So, removing a LO (learning the acronyms) chuckle. from a MCF isn't as easy as it appears. Lots to consider. So. mom dropped into a MCF she says against her will by uncooperative youngest sibling that refuses to speak. Mom says she wants out, she is long distance says MCF made her sign docs and she doesn't know what the docs were for. This REALLY CONCERNS ME.What r the best options short of ELAttorney. Initually I wanted to bring her home with me or at least relocate her to where I reside so she would be closer and not feel so alone. But after reading many of these posts I'm unsure going to see her next wk. Thanks
If I had a dollar for everytime I heard “ I don’t belong here “, I’d be a very rich woman .
If you don’t have POA, leave Mom where she is . You can’t go by what Mom says .
Here's another word to add to your list: Confabulation. A problem that makes someone with dementia produce false memories about events, or the false memories themselves: Confabulation differs from lying in that the person is not consciously attempting to deceive.
I was POA for my mother and I signed all the papers for her in Memory Care Assisted Living. An elder with dementia is never asked to sign documents because they are not competent TO sign documents.
Keep all this in mind when you pay a visit to mom. And do not automatically believe everything she says. Fact check everything. They all want to Go Home, it's part of the disease. I also suggest you get on better terms with your sister so you can find out what is going on in terms of what prompted her to place mom, doctor visits, etc.
Good luck to you.
"So. mom dropped into a MCF she says against her will by uncooperative youngest sibling that refuses to speak. "
This makes me think you and sis have had some ongoing problems?
There is certainly a lack of communication here between yourself and younger sibling?
How long have the two of you been at odds?
With whom does/did mom live?
Have you been to see mom in the MCF?
Who has POA or MPOA?
By MCF I must assume you mean either "Medical Care Facility" or "memory care". Which?
I want to welcome you to the Forum, and would love to chat with you about what's happening, but first need to know your mom's and your history, her current medical status, her current living situation, who she has appointed to be her caregiver or POA, exactly why you and sis are unable to discuss mom and for how long?
Sure welcome you and wish you luck with what is going on.
Remember, the more information you're able to give us, the better we can answer.
To me, just on the face of this, it sounds as though your sister found your mother confused (she still seems so?) and hospitalized her? I simply cannot tell on the information provided.
I CAN, however, wish you the best of luck, and mom as well; and hope that you will update us.
Is your sister POA? If so she is the one that makes the determination as to where mom is for her safety and getting the level of care that she needs.
The facility should NOT have had mom sign any papers. Just by the admission into a MC facility she is not competent to sign any documents.
NOW to your idea of bringing m om home, or at least closer to you....
Do you have any idea what it takes to care for a person with dementia?
It is a FULL time job.
Sure you can have help in many ways.
Adult Day Programs
Hiring caregivers
And dementia does not get better, there will be a continued decline.
As to placing mom in a facility closer to you...read the first line I wrote.
How long has she been in the facility where she is? If it has not been long she will adjust and not "feel so alone".
Another question..Who is mom's POA for both health and finances? If it is your sister she will have to agree to allow you to move mom. If she does not agree you can not just move her. You would have to go to court and file for Guardianship. If your sister has not done anything "wrong" and made all the right decisions for moms wellbeing I doubt that a Judge would grant you Guardianship.
And if mom is on Medicaid would the facility you plan on moving her to accept Medicaid?
If you are in a different State would the Medicaid transfer to another State without "jumping through hoops" that would delay any transfer?
Would her medical insurance if not on Medicaid transfer to where you plan on moving her?
There is a lot to consider.
Then I would just wait until you go visit your mom next week before you even think about making any changes in her life.
You must remember that your moms brain is now permanently broken and will never get better only worse, and uprooting someone with dementia can be very traumatic for them as they do better with routine.
And bringing someone into your home with advanced dementia is beyond challenging, especially if you've never dealt with or been around anyone with dementia.
You will literally have no life and will get little to no sleep as you will be the 24/7 person she depends on, whereas now she has a whole team of people looking after her in the memory care facility.
I would think long and hard before you contemplate any changes for your mom, plus if you are not her POA, your hands will be tied anyway unless you want to spend thousands of dollars on getting guardianship.
Enjoy your time with your mom next week and remember that her brain is broken so take whatever she says with a grain of salt.