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No contact..kids say his dementia worse. He will not let kids help him with finances or daily living. One of the kids found out he's way behind in his rent and I'm fairly sure based on past experience that he's in debt way beyond that. I'm worried if he goes under and is not mentally competent to resolve it that his creditors will expect me to pay. I'm 72 with one heart attack still trying to work and take care of myself and am so afraid of what might happen.

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Sounds like you need to talk with a lawyer.
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Do you have any jointly held assets or obligations?    I'm assuming you don't files taxes jointly, is that right?
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krikit Sep 2019
Yes taxes are filed separately...we've lived totally apart financially and physically for 25 years. The home and property was given to me by my parents..his name was never on the deed..however, we were married at the time the property was given to me. I know I need to consult a lawyer but don't have any extra funds for that.
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If you were in Canada, you would only be responsible for 1/2 your husbands debt at the date of separation. Any debt he accrued after separation would be his alone.

If you liked in the house as a family it could be considered a family asset, but again the valuation would be at the time of separation not today.
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DrBenshir Sep 2019
Wrong. In Quebec you can be held responsible for 50% of debt until the date of divorce.
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Is there a reason why you never got divorced, religious or something? Did you get a Legal Separation? At the very least, I would get an immediate Legal Separation, and hope that it does give you some financial protection from your ex's debts.
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Inherited assets are not community property.

That you have 25 years of separate tax returns with different addresses shows that you were not together.

Can you call around and find attorneys that offer free consultations and go talk to them? You can go to www.nelf.org to find certified elder law attorneys in your area.

I would not stress about being responsible for his debt. You don't have to pay, even if they try to collect you tell them you haven't been together for 25 years and you are not responsible. I would do a form letter that states you have not been together and you are not responsible for his bills and you will not be speaking with them about his debt and you will consider any further contact as harrassment. Then send that letter as a follow up to the call. Send the letter certified mail so you have proof that it was received. Be sure and get the full name of the individual you are speaking with and a company phone number, then call the company and get a name and address for an executive that will receive the letter.

Please try to not get stressed out about this. It will be okay. They may never contact you, how would they have your number? Tell everyone not to mention your name and not to give out your information. Don't get involved with him or his care, you are separated and it needs to stay that way.

I wouldn't change anything about the status of the separation, it puts you on the radar and that is the last thing you want. As far as you know after a certain amount of time you are legally separated, no filings required. A legal separation at this point would only prevent them from coming after you from the date of the separation, right now you haven't been involved for 25 years, please don't change that.
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disgustedtoo Sep 2019
While it is still best not to give out any information, do be aware that there are ways they can find you. It is sometimes called skip tracing, for people who have criminal issues, BUT collections WILL use that too. My former DIL was never on my deed or accounts. Because they lived with me for some time before and after losing their house, I did get at least one call regarding a medical bill after they split. I told them she isn't related to me, doesn't live with me and I have no idea where she is. I was one of the lucky ones who didn't get on the harassment train!

Try looking yourself up online. Often the results will list "associates", aka family members, people who lived with you, etc. Some even list age (and this is the FREE information - if they pay, they get a lot more info. The info is NOT based on any criminal activity, it is one of the down sides to the internet.) It isn't hard for creditors/collections to find anyone who is a past associate. I am NOT saying she would be responsible, just be aware that they might find you and ask for payment. Having legal backup will be a must. There are some attorneys out there who will help for little or no cost, based on income, it just might take some effort to find them.

Although it would be good to have a letter prepared, it might be better to have it sent (or have it drafted by/sent) from an attorney.
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As far as I know, if your name is on anything yes. If not no. Doesn't matter if you are together of not. Co signers are responsible for someone else's debt. If you see to it to make sure your name is not on anything, including bank accounts, you are free & clear. My husband pulled some shady things, buying a trailer home, without my name on it. When he landed in a medical building & he wasn't around to pay the bills, they came after me. The were breaking the law, because they would tell me nothing, because my name wasn't on the deed, but expected me to pay. No name, no responsibility. If your name is on anything, you are responsible, so be sure to check on that to be safe.
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disgustedtoo Sep 2019
Absolutely ensure your name is NOT on anything. Going online to get your free credit reports from all three agencies might be a good idea, just to be sure there isn't still something out there with joint ownership.

While you can stand your ground, it won't stop them from trying. Legal help might be needed if they harass. Creditors might not, but they sell debt to collectors and many of them have no qualms or conscience about harassing you! I still suggest OP find an attorney who can help, either pro bono or sliding scale based on income. A letter from an attorney can be more helpful than just saying no.
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I would certainly get a consultation with an attorney. Laws vary from state to state.

You could try Avvo.com, post a question there and see what response you may receive. Maybe you can even specify what state you need information for.
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Call your County Office of Aging and ask for a number for Legal Services.

When my cousin's husband got them in debt. At the time she filed for divorce, she was told to put an notice in the paper that she was no longer responsible for the debts of her husband from that day forward. Did u do that?

I agree, that by filing separately and also not living in the same home that you pretty much divorced yourself from any responsibility towards your husband. As long as creditors have no idea how to contact you, how could they, And if husband was the only signatory, how could u be held responsible. When my SILs father died he had a credit card in his name only. Her parents were married and living together. There was only $500 on the card but SIL was told her Mom was not responsible for the debt. They had no assets other than SS and pension.

If you are on good terms with the kids, ask them not to give your info out to anyone. They can always give you the info and you can chose to call or not. He is not your responsibility so please don't get involved in any way.

If a creditor does get your number, tell them you are not responsible for the debt and to not call you again. If they call again, tell them ur reporting them to the FTC for harassment or tell a fib and say ur lawyer will be in touch. Collection agencies are under more guidelines by the FTC then I was as a collector for my company trying to get payments out of our customers. One good thing about cell phones, you can easily block numbers.

One good thing about still being married, when he passes you may get more SS.
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Clou1313 Sep 2019
Hi.. it doesnt matter divorce or married, she's only entitled after 10yrs of marriage..
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Your questions are serious enough that it is well worth an hour of Lawyer time in the state you live in the find the answers. Just to be very safe.
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Have you looked at your credit report lately? That's the best way to see what debts may be showing up in your name. You're entitled to one free report per year from each of the three major credit reporting agencies.

If you are in the US, go directly to https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0155-free-credit-reports for information and a link to the truly free credit report service. Read the entire page, including the FAQs, before ordering your report(s). There are many pretenders out there, and some ask for a credit card before ordering, so it's best to use the link from the FTC page.

Once you know what's hanging out there in your name, you'll get a better idea of how to proceed. Good luck.
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Good advice given so far, because the answer varies state to state and it is a serious legal question. In Maryland where we live, the answer is YES. One of the first thing our lawyer did was to advise me to pay off the debt asap to bring his assets down to be eligible for Medicaid which has an 8-10 yr wait. (Min wait is 5 yrs.). But once the debt is paid off, your assets are still his because you are not divorced. Seek legal help now.
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Ok, I am alarmed. I would most certainly (and right away) find someone in family law for the state that you live in. Especially if you are in the community property states of Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. I would definitely not depend on creditors not being able to find you (they will). Also this is a "legal" question and not a "what is fair" question so it doesn't matter what seems "fair". Do it now.
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If ANY in your NAME with HIS, Yes, Of clurse. Anything Else, Don't Fret. He is on his own from Home....
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Depends where you live and that State's laws. that's why I got a prenuptial agreement before I married, and I got that from a very reputable, well established family-law attorney and it was not cheap. If you are trying to get him on Medicaid you may have to divorce him due to household income issues.

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/debt-marriage-owe-spouse-debts-29572.html
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gladimhere Sep 2019
CE, in my state, laws do vary between states, Medicaid does not consider or recognize prenuptial agreements. Everything is still considered community property, there is spend down until 120k remains for the community spouse, the one remaining in the community. Family law attorneys are not well versed in Medicaid law.

For example
https://info.legalzoom.com/medicaid-rules-governing-divorce-27417.html

New York, on the other hand
https://www.elderlawanswers.com/will-a-prenuptial-agreement-protect-a-spouses-assets-from-medicaid-16112

In Florida spousal refusal is part of the laws governing Medicaid

https://www.elderneedslaw.com/articles/spousal-refusal-just-say-no-medicaid-florida

My mom and hubby entered into a prenup to protect assets and keep for their children. They consulted a family law lawyer unfamiliar with Medicaid law. It never came to one having to pay for the other, but this portion of Medicaid is often misunderstood.

https://www.ltcshop.com/2019/04/30/prenuptial-agreement-long-term-care-planning/

For myself, I will not marry again, maybe a joining ceremony.
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There are lawyers that do free legal work for people that can not afford it. Not sure where to find a list.
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You will have problems. I have been divorced for 15 years and my X has moved 4 times: this shows up on my credit report even though he has remarried twice. I am remarried for 13 years, have a different last name, and it still is there. I have been fighting this for years. If you are not divorced, have no legal documents that will protect you from his creditors, assume you are going to be in trouble legally and financially and take all steps to protect yourself NOW.
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Clou1313 Sep 2019
Well, that makes no logical sense,legally or otherwise.
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The only way to have this happen is if you have joint debts (credit cards in both your names) and you have joint assets together such as stock or real estate.

Many counties in the US have family law self-help departments & offer free advice on the law for your jurisdiction.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
This may or may not be true in her respective state. This lady needs a lawyer to protect herself.
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You should talk with a family lawyer now. You should have all the records/documents to show you are not together. Truth is you will have issues from his creditors because they will find you. Legally protect yourself. I am thinking you do not plan on “ helping him with medicaid or medical care nor care about what he cannafford or not”. You want nothing to do with him. You will need to show you have no ties ie - he can become Ward of State. Get with a lawyer now and there are free consults out there with good lawyers.
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My parents separated but never divorced. My mother passed first.
When he passed, their house became property of the State of New York unless I paid off his debts. I paid.
True story.
Please check if you own anything jointly and get legal advise.
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I suggest you contact your local Area Agency on Aging, which has offices all over the country. In my area in California, one can sign up for a free legal consultation. You can find your local organization by Googling "Area Agency on Aging." There are also many senior centers that can assist with information. I know that cities with Legal Aid can also give seniors free services. It may depend on income to qualify for Legal Aid; I'm not sure of that. Good luck to you.
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Mary9999 Sep 2019
I want to add that here in California (in the larger counties) there is a legal referral service through the County's Lawyer Referral Service. One can pay about $40 (not sure of the cost) to spend 1/2 hour with an attorney (one who specializes in your area of concern), then decide if she/he needs to be retained. There's no obligation to do so. Attorneys volunteer for this low-cost service because they hope to get new business. In a half hour, you can cover quite a lot of ground. I've used this service a few times, got my questions answered, and did not have to retain anyone. I was quite happy with the service. Perhaps you could find this referral service in your area. You can Google Lawyer Referral Service to find it.
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I'd hurry up and get legal advice and a divorce. If he's always in debt it's likely he's behind on his taxes--the IRS could lien your house and you'd have to go through hell to get the lien removed.

My uncle cheated on his taxes, couldn't pay up and the IRS liened the house she inherited from her dad. He'd forced her to sign tax returns without looking at them so she had no idea what he'd been up to financially. It took her ten years to get the lien removed under the innocent spouse rule.
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Do you and your husband own anything jointly at this point?? I would suggest that you contact an attorney regarding your situation. The Area Agency on Aging may or may not be helpful. An attorney familiar with estate planning as well as your state's Medicaid law is your best bet.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
Good answer. An estate lawyer or elder lawyer is the one with the answers. Costs about $250.00 to $300.00 for a good hour of legal advice and they have the answers.
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Hi... I'm in the same boat! If that helps? I left him 6yrs. Ago. I file separate, I have dismissed him completely. After we're split, he lost our home, owes TAXES, ruined OUR credit.
Fast Forward 5yrs--
My cr score is 700. I just bought a mobilehome. He's still homeless.
I worry too! I was excused from tax bill. He has a cc he got. $25k owed, they have never contacted me.! I'm way to find. I'm 61.
I believe at 72, I wouldn't worry!
Evenif they came after you, let's say..you have nothing. The only thing you & I need to think about is a lien slapped on property... how that should happen is beyond me?

I think your kids are responsible in a sense, medically to help him, guide him, etc.
Its a shame we all need to worry so badly in our golden years, huh?
Btw---
You can file, Fl300 form, send it to him, he wont sign it,( surely), & you will have a defaulted divorce in 60days..

Takecare
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elaineSC Sep 2019
If you don’t mind me asking, why put yourself in that situation when you could get a divorce in one year of separation?
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Divorce is in order too. However, if he is demented, he may not be able to provide consent. I think that some states allow you to file a document declaring that you are not responsible for any debts incurred by him.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
A good lawyer can get a divorce for her or at least file since she can prove they have been separated for this long.
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Yes yes yes.
My friend has been responsible for her "separated husband" and legally she has had to pay off all debts he incurred. He even took out charge cards in her name and while she could prove she didn't apply for them, she still had to pay them off.

My friend is now finally following through with her divorce and you should too. It will be more difficult now that he has dementia. You need an attorney.
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As long as you’ve haven’t co-signed anything or filed taxes together, you’re not responsible. The IRS tried to get to pay my deceased husband’s taxes but because I hadn’t filed that year with him, I didn’t have to pay anything. Also, when my father died, he had one credit card that they tried to get my mother to pay but couldn’t since she did co-sign it. She would have paid but he left nothing to pay it with and she didn’t work.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
This all varies from state to state. This person needs to spend about $250.00 for an hour of good legal advice from a lawyer. When she walks away, she will know what she is really responsible for.
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As some have suggested, it would be best for you to get some legal advice before it might be needed. Many attorneys will give you a free consult, but you also need help to find the right kind of attorney. Like doctors, many specialize in one aspect of the field. For instance, there are Elder Care attorneys who deal with helping set up EOL, Medicaid, etc issues, some who deal in accidents, and others who only do real estate transactions. There are so many and all of different capability. Not knowing what state you live in, we can't provide pointers to anyone/thing specific. The following link can be of help for you to ask questions and see if you qualify for free or sliding scale assistance:

https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal_services/flh-home/flh-free-legal-help/

As I posted in response to others, I wouldn't really ignore this. It may never come to fruition, but having someone already standing in the wings for legal advice would be advisable. If you have to pay anything for the legal help, it would only be if services were needed. If you never hear anything, great.

If nothing else, collections (creditors sell their debt to them) can be ruthless AND kind find ANYONE who has known association, past and present. You may never hear from any of them, but it would be best to get set up just in case. You should NOT have to pay for any of his debt, but having an attorney will give you more clout in stopping any nonsense.
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I never could quite understand why people don’t legally divorce after a separation of that long unless it is for religious reasons or something like that but it sure causes major problems for one of them on down the road. The best advice I have seen on here is to go see a lawyer ASAP. You are getting information just in bits and pieces and some may not even apply to your state. Don’t waste another day. Go get advice from the one person who has the answers....... a lawyer.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
Addendum....it only costs about $200 to $300.00 to get an hour of solid information. I know because that is what I paid to get advice for one hour from an elder law attorney when my mother had to go to a nursing facility. Best thing I ever did for myself!
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Our state has a Governor’s Council On Aging office whereby you get referrals and advice on where to go and what to do. Check your state’s offices for seniors in need of legal advice if you cannot afford to pay for an hour of good solid legal advice. It will be well worth it.
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You know, Divorces are not cheap. If you are living pay to pay, even $250 for a lawyer is not doable. Plus, I think as time goes on you probably don't even think about it.
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