I am getting so much better at tolerance but just wish she were positive. She has the best of everything care wise. I just feel as if I am considered abusive when I lose it. She always denies this behavior but my in house assistants always have to deal with it too.
Show me the parent who has never "yelled" at a kid in frustration. Show me a 24/7 family caregiver who has never yelled or spoke harshly to the loved one being cared for. I suspect that there are very few people who qualify. Does that mean nearly all parents and nearly all caregivers are abusive? Hardly!
Saying that the father who is forcing sex on his son or daughter and the mother who looks the other way are "abusive" and that the parent who loses her temper and yells is "abusive" is absurd. Not all regrettable behavior, not all imperfect behavior is "abusive."
Yelling at an elderly person for behavior he or she may not be able to control is not a good thing. It is not Best Practice. It is not productive or helpful. It should not be done. But to label the caregiver as abusive is totally inappropriate, in my mind.
Let us not totally water down the meaning of a serviceable word like "abuse."
And it truly is not abuse because the definition of abuse, according to Wikipedia, is:
"Abuse is the improper usage or treatment for a bad purpose, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse can come in many forms, such as: physical or verbal maltreatment, injury, sexual assault, violation, rape, unjust practices; wrongful practice or custom; offense; crime, or otherwise verbal aggression."
That first sentence makes it clear why the word ends in '-use.'
Sometimes abuse is delivered via verbal aggression.
But not all verbal aggression is abuse.
Sometimes it is just frustration.
Different circumstances cause different outcomes. Those of us who grew up in noisy yelling households 1) are used to yelling and aren't quite so sensitive to it and 2) never had role models for doing anything different.
All of us do the best we can.
Dad was accustomed to my deceased mother waiting on him hand and foot, and he attempts to pull the, “You’re suppose to take care of me act,” several times a day on ME. Dad has had more physical and occupational therapy than anyone can ever imagine. As soon as the therapists are finished and document that he has met his potential with dad walking by himself using a walker, he tells me that he is “crippled” and cannot do anything for himself. I have “nanny cams” all over my house and have recorded dad walking with his “grabber stick” as if it were a cane both inside and outside of the house. Then, after the therapist(s) are finished with his “full PT and OT therapy,” dad becomes a “cripple” again, and he wants me to help LIFT him out of a lift chair by pretending that “it stopped working.” (I’m attempting to keep my weight above 100 lbs. at a height of 5’6 foot and dad is 6’1 foot and quickly approaching 200 lbs.) Please Note: I am not anorexic nor is my weight loss related to dad: It is the result of a patient assault that back in 2005 while working as a RN at the largest trauma hospital in Tampa, FL. This incident resulted in me having total TMJ surgery (jaw replaced), C-5 vertabrae replacement, and muscle spasms that requires daily medication for the remainder of my life. (I only received 2 months of compensation from the work related hospital injury, had a negligent attorney (it took him 7 years to even get to mediation), and he advised and threatened me under duress to sign the legal papers prior to and after the mediation discussion, or that that this particular hospital would freeze any assets that I had available: This made me fear that I wouldn’t even have access to any money for the care of my dad.)
However, everyone, hang in there! I have learned that no matter what situation that you are in with an aging parent that you can bet that someone else is either going through the same circumstances or even worse! (I attempt to count my blessings everyday!)
I encourage everyone to hand in there!
if you are feeling it a little too much yelling or may become a worse problem then by all means keep tabs on it...and keep working it out here and get a counselor there in person...
it is very touchy tho....I reached out to social services once when I felt so low that I mite be harmful to myself , they warned if I make that statement they will take ma from me so do be careful!!
LOVE N STRENGTH...
speaking of saints, didja see the pope said that if non believers just do good they can probably go to heaven? what makes that smoking bucket, drag queen think non believers would want to join his cootie platoon? what an ego..
anyway...thank goodness for internet how did the previous do it without, it can keep us connected and informed