Will the staff of the ALF be calling me often about mom's moods, paranoia and delusions? I've heard they do that sometimes.
Mom finally moved into a one bedroom apartment in an assisted living facility today. She was a mess. She said all the doctors and nurses have told her she does not have dementia or Alzheimer's, but she "might have it in five years". She's so forgetful she could have been told any number of things.
I was told by a psychiatrist she had dementia of the Alzheimer’s type and she needed 24/7 supervision. The only in-home care I could find was so expensive she would have run out of money far too quickly, with no guarantees the people would keep showing up on time.
The hospital and county social workers never came through with any ideas or advice, even after I suggested the only solution would be for her to be a ward of the state since she refuses options that are safe, possible, and within her budget. She was treated in the behavioral unit, then she was sent to a regular hospital room when she refused to be placed in a nursing home.
The hospital paperwork said she has major depressive disorder, severe; and major neurocognitive disorder, mild (aka dementia).
My sister and I both said "mild my foot."
She hated everything in the clean, cheerful assisted living home, had a tantrum, and said ugly things about what a horrible person I am for wanting to get rid of her and make my life easy.
I toured and chose the facility, which is an ALF with an MC, after mom finally said "Okay I'll move into assisted living if it means I won't be isolated." I had to move at the speed of light before she changed her mind.
Last night we got a notary and witnesses at the hospital and she signed me as her primary POA for medical and financial, my sister is secondary. Today I wrote the first month's check from mom's account. My husband and I tried to get her belongings unpacked in her room but she was spewing hate louder and louder, so I said, "come on let's go." We stopped at the front desk and I let them know she was having a fit, and the receptionist said she would send someone to her room.
Now I'm in my home, in the quietness, almost disbelieving.
Is she really safely installed in a care home after all these years of unbearable stress? When will my phone start ringing, and how often? Will she be mean and negative to the other residents in the dining area? Will they decide to move her to memory care next week? Will they evict her for disruptive behaviors?
Am I actually going to SLEEP tonight without a sick feeling in my stomach?
My sincere heartfelt thanks to everyone on this forum. I would have been lost without your advice and support. I still have work to do with her finances, property and healthcare, but I don't feel like I am alone on an island. I pray for us all to enjoy many moments of well-deserved peace in our lives.
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The staff has probably seen most issues, and more than once.
*I* am the one who calls the staff with questions and for advice. They have been wonderful. I make sure to send notes of thanks, and I am sure to learn the names of her caregivers, so that I can see them as people. I try and engage with them on my visits. Hopefully, it ultimately helps them care for my mom. :-)
It will take awhile, but your mom will settle in.
You have certainly been through the wringer. I’m glad that your mom is settled.
I pray you sleep soooo well tonight!
Best wishes to you!
Please remember that being mom's poa does not make you responsible for providing hand's on care for her. If they "evict" her, it is to a hospital or other care setting, not to your home.
I am glad that you found an assisted living facility with a memory care attached. That’s a huge plus! Not all assisted living facilities have a memory care.
Roll with the punches for now. They expect to have a transitional period when someone new moves in.
Your mom is where she needs to be. It’s a relief to know that there is a staff on hand 24/7.
Some people do prefer home care and we all must choose what works out best for each individual. I am like you though, unless a person finds extremely reliable help, it can be an issue if a caregiver doesn’t show up.
With facility care the problem of someone not showing up is eliminated and your mind can be at ease knowing that your mom will be well cared for.
2. She needs to be in MC part of the place, not AL. Being in the wrong unit will lead to phone calls, so call them first and get her switched over.
I would stay away for a few days let her settle in. Get used to the staff doing for her. When/if u can visit, do not do for her. Let the staff do it. I was so glad I wouldn't be doing toilet duty that I told the aide she needed to use the bathroom. Got a funny look from one but thats what 5k a month was paying for. And if she starts, you have the luxury of leaving.
My Mom was easy to care for but the first night she was in the AL was so nice. I slept thru the night. No interruptions.