On oct 28 my dad fell from a ladder. He has spinal stenosis and scoliosis. The hospital MRI machine broke and he was trapped for over an hour inside. He has claustrophobia am was losing it inside. Then he called me on oct 30 balling crying almost uncontrollable about his body and being paralyzed and what is he going to do. (Previously only seem my dad shed ONE tear at my grandpas funeral when I was 9, I’m 36) this was a huge shock, and I was at work when he called.
Then my mom went to ER ON nov 8 with severe headaches & vomiting & BP was like 190/160. I went to see on her on Nov 9 because what my dad was saying about the doctors wasn’t adding up. CT showed fluid on her brain.
On Nov 9 my mom was complaining of a headache still, so they gave her dilaudid, Opiod over the course of 3 hours. She slept most of it, but woke up saying still in headache pain. This time the nurse gave her the dilaudid direct to IV and all immediately. I thought that was strange...but left it alone. Then my dad left to go home 4:45 PM. By 5 I noticed she wasn’t really breathing, you know the chest goes up and down. A few “moments” later a doctor came in examined my mom and freaked out telling me to keep trying to wake her. I shook her, tickled her knees and feet and nothing. Doctor yelled for narcan. They gave it to her and she eventually came back. We found out she had a central spinal cord leak and fixed it.
All of this to say, all of this happened by accident, the CSF is a fluke, me coming was more of a “what is going on?” then “oh no my mom is in the hospital,” noticing the not breathing, the doctor coming in when she did, like a series of flukes!
No one else in my family witnessed it, no one talks about it, and it’s like this abstract thing to them, but REALLY HAPPENED.
I have flashbacks, I have triggers (making brownies for hubby’s work and I hear her voice in my head to scrape the bottom of the bowl to get all of the ingredients), when I’m doing simple long tasks like brushing my teeth... I think about this situation 1-3 times a day sometimes with and without a horrible crying spell (tonight included said spell and thus started googling).
Any help processing or coping with this? I feel alone within my family being the only one to witness and experience this... and within the greater “people” bc I googled and nothing came of it. So I’m even less hopefully with a therapist.
I also learned that apparently I will be the primary caretaker of my parents should they perish...both siblings were no where to be found.
any help?
~ Jayhawk flying solo looking for a flock
These 2 things are going to happen... life/death and IT IS HARD TO ACCEPT DEATH...family, friends, pets...a life taken away from us left on Earth is hard at times... Yes, I was sort of joyful at one funeral.. The poor bloke cheated on my friend, his wife, and I was joyful at his funeral.. Almost.. they have 4 kids.. and the littlest wanted me to go up with her and say goodbye... The place was packed, and I stood there as long as she wanted to, to say goodbye to her dad.. There I cried...
My brother had a bad accident.. and he said : look up there.. It is only for me to see.. dilaudid... again.. strong stuff....
Things happen,,,right place at right time? To The Higher Power... Thankfully it happened and you experienced it. Fluke? Not... not really... yes it happens, and thank you for noticing it... aware of it... MOre likely you were in tune to your LO's
Please know that there are no accidents in life.....you were placed in the right position at the precise time you needed to be there in order to help your mom get thru her ordeal....thats what I believe.
Also, you shouldn't overwhelm yourself even further by telling yourself you'll have to be the primary caretaker for both of your parents should something happen because your siblings were nowhere to be found during the latest crisis. There are LOTS of care options available to seniors these days, so THAT is the message you should keep in mind. Not that you'll be stuck for life and yada yada. One step at a time and one day at a time, ok? How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, of course, otherwise you'll choke to death trying to swallow the beast whole!
In any event, you need to see your doctor to discuss your symptoms and see if he can prescribe something to help you feel better. Talk therapy is also a great tool, like NoTryDoYoda said.
Don't put it off....make an appointment right away! Good luck
Unfortunately, I know how it feels. For me, it’s a lasting experience. You most likely will never forget it.
It becomes engrained in our minds knowing how fragile life is, that we can witness someone die in a matter of seconds. Then to suddenly see them breathe again is a surreal experience.
Talking about these situations with my therapist helped me. I would recommend that you relate this situation to a professional that can help you sort through your emotions.
I wish you well. Hugs.