My wife is good at faking normalcy. I assume she is in mid stage Alzheimer’s. The doctors haven’t given us more information than this. She can’t operate the microwave or even turn the TV on without help. I do all of the cooking, cleaning, doc appointments etc. while running a business from home. Due to Covid, I have no help. I installed a One touch bidet she won’t use. I got toss away underwear. She hides the dirty ones.
She has no interest in doing anything. She never has had a hobby or any interest in anything special. She will swim everyday. I’m thankful for that because she doesn’t seem to like showering anymore. She is driving me crazy. I just had outpatient surgery on my knee and still have to pick up after her. I have always been a strong person but now I am overwhelmed. I don’t love her but have stayed in this marriage out of responsibility. She is the same selfish person she has always been. Her Alzheimer’s is killing me!
So, knowing that she hides her depends, you might want to stay on top of that a little bit better. You don't want dirty ones left who knows where around the house. Not good.
You should get some help, for her and/or you. Someone to drive her to doctor's appointments (unless you have to go in with her because of her ALZ?). Someone to do some cooking and cleaning for you. You have too much on your plate and need another pair of hands around there. You may be strong but this is much more than most can deal with.
Since she does not use the bidet (might be confusing for her just like the TV and microwave) you need to be sure she is cleaning properly. So you may have to step in here a bit more. (I know...Sigh...)
Place a large "hamper" lines with plastic bag in the bathroom for the disposable underwear. She may toss it there if she thinks it is washable. But this is going to be a case where you get her on a bathroom schedule so you can be there when she uses the bathroom.
Have you talked to her doctor about the possibility of depression? If some of the apathy is due to depression that can be treated.
I hate to toss another thing at you but if she is swimming at home PLEASE watch her. You never know with dementia she could get confused about where she is and what to do.
You also need help, even with COVID a caregiver can take precautions and safely care for your wife while you get out a few hours a few times a week.
And if this gets to be more than you can handle placing her in a Memory Care facility is not "giving up" it is a way to get her the care she needs with her safety in mind. (And your safety..mental, physical and emotional safety!)