Will most of us end up like this?

Many people are living to very advanced age due to the medical offerings of our time, but it's not good living. 8 yrs ago, my then 83 yr old mother spent a month in the hospital, followed by a month in rehab due to internal bleeding caused by a newly identified autoimmune bleeding disorder. She had already been dealing with advanced kidney disease, heart failure, HBP, high cholesterol, severe arthritis & more. She went into extreme delirium (I witnessed her, a retired nurse, pulling out her IVs & then trying to bite the nurse that intervened - blood was all over the room) during this hospitalization following a procedure to place a kidney stent. After six weeks, she came out of the delirium, but in the meantime had developed a reoccuring infection, due to the kidney stent (which had to be removed). Her doctors (of which there are many) told my brothers & I that they thought it was unlikely she would make it through the year.

So, we went along with her demand to return to her condo, with part-time aides coming in. (She has long-term healthcare insurance & can easily pay for fulltime help but refuses.) We're now in year 9. She has had more hospitalizations & trips to rehab than I can count due to falls (including broken hip), infections, cardiac events, and last fall, a C-Diff infection after a procedure to drain an infected bursa. She can no longer stand. At all. We are on our 3rd home healthcare company. She is still making her own decisions & still insisting on remaining at home.

My younger brother, who helped as much as he could with her care long-distance & provided immeasurable moral support, died a few months ago at the age of 60 after bravely suffering 9 months with a cancer tsunami that came out of nowhere.

I think our 91 yr old mother is going to outlive us all. And now I'm Oldestchildof3.

Who Knows - what I do know is Most of My friends have Passed young mostly from cancer . 50 - 60 . Maybe that is a better way to go ? Alzheimers and Dementia seems to be on the rise . Some People swear by alternative remedies = Lions Mane Mushrooms , Yoga , meditation , exercise , a healthy diet such as a Mediterranean diet , eating organic , growing your own food, staying away from canned food and anything with hormones . We also Put chemicals on Our skin . No one really Knows the cause , at One Point heavy metals were to blame and Aluminum . Assisted suicide is becoming Popular . I think if you make it to 80 that is a good age and yet some people are Living to 90 - 102 . I Hope I Just drop dead of a heart attack . I dont want to be Lying around a Nursing Home waiting for someone to change My diaper or feed me .

The more I’m around my mother the more I think about this too. I hope they have something I can take if I ever end up this way.

I pretend to have an answer for EVERYTHING.
But I think you finally found the question I DON'T have an answer to.

Vote me in with the others saying they would rather be dead than living with this disease. You will be drain to your family because everyone around a person with dementia has to pick up the slack and have the patience of a saint to endure the repeat conversations.

Then when it is done, you leave them with misery of a memory. I wish we had a "eject" button.

I just do not know if someone wanted to push that button though, how do you manage the gap between when you realize you have a problem and then become unable to do anything about it.

My thoughts exactly. I’ll never put those I love in this misery

Also NYS is talking about passing the MAID bill, medical assistant in dieing. I'm really hoping that passes. But if not I live on the boarder of Vermont, so I would move there if I had to. I just hope if that time comes I have all my brain cells left to be allowed to make the decision.

Yup, think about it often, I really want to die before people don't like me anymore. Lol I told that to my boys, you would have to understand there personality and sence of humor to get it. But they said at the same time. To Late. It was actually funny, but ya gotta be there raising 4 boys was a treat. Lol. Anyways there all amazing and sometimes I think if I died now, I look at them and think , I Did This. And my heart is so full. I think what ever happens it's ok. I did 4 amazing things in my life.

But what I'm doing at 60 to keep my brain healthy is keeping myself healthy as I can and off prescription drugs. Due to walking my BP is amazing, my cholesterol is borderline line, working to keep the t there, and now I'm cutting back on sugar to keep my a1c good. All the issues that my parents have had, that may have lead to vascular dementia. I stay away from alcohol, don't smoke. And try to be the best me I can be. Anxiety is probably my worst issue . But I'm trying to work on that

Same. I think about my aunt. I never expected she would end up like she has with dementia. She was always feisty, fiercely independent and kept herself healthy with diet and exercise. If she could end up this way, so could I, but I would rather be dead, truthfully.
Also, I wouldn't expect my nieces and nephews to take care of me. I say this now but when you're in a vulnerable state, wh knows? I live cheap and am saving every penny I earn.

I’m planning to re write my will, advanced directive , trust etc as best as I can. I hope my son doesn’t have to put up with too much nonsense with me

How do you know that you will get dementia? Is dementia a familial history in your family? Not everyone gets dementia, you know. I have seen many centenarians on my local news recently who have their mental faculties intact and they are as sharp as a tack. An example of not everyone will get dementia is on my father’s side of the family all of his six sisters had dementia and they died from the disease, but my father and his three brothers did not get dementia. In my father’s case, dementia only affected the women and spared the men. If dementia runs in your family then there’s a strong possibility that you will get the disease.

You can Google what you can do to prevent dementia and try to follow that regimen. Living a stress-free and healthy lifestyle will help prevent dementia. Speak to your PCP about your fear of getting dementia. If you think you will get dementia then now is the time to plan for your care. In the meantime, just live your life and stop stressing yourself over something like this that may not even happen to you.

My mother is somewhere in the middle stages of dementia, and it has been the angry kind. I do have a fear of it happening to me. After learning 16 tons of valuable information, my husband and I totally overhauled our retirement plans. We are earmarking a ridiculous amount of savings so he and I will BOTH have enough money for assisted living, whether we ever need it or not. We weren't big spenders before, but now we are TIGHT, bro!!
I have given my husband the "I can't take care of you like 4 aides so don't even try to stay home with dementia" speech. And the "Put me in assisted living while I'm still halfway making sense so it's not a big scream-fest" speech. NO UNCERTAIN TERMS.

I joined the Y.
Thirty minutes of exercise a day - walking and lifting a little weight can help. Even if it doesn't keep dementia away, it helps me feel calmer and less worried.

I have given suicide a great deal of thought. Some people aren't able to set aside their religious beliefs and I respect that. I think it's sad and brave when a person ends their own life rather than suffer through years of incurable pain and fear. It seems that refusing food and water can work, although it is a long process, upsetting for family, and many professional caregivers aren't really able to get on board with it.

I am pretty sure I wouldn't be able to muster the huge courage it would take to end my own life. It looks good to me on paper, but I think I'd wuss out. That's okay. I'm planning for memory care.

I have started looking at my house as something I can live without. I refuse to develop an unhealthy attachment to it. It can burn down tomorrow, I have a totally Zen energy about it.

In my dementia world, I want a comfy bed, a recliner, a bookcase with lots of picture books, some Laurel and Hardy movies, some games, baby dolls and toys.

I even bought books for my husband and myself to fill in our final wishes.

I don't really know how many of us will end up with dementia. But I'm preparing to put myself in as calm and therapeutic a space as I can afford. It helps me not worry so much.

Me too. I don’t want dementia or Parkinson’s disease like my mom. Or a stroke and heart disease like my dad.

I want to die like my grandma. She simply dropped dead from old age. She never suffered.

I actually think dying in our sleep is an ideal way to go! We should all be so fortunate, huh?

A guy that I worked with died playing golf. An unexpected storm blew through and lightning struck him.

At his funeral his son said that his father died doing something that he dearly loved. He was going to retire shortly before he died.

I think unexpected deaths are tough for a family to endure.

Look how far medicine has progressed. I don’t think I want to live to be 100 plus years old! People are living so much longer.

Aren’t 3D printers going to be printing out body parts in the future? Who knows what else will come into our future health care?

Hopefully by the time we, ourselves, reach that stage, modern medicine will have advanced.

I feel the same . Paranoid of giving my kids grief. I’d rather be gone too .