I know this is terrible but will it ever end?

I have no answers. I just want to offer you a hug.

I know you're tired. It sounds like your husband is quite the fighter. It is hard watching them having to fight one more battle. I can imagine that you are ready for some relief. Did his doctor let you know anything about his prognosis? Will the feeding tube always be needed, or is it a temporary thing?

How you are feeling is so normal. We feel guilty thinking it, so many times people don't admit it. But I know many people understand exactly how you feel. Big hugs of comfort coming your way. I know down the road there is light for you.

Yes it will end and there should be no shame in thinking/wishing all the pain would just stop. Have you spoken to a doctor for yourself? Sometimes meds are very helpful when treating depression. Do you have any help with your husband? If not would family be willing to give you a break so you could have sometime to yourself? I really hope you get some help, being a caregiver can be very hard and all-consuming. I wish you all the best to you and your husband.

Yes it will end, but try to remember every day is a gift. Find one happy moment each day and carry it with you. When he is gone, you collect all those happy moments and cling to them.

When this started( the cancer part) I went on a lot of boards the oral cancer forums. I learned a lot from them about what would happen with chemo and rad. And as bad as it was it all happened. And still is happening. But then I found this elder care board and people talked about how they felt and all the crap that was happening in their life. So I just stalked you guys (sorry) But you helped me so much! I did a FB thing with my daughters and sister and sister in law where I could go and vent! They have been great but they really don't understand. And I think they are tired of listening to me! I know I would be. can you suggest a tread on here where I can just talk ever now and then. yes bitch, cry, but say good things too.

You're in exactly the right place to bitch or cry or vent. You'll get lots of support and sympathy. And hugs. Here's another hug for you from one caregiver to another.

For Christmas my daughter did a wonderful thing for us. She had people send her statements of things they remembered about us. not together but about each of us. She copied all of them and put each in a enveloped one to be opened each day!!! 32 each has been fun! some have made me laugh, some made me cry, some was WTH I never knew that, those were from my kids friends.

someone ask about the tube? Well he tried to eat for a few days and he lost weight. So he went back on the tube! it is hard for him to get enough calories Because he is a nut will not eat anything with sugar, or fat, or salt! He is a vegetarian. And very health concerned. He can eat but it doesn't taste good ! so he wont eat it!!! so yes I think he will be on the tube for a very long time! I think his speech/ swallowing therapist has gave up!

But I do not feed him ever 3 hours now!!! she told him to use the tube 2 times a day and drink the other 3 cans!!! I love this woman

There are a few threads on here that might work for you. I'm not the best with technology and don't know how to search this site, but on-going threads show up from time to time on the right side of the page. There is one about "my whine moment" and some about wanting to run away from caregiving. You could start a new one about caring for a seriously ill spouse. As blannie said, this is the right place to vent. Even if our caregiving situation is quite different from yours, we all share many of the same worries and frustrations. Add my hug to the pile that you are collecting.

thank you and I have followed the Whine one. I also have a mother on NH in Chi with dementia. She has been there 11 years. My brother had her call me a few days ago she had no idea who I was and just keep telling me how she had 4 buildings and someone sold all of them. So yes I know the mom thing too.sad to say

Dear After, I have no answers, but I think this may turn into an epic thread. Thank goodness for the tube lady indeed. Sounds like she made a difference! Hugs!

I definitely sympathize with you. I am not in the same situation but my 93 year old mother drives me crazy!!! She keeps saying she wants to die. She is not sick but she is getting frail. Sometimes I wish she could just join my father who passed away six years ago. Then I feel guilty and ashamed. I can't say this to anyone. All her friends have died and she is all alone. She stays on her bed reading all day. Not interested in a senior center. Just goes on errands with me. My daughter works full time so has no time for my mother. My heart goes out to you. I can't imagine how hard it is. Sending you love and hugs . Please don't feel guilty. You are human.

I have gotten a lot of good insight on the forum and it has helped immensely. I now try to weigh in on some things that I feel I can help with. This forum is so important and you might find something here, even it is one statement to help you find yourself. There are a lot of caregivers out there and I know that my situation is better than a lot of them. So, you are at the right place. I sew a lot and that is where I go to get away, and sometimes, it's only in my mind. I find great solace in sewing because it is one thread at a time...a moment, a spec...but in the end, I have a quilt and know it was made, one stitch at a time. Like our lives...

I think we are glad that you were reading this site, before you came on board. Welcome! I have found this site to be very helpful, for venting, asking questions and just getting really good support from others. I'm glad I found it also.

It sounds like he may need lots of care. Are you doing it all yourself? I would imagine that's very tiring. Would you feel better if you got some help?

Is your husband on hospice? Despite his medical conditions is he still able to make decisions? I notice you say he chooses what he will and not eat. Is he conversational?

I've never been housebound with a gravely ill person before, so I can't fully understand, but I have stayed in the hospital with someone before for several days and it was very tiring. I'm sure you are worn out. I hope you keep in mind that there are brighter days ahead and you will see them. Take care and please let us know how you doing.

Thanks everyone, He doesn't need as much care now (last month or so) No he is not on hospice. Still very weak only weighs 135. Anyway my brother called me. Ask what our plans were for today! told him my big plan was to go get cat food!!!!! Guess he heard me wrong because then he is telling me the price of gas in Chicago!!! And his plans for tonight , he just doesn't get it. Oh well he does call and update me on Mom and its nice talking to him. Hope everyone has a Happy New Year!

I wish you all the best -- hopefully this new year will bring us all more love and compassion and above all the strength we need to continue in our caregiving modes. Happy new Year everyone! and blessings to all! Linda

Cmshul your grandma is 93 and can still read! that is great mine lived to 98 and sometimes I think she drove my mom crazy ( she was her main caretaker) Strange thing is she was so demanding and we all did everything she wanted but after she died our family just drifted apart. My mom started dementia before my GM died, but GM never could understand that she was sick. When mom first started the dementia it was thanking GM was trying to kill her!

cmshul, it sounds like you are your mother's sole companion. I know that it is hard. So many of our problems would be solved if our parents were more social. We could drop them off at their meetings and luncheons with friends. They would have a good time and it would give us a break from responsibilities.

I understand why it gets more difficult to leave the house. Spouse and friends are gone and there is so little for older people to do. There are the senior centers, but really I wonder if the people who go to these every day don't get bored with it. It would drive me crazy to play card for hours on end.

Wish I had more guts! I want out so bad

Is there a facility in your town where your husband could stay for a few days to give you a break? It sounds like he may not qualify for assisted living because of the feeding tube, but what about a skilled care facility? It sounds like you are stretched to the limit and a couple of days to get some good sleep and catch up on other things you need to do might help. Surely he can see how stressed and worn out you are and would agree to a little break for you.

i have a neigbhor a couple miles away whos 93 yr old dad screws a full bottle of wine into his feeding tube about once a week . good luck ever getting that image out of your head . the man was never a booze drinker either -- hes self medicating .

He would tell me he could take of himself! And at this point he prob could. He has been feeding himself most of the time I still do the 7pm one just easier for me to do it, But he does the 7am himself now. Cap that is some image!!! Well I will be working more and I thank that will help me, just being out of here.

Everyone has different thoughts about the kind of care they want. Your husband sounds like a fighter. Make sure his physician discusses all options that are available. It sounds like you can use some caregiver services such as support and respite. Contact your local area agency on aging or bureau of senior services for information, they will be able to discuss options and should have a support group. It's not terrible to have thoughts or feelings of doom, you are under a lot of stress. Talk to your physician about how you feel, you need to take care of yourself first or you won't be able to care for anyone else.

cmshul, I am in the same situation with my Mom 92 getting more frail, she states the same wish, and she is bedridden now and only leaves the house in a wheelchair when the van service takes her to doctor's appointments. I am her only caregiver and she does have a nurse come in for multiple health issues. Physical therapy keeps saying they can get her to stand or walk again for the last 7 months and that just isn't going to happen. These health concerns just make life all the harder because one remedy for one thing causes the next to get worse. I am very depressed some days, but take it one day at a time and any little thing that I can improve on, or just getting through another day, I consider a major accomplishment. Hugs to you.

Try to maintain your love for your spouse, your patience and your as sanity. My beloved mother just passed on June 28, 2014 and I so wish that I could have handled my caregiving responsibilities better. I am now living with so many regrets...pray, pray to God for the strength to see above the forest for the trees. I became so self centered that I just wish I could have been kinder to my wonderful deceased mother.

Stay centered.
Our

Will it end? Yes it will end and it will be a relief to you and to all that have cared for your loved one. My mom just died on Sunday after a long battle with Alz. I was there and watched her pass over. I am so glad she doesn't need to suffer any more. She was bad off for the past 8 years and was no longer able to eat, drink or blink her eyes. Alz. is a horrible disease that affects the entire family, from when they are first diagnosed and become paranoid (people stealing from them) to the moderate stage where they become, often, mean and angry, to the end stage where they can no longer do anything for themselves. So yes, it will end, and you will be sad and tired and relieved that it is finally over. Blessings to all, Linda

I agree with every thing iIndaz said But he dose not have Alz. He has Cancer and a lot of other health prob. and yes he is a fighter! getting better ever day! He will prob out live me! With me taking care of him! I'm tired, don't want him to die( yes I do) and feel so guilty! He controls my life ! when all he did was sleep and I feed him 7 times a day ( peg tube) and took care of the wounds and went to rad every day and chemo 2 times a week, and all the other Dr apt! I was fine! now he is getting better but cant stand the smell if I make a pork chop or a steak! God he was a vegatern ! cant smell meat!!! I loved making myself a dinner of my choose! think my thing was why is when he is getter better. I am getting worse OR so sad!

Ok so I don't cook meat in house( yes this pisses me off) and he dosent eat food so now I buy all my own food! f he doesn't eat it why should he pay for it? When I first went on here I did it under discussions might explain how I feel!