I need help, my mother lives in NY State, I'm in Indy, she is in very poor health and recovering from surgery. She lives with my out of work youngest brother who is using her pention and SS to make his house payments and pay utilities. She is supposed to be getting therapy and moving around but she sits all day in a chair watching tv. The only bathroom is upstairs (a climb she cannot make unless she crawls up) so she limits herself to one or two trips a day. I'm worried about pressure sores and her not getting enough exercise. When I ask my brother how she is he yells at me to mind my own business and my last visit there he threatened to beat me up....I have tried to call her physician but they won't talk to me. What are my options?
Good luck, Make those calls!!
-SS
mike quest
Good luck, Bookwoorm. I feel for you on this one!!
Sherrie
Your brother may be under a lot of stress caring for her if she is suffering from dementia and sometimes elderly people just will not exercise. Many do sit or sleep most of the day and no amount of nagging from us can force them to do what they "need" to do according to what we want for them.
If she was in the hospital for surgery then she qualifies for Home Health care and they can keep an eye on her. But be careful,, as some of the others have said - she may end up in a nursing home (bad) or with you. Home Health can be intrusive and a HH social worker can report your mother and take over IF THEY DO NOT agree with your MOTHER's desires. I doubt this would happen since she lives with your brother.
If she is crawling up & down the stairs twice a day to use the restroom I do not think you need to worry about exercise at all.
If she is eating, using the restroom and getting up to use the restroom then leave them alone unless your mother is talking to you and reporting abuse or if she is not able to report abuse.
Something tells me that you have a "gut reaction" to this situation. Go with that and do not delay. Only you know what is appropriate in investigating this situation. If your Mom is truly in distress, act immediately but have a plan before you dive in. Does she have an alternative and safe place to go, even if it is temporary until you can think things through? Will your brother truly become physically violent? If so, inform the authorities and have them accompany you to her home. If he is taking financial advantage, get her PoAs and check her finances.
It is okay for a live-in family caregiver to expect the parent to chip in for the things they share. It is not okay for the child to be "living off" the parent and providing little to no care - that is called abuse and it happens far too often.
So many of us have "bully" siblings. Do what is right for your parent first....worry about your sibling relationship later. I lose no sleep over mine.
good luck
Lilli