
I researched alnd learned, the husbands life gets 15% better, and the wife's is 45% worse...go figure.
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The first thing you do the next time he threatens you or is abusive in any way is..Call 911 or whatever the emergency number is in your area.
You make it perfectly clear that you are afraid for your safety. Once he is out of the house I would file a restraining order (although a piece of paper is not much protection)
Not that I want to be sexist but have any of the lawyers you have talked to been women? If there is a shelter for women in your area contact them and ask if there is a lawyer they would recommend.
No matter what...Keep yourself safe
Staying in a house, keeping items will mean nothing if you are severely injured or killed.
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KristineB Apr 2021
The police are idiots in my town.
They came before and he ended up getting them to believe I "tried to kill him, by bumping into his shoulder!"
I had just had spinal fusion and my spinal cord was cut.
My son told the police it was ridiculous and she has "drop foot."

I was told to file a restraining order but because he "was not physical", it most likely won't stick.
The frustration alone is wearing me out.
I called 5 Domestic Abuse lines, and all I got was a mouthful of "that must be awful...I'm so sorry."

10 rejections by attorneys..."I do not want to get involved in that."
Its an ongoing nightmare.

Thank you for boosting me up by acknowledging he's an idiot.
My son is a witness and my POA and Social Services still has not come to see me or talk to him. I called back and asked why......do you see why I am so angry?
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The attorneys are right. You have to move out. NOW! Do not stay another moment with this sad excuse for a man.

File for a divorce ASAP. The house can be sold for you to get your half. If he has been giving money away, this will probably come up in the financial discovery, etc. Seriously, that's the least of your worries. Make a plan and GO!!! I would NOT put up with this nonsense. Not for a minute.

Your new situation may not be perfect but you will be safe and free from his behavior. That seems to be worth it's weight in gold to me.
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KristineB Apr 2021
Why do you think his doctor won't get involved?
I am having trouble finding a one floor apartment due to my "foot drop."
I am not making excuses.
Paying a lawyer, and paying to move out is going to eat up a lot of money.
I have been looking every day, for hours.
I am on a few "waiting lists," right now.
I want to take what I own, because he will ruin it out of vindictiveness.
Thank you for your input.
I am grateful to be validated during this tumultuous time.
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