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No contact..kids say his dementia worse. He will not let kids help him with finances or daily living. One of the kids found out he's way behind in his rent and I'm fairly sure based on past experience that he's in debt way beyond that. I'm worried if he goes under and is not mentally competent to resolve it that his creditors will expect me to pay. I'm 72 with one heart attack still trying to work and take care of myself and am so afraid of what might happen.

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The wisest thing to do is to consult an attorney in the specific state/jurisdiction where you live. Area Council on Aging should be able to give you some advice on finding help. Family law? Elder law? They should know the kind of attorney you should see and may be able to help you find legal aid at a reasonable cost.

You might or might not have a problem here with husband's debts - you really need to know where you stand and what if anything you need to do to protect yourself. And knowing where you stand can give you clout if you have to deal with collection agencies later on. Ignorance could really cost you.
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You'll only be held responsible if your name is on any accounts. But you may want to retain an elder law attorney.
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I think it has already been said. Unless your name is on the account in some way, you are not responsible for the debt. Even if you are still married. When my wife died, I notified some of her debt holders of her death and offered to send a copy of the death certificate. But if there are any questions, I would see a lawyer in your state about the matter. And I would also get the divorce done before he dies. That would free you from any responsibility.
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If you hold anything at all jointly, such as bank accounts, mortgage, or credit cards, then yes, you would be legally responsible for any debts he incurred on those joint items.

Why on earth have you not gotten legally divorced if you have been separated for 25 years?
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You need to see an atty asap to find out your rights and obligations. I assume you have lived in separate residences for the past 25 yrs. If you share credit cards and both your names are on accounts, yes you as his legal widow would be responsible. However, get an atty. as soon as you can in order to protect yourself.
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Asking us this type of question will get you maybe some right answers and also wrong answers. The right answer is to call a lawyer, spend a half hour with him/her and ask the same question.
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I can tell you that I handled (handle) my stepmother and father's financial affairs after she died, in IL. He was only responsible for debts where he was a co-signor. If a credit card or car or whatever was only in her name, he was not responsible. It may depend on if you are in a "community property" state, in which case I understand you would be held accountable. Where do you live? I agree, get a lawyer asap.
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My husband and I have been legally separated in New York State since 2000. Due to our particular circumstances, my attorney advised me that it would be more economically feasible to pursue a legal separation that absolves me of all financial responsibility for my husband's actions and also relinquishes his claims to any spousal rights pertaining to any of my finances, e.g., pensions, 401Ks, investments, annuities, savings/checking accounts, property, etc. The attorney also indicated that after a separation agreement period of one year, there would be no question in the court's judgment whether or not to grant the divorce.

I paid for the legal separation; however, as the agreement covered all of the concerns I had and because I did not foresee the likelihood of remarriage at any time in my immediate future, I did not pursue the final divorce as that cost would have fallen to me as well. My husband has not remarried either. Therefore, to my way of thinking, if he wants the divorce, he can pay for it. If I should choose to remarry, then I will reconsider my position.

As others here are advising, I agree that you must see a lawyer ASAP in YOUR state to determine how best to protect your interests. I wish you well.
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My father was in a nursing home and died. Sister was only paying a little a month on his bills. Lawyer came after me. I think they can come after you because you are still legally married. You need a divorce asap or you could be contacted as next of kin to pay up. You could be responsible if he is found in a neglected physical state too.
I wouldnt sit around waiting for someone out of the blue to present you with a bill. It might be a lot harder now if he is incompetent. Do you think he would sign divorce papers if sent to him? I dont know, but you say he is neglecting other bills. I wouldnt wait to see what happens. Good luck
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You need to ask an atty in your state. Basically you are the next of kin who would have to make decisions for medical and funeral. May very well be held responsible for debt. Attorney now.
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Marriage is a financial contract. I have read here that most people advise getting a divorce now. FYI - I have a family member who was able to file all the divorce papers herself, but I think it still cost some money. Even so, a divorce now may not solve everything - all depending on current laws in your state(s). I know a woman who was sued (in the 1980's) by owners of a house that she and her ex husband sold 15 years earlier - around the time of their divorce. The law suit was over the placement of the well, which unknowingly was actually located on somebody else's property. They couldn't find the out-of-state ex-husband, so they went after her. There are no guarantees - but I would definitely get legal advice. People have suggested sources for free legal advice, which is a good place to start.
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disgustedtoo Sep 2019
Wow, that's just so wrong. Never mind the time lapse, but everything should have been discovered by their attorney and/or the loan company doing deed checking. Often when something is not on one's own property, there are easements (sometimes land ownership/changes can result in this - some properties I checked out had easements for access, as the property was not accessible to the road without this!) Buyers should not be allowed to look back to the sellers after that amount of time! Plus, why did it suddenly become an issue - were they selling and the buyer's lawyer/bank discovered this???
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You really need to consult with a lawyer in your state. Please contact your Area Agency on Aging (AAA) and see if they can recommend a lawyer that will discuss you situation for free. There are free legal clinics where attorneys donate time to provide legal services to low income seniors and many attorneys will provide an hour or so consultation free with legal fees only needed if you hire him to take some action.

Laws differ greatly between states. I have some understanding of the TN laws acquired while handling/settling my parents affairs. Dad had vascular dementia and made some poor financial decisions while married and prior to being declared incompetent. Here in TN, property you inherited from your family, even after a marriage, is yours alone. In order for your husband to have any claim, he (or in this case his creditors) would need to prove he invested significant resources (labor and/or money) in improving the property. I assume you have been living in your inherited property at least since the separation so there should not be much of a claim or risk to keeping that property if your lived in TN.

In TN, debts can be separated between individuals even for married couples: there is his debt, her debt, and our debt. Unsecured debt, like credit cards or signature loans, are his responsibility alone provided you did not also sign the loan documents. Secured debt, like a car loan, are his responsibility too. His personal debts, like back rent, are his responsibility here in TN too. Fortunately a lot of my parents remaining resources were in real estate titled as joints tenants in the entirety and my mother never signed any loan documents so the proceeds from selling that property was not subject to creditor claims for my father's unsecured debt. It was a little harder to keep non-titled assets clear from Dad's unsecured debts but most decided to settle when they realized Dad was in MC and I was using the using the guardianship court judge to get rulings favorable to my mother. I paid the bills for services (like a dentist) from available funds but didn't have any problems letting the credit card companies take their licks. Who loans an 80 year old man more than twice his annual income?

Your venerability here in TN would be limited to loans where you signed the loan documents and/or put up something for security.

Even if you are not legally responsible for the debt, creditors will try to collect from you. This is where having an attorney to direct them to contact can be a great help. As Dad's guardian, I ignored phone calls by setting my android phone to send all calls from any number not in my contacts to voice mail. When contacted by mail, I took the letters to the lawyer's office and let him respond. He charged $100 a letter but it was well worth it considering the credit card companies backed off from trying to collect thousands.
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Children are not responsible for their parents debts. If there are filial laws in their state, maybe the cost of their care but then I would think their ability to pay would be considered.
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disgustedtoo Sep 2019
This is the wife, not the children.
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From past experience (decades ago), I’d say YES, legally you are responsible for his debts! You MUST consult an attorney sooner rather than later & make the proper legal steps.
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You know, Divorces are not cheap. If you are living pay to pay, even $250 for a lawyer is not doable. Plus, I think as time goes on you probably don't even think about it.
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Our state has a Governor’s Council On Aging office whereby you get referrals and advice on where to go and what to do. Check your state’s offices for seniors in need of legal advice if you cannot afford to pay for an hour of good solid legal advice. It will be well worth it.
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I never could quite understand why people don’t legally divorce after a separation of that long unless it is for religious reasons or something like that but it sure causes major problems for one of them on down the road. The best advice I have seen on here is to go see a lawyer ASAP. You are getting information just in bits and pieces and some may not even apply to your state. Don’t waste another day. Go get advice from the one person who has the answers....... a lawyer.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
Addendum....it only costs about $200 to $300.00 to get an hour of solid information. I know because that is what I paid to get advice for one hour from an elder law attorney when my mother had to go to a nursing facility. Best thing I ever did for myself!
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As some have suggested, it would be best for you to get some legal advice before it might be needed. Many attorneys will give you a free consult, but you also need help to find the right kind of attorney. Like doctors, many specialize in one aspect of the field. For instance, there are Elder Care attorneys who deal with helping set up EOL, Medicaid, etc issues, some who deal in accidents, and others who only do real estate transactions. There are so many and all of different capability. Not knowing what state you live in, we can't provide pointers to anyone/thing specific. The following link can be of help for you to ask questions and see if you qualify for free or sliding scale assistance:

https://www.americanbar.org/groups/legal_services/flh-home/flh-free-legal-help/

As I posted in response to others, I wouldn't really ignore this. It may never come to fruition, but having someone already standing in the wings for legal advice would be advisable. If you have to pay anything for the legal help, it would only be if services were needed. If you never hear anything, great.

If nothing else, collections (creditors sell their debt to them) can be ruthless AND kind find ANYONE who has known association, past and present. You may never hear from any of them, but it would be best to get set up just in case. You should NOT have to pay for any of his debt, but having an attorney will give you more clout in stopping any nonsense.
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As long as you’ve haven’t co-signed anything or filed taxes together, you’re not responsible. The IRS tried to get to pay my deceased husband’s taxes but because I hadn’t filed that year with him, I didn’t have to pay anything. Also, when my father died, he had one credit card that they tried to get my mother to pay but couldn’t since she did co-sign it. She would have paid but he left nothing to pay it with and she didn’t work.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
This all varies from state to state. This person needs to spend about $250.00 for an hour of good legal advice from a lawyer. When she walks away, she will know what she is really responsible for.
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Yes yes yes.
My friend has been responsible for her "separated husband" and legally she has had to pay off all debts he incurred. He even took out charge cards in her name and while she could prove she didn't apply for them, she still had to pay them off.

My friend is now finally following through with her divorce and you should too. It will be more difficult now that he has dementia. You need an attorney.
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Divorce is in order too. However, if he is demented, he may not be able to provide consent. I think that some states allow you to file a document declaring that you are not responsible for any debts incurred by him.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
A good lawyer can get a divorce for her or at least file since she can prove they have been separated for this long.
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Hi... I'm in the same boat! If that helps? I left him 6yrs. Ago. I file separate, I have dismissed him completely. After we're split, he lost our home, owes TAXES, ruined OUR credit.
Fast Forward 5yrs--
My cr score is 700. I just bought a mobilehome. He's still homeless.
I worry too! I was excused from tax bill. He has a cc he got. $25k owed, they have never contacted me.! I'm way to find. I'm 61.
I believe at 72, I wouldn't worry!
Evenif they came after you, let's say..you have nothing. The only thing you & I need to think about is a lien slapped on property... how that should happen is beyond me?

I think your kids are responsible in a sense, medically to help him, guide him, etc.
Its a shame we all need to worry so badly in our golden years, huh?
Btw---
You can file, Fl300 form, send it to him, he wont sign it,( surely), & you will have a defaulted divorce in 60days..

Takecare
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elaineSC Sep 2019
If you don’t mind me asking, why put yourself in that situation when you could get a divorce in one year of separation?
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Do you and your husband own anything jointly at this point?? I would suggest that you contact an attorney regarding your situation. The Area Agency on Aging may or may not be helpful. An attorney familiar with estate planning as well as your state's Medicaid law is your best bet.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
Good answer. An estate lawyer or elder lawyer is the one with the answers. Costs about $250.00 to $300.00 for a good hour of legal advice and they have the answers.
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I'd hurry up and get legal advice and a divorce. If he's always in debt it's likely he's behind on his taxes--the IRS could lien your house and you'd have to go through hell to get the lien removed.

My uncle cheated on his taxes, couldn't pay up and the IRS liened the house she inherited from her dad. He'd forced her to sign tax returns without looking at them so she had no idea what he'd been up to financially. It took her ten years to get the lien removed under the innocent spouse rule.
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I suggest you contact your local Area Agency on Aging, which has offices all over the country. In my area in California, one can sign up for a free legal consultation. You can find your local organization by Googling "Area Agency on Aging." There are also many senior centers that can assist with information. I know that cities with Legal Aid can also give seniors free services. It may depend on income to qualify for Legal Aid; I'm not sure of that. Good luck to you.
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Mary9999 Sep 2019
I want to add that here in California (in the larger counties) there is a legal referral service through the County's Lawyer Referral Service. One can pay about $40 (not sure of the cost) to spend 1/2 hour with an attorney (one who specializes in your area of concern), then decide if she/he needs to be retained. There's no obligation to do so. Attorneys volunteer for this low-cost service because they hope to get new business. In a half hour, you can cover quite a lot of ground. I've used this service a few times, got my questions answered, and did not have to retain anyone. I was quite happy with the service. Perhaps you could find this referral service in your area. You can Google Lawyer Referral Service to find it.
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My parents separated but never divorced. My mother passed first.
When he passed, their house became property of the State of New York unless I paid off his debts. I paid.
True story.
Please check if you own anything jointly and get legal advise.
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You should talk with a family lawyer now. You should have all the records/documents to show you are not together. Truth is you will have issues from his creditors because they will find you. Legally protect yourself. I am thinking you do not plan on “ helping him with medicaid or medical care nor care about what he cannafford or not”. You want nothing to do with him. You will need to show you have no ties ie - he can become Ward of State. Get with a lawyer now and there are free consults out there with good lawyers.
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The only way to have this happen is if you have joint debts (credit cards in both your names) and you have joint assets together such as stock or real estate.

Many counties in the US have family law self-help departments & offer free advice on the law for your jurisdiction.
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elaineSC Sep 2019
This may or may not be true in her respective state. This lady needs a lawyer to protect herself.
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You will have problems. I have been divorced for 15 years and my X has moved 4 times: this shows up on my credit report even though he has remarried twice. I am remarried for 13 years, have a different last name, and it still is there. I have been fighting this for years. If you are not divorced, have no legal documents that will protect you from his creditors, assume you are going to be in trouble legally and financially and take all steps to protect yourself NOW.
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Clou1313 Sep 2019
Well, that makes no logical sense,legally or otherwise.
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There are lawyers that do free legal work for people that can not afford it. Not sure where to find a list.
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