I know this is terrible but will it ever end?

He told me when I fried a steak that It make him sick to his stomach! the smell then he went to his swallowing therapy the next day and they told him he could not smell!!!! Control!!! I know but I haven't cooked any meat in-house scene thine

K to much wine and I am saying way too much!!! sorry

God will help you threw He did it for me

wow! thats a long time care giving... i think i'd have run away by now! I'm sure you are fed up of all the praising and glorifying and just wish you could breath again without that niggling feeling at the back of your mind that just never lets up... gotta feed, gotta wipe, gotta adjust, gotta change, gotta bath, gotta pay attention... constantly, gotta feed, gotta wipe, gotta adjust, gotta change, gotta bath, gotta pay attention... constantly, gotta feed, gotta wipe, gotta adjust, gotta change, gotta bath, gotta pay attention... constantly is this misery-go-round. Just start to 'not want to run from this', if you can just sit with a cup of tea and sit in 'acceptance', and take a few breaths and accept that you want it all to go... its allowed you know :) Its how i'm trying to, every single minute of every single day ... trying to accept that i need to accept!!

After, sometimes when people are losing control they try and grab onto whatever they can control - like whether or not you can cook meat in the house! And I think this is what is happening to you. He is trying his darndest to control you in whatever way he can. There are no right answers here only choices you can make. Turn the fan on when you cook, you pay for the food after all, so you can eat what you want. If he is a vegetarian, fine, but you don't have to be. Being a caregiver is stressful enough without someone telling you what you can or cannot eat. This is a personal choice. If the weather is ok where you are, go for a walk and give yourself some special me time - reading a book, whatever makes you happy, and remember boundries, just because he is sick doesn't mean that he makes all the rules, rmember to be gentle on yourself and give what you can but no more than that. You still have a right to your own life, without guilt. Blessings to you, Lindaz.

OK its taken me a while but I did go buy some meat and cooked it (once!!) He went to dr last week and they told him he has low blood platelets should go to hematologist . NOPE they just stick you! much has happened but today he was going to try to eat a bake potato. and he had a potato in his hand put it down and said don't we have any potatoes? I said you had one in your hand. He said OH I did??/ I"M scared

He actually went for a walk today! seems to be getting stronger. Still on tube but trying to eat some in the last two days. But worried about mind

That is a lot to deal with do you go to church I found strength in God with my pastor and friends of church find a faith build church can I ask where do you live I can help you find a church I am praying for you ♡

no I do not go to church, did many years ago and know a church family can be a lot of help. but when I needed that help it wasn't there. And do not have the belief anymore. Will not go to a church but thank you for the thoughts

He now has a cancer on his arm so more surgery! This poor man he was just getting a little stronger and now this. He is trying so. I just want to cry for him . when I was going to work today I had a tire low, so came home and took his car. When I got home tonight he had took my car to shop and fixed the tire. This is a guy who can barley walk!!!

came home tonight and went into my bed room all my sweats pants and shirts were clean and folded on my bed!!!!id you washed my sweats?? he sais yes if you wore them one more night I was going take you to the homeless shelter!!! love this guy

What a special guy you have there! (And make no mistake; YOU'RE special too.)

Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement.

afternormal - love the handle - did you mean too much whine or too much wine?

hope the surgery for the cancer on the arm is a minor one. he's a sweetheart at heart even if his memory is going.

just sending you a hug!

I think those thoughts come with burnout and depression. Depression of wanting our lives back how they were. I have those thoughts daily. Just wishing it would all end. I feel so ashamed at te same time. Guilt for having those thoughs yet guilt and resentment for not feeling I can be with my 5 kids as much. Feel like I'm losing at both ends. I know it will end but realistically it could be years. My kids will be grown. 😔

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way but at least now I have some insight as to why.

today he got his feeding tube out! But he is so tired and week from the biopsy on his arm last week. but the tube is out and he is eating.

vstefans it was the wine! and afternormal is the name of a book my daughter wrote. Its her memory's from after her brother died he was 9 she was 14