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My step dad (77) has only peripheral vision in one eye, macular degeneration in the other, and recently lost consciousness behind the wheel, caused a serious accident, and received 3 tickets. By Illinois law he was supposed to have his license suspended for 6 months, but somehow that was not submitted to the state. He is not safe, but thinks he should drive ('must not be that bad') since he has his license and it is not suspended.


Suggestions appreciated. I don't know where to start. His doctor, SOS, health department, or other.


Suggestions appreciated.

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Get the keys or disable the car NOW, then worry about getting his license revoked. An innocent person can die if he continues to drive.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
It's not an option to disable the vehicle, as it's used regularly for me to transport them. We cannot use my vehicle, due to their limited mobility. Which is why I need to be the only driver. He feels shame and guilt for not being able to help in this area, but I'm trying to appeal to moral conviction to keep people safe in the meantime.
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Often it is really up to the family, AKA you, to keep someone unsafe off the roads. This has more to do with not having access to a vehicle than a valid license. A piece of paper does not keep anyone from getting behind the wheel. So, it's time for some tough love. You can do it assertively and ask for his keys which could turn into a big fight. Nah. Instead, I would take the passive way and disable his vehicle. I don't personally know how to do this but I don't think it's too hard. Then have it towed or drop it off at the shop but it just never comes back. Needs a part that is on back order, etc. etc. Out of sight, out of mind.

When my mom's dementia became such that driving was a horrible idea, her doctor told her (at my insistence). She had already kind of stopped due to winter weather, fear of ice, etc. So I just hid her keys in case she got any bright ideas of going for a ride and then just reminded her that she could have an accident and KILL SOMEONE, maybe young children, etc. I could not bear the idea of that happening and could not deal with the guilt of it, if the worst ever were to happen.

Just thought of another idea - have him go for an eye exam at motor vehicle. There's no way he could pass is there? I would also call whoever is in charge of this mandatory suspension and see what the hold up is?

Good luck. He's not going to be happy but this is about safety - his and the that of the innocent people on the road.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
The suspended report was not filed or applied to his license.
I use their vehicles to transport them for appointments and errands, as my vehicle is not 'senior friendly', so theirs will have to stay.
I have asked him to consider the fact that he could seriously harm my mother or someone else, and not think only about himself.
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You are in the best position to safeguard your LO and others. Depending on her state, you can anonymously report him to the DMV online (and provide all the documentation and incidents to support your claim). They will mail out a letter informing him he needs to come in to be tested (probably starting with an eye test, which he likely wouldn't pass). But do not take him to this appointment. Do not keep talking about it. Make sure he doesn't call others to take him. His license will then expire. Then, remove his vehicle on some pretense (it needs repair) or disable it. Cancel his insurrance. If you aren't able to do this then talk to his neighbors and ask them to report him (911) if they see him pull out. Report him as a dangerous driver. In some states doctors can write a letter to the DMV advising against their driving but ultimately you would be the one to *make sure* your LO is not driving (because sometimes they don't care whether they have a valid license or not, whether they might hurt themselves or not, due to their cognitivve decline and impaired mental judgment).

He won't like any of this and will be in a rage for a while but you must step in and be prepared to substitute his need to drive by providing rides and having his necessities delivered, etc.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
Thank you for your response. I have provided a caregiver and transportation, but he doesn't want to bother anyone (but me).
I am not sure when his license will naturally expire, but I will be reaching out to the DMV.
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So there are multiple options.

The safest and quickest is obviously to take the car keys/disable the vehicle. That should be your first priority. Remove the ability literally to drive a vehicle. And make sure that he does not have access to any other vehicles.

Then you can start the process of revoking his license. In my state - there is a form that the DMV needs completed. If you look on the DMV website for your state there should be a forms section - on mine it is called the Medical Report Form and it has to be filled out by their physician. You can anonymously report him to the DMV yourself and initiate this. My FIL was supposed to have been reported by his eye doctor as well - per them - when he became legally blind/uncorrectable with glasses. They told him that they had to report it. But nothing was ever done as far as we can tell.

His license expires next month. We are not taking him to renew it. We are going to allow it to expire. He has no access to any car keys. He is going to completely freak out and we know it. But he is not safe to be driving and there is no point in him having a drivers license. He could have a state id if necessary - but at almost 90 years old - and already in possession of a photo military ID we aren't even sure that with that and expired license and credit cards that will even be necessary.

I often feel like there should be more rigorous oversight - especially in situations like yours where actual harm has already been done and the police have already been involved. I do not understand why he even still has his license at this point from a legal standpoint if there is a law on the books. Has he had to go to to court or has he just paid those tickets and walked away? His insurance must be astronomical! It its a a wonder they haven't cancelled him already!
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
He was still physically recovering when court was set, so he just paid the tickets. He was working as a currier driver when he rear ended a semi at 65mph on a state highway. His personal insurance was not an issue as this is a workman's comp case. The state police has been minimally helpful, providing only accident reports, because of privacy of others involved in the accident.
I'm hoping he will not be hireable. I'll be looking into the DMV forms you mentioned. Thank you.
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I would talk to his eye doctor. With only peripheral vision, IMO he should not be driving. I know of two sisters in my Church who stopped driving because of macular degeneration . I will bet his eye doctor told him no more driving. I would also ask the police why they did not revoke his licence or send in paperwork to DMV.

I would think after that accident that SD would be scared to drive. Has he been to see a doctor about losing consciousness? He could have had a mini stroke. His doctors can report him to DMV. My Gson was told to stop driving because of seizures by his PCP and that PCP reported it to DMV. It took from Jan to March for the DMV to contact my Gson and then gave him till April to send them his license.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
The eye doctor referred him to a specialist, which he is avoiding. He feels it is obligation to drive and provide for my mother (denial).
He has had every scan known for a diagnosis, with no results. However, the EMT's, ER doctors, and state trooper all witnessed his unconsciousness. His PCP told him it was suspended, but it is not recorded in his DMV record.
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This is confusing. “I have provided a caregiver and transportation, but he doesn't want to bother anyone (but me)”. But he is still driving – not just ‘bothering you’. And you have to use their vehicle, so you can’t disable it.

It’s not going to be convenient, but perhaps the solution is to remove the vehicle from Dad’s place, store it somewhere as accessible as possible for you, drive your car to pick it up, and then go around to collect Dad. So it’s ‘usable’ but not there as an option for Dad to get into. Make a fuss about how much trouble it is for you to avoid the potential accidents and liability, and how much easier it would be if he uses the ‘caregiver and transportation’ you have provided. Get someone to heavy you (even this site’s ‘advice’) about his and your liability if he injures someone else – or kills your mother.
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I mentioned in a session with my Mom's psychiatrist that she was still driving (although only with me in the car, and not very often because I live 2-1/2 hours away and only visit on alternate weeks), NEVER drives at night.

Anyway, the DMV suspended her license, based on a medical condition she has which was reported. No names of doctor reporting her medical condition, and no specifics about her medical condition (dementia). I strongly suspect it was her psychiatrist that reported her. And it relieved me of the responsibility to tell her she shouldn't drive any longer, ever.

Of course, the suspension could be rescinded, but only on a doctor's advice that her medical condition was resolved and no longer a factor in her ability to drive.
Obviously dementia isn't a condition that will get better (enough to allow my mom to continue driving safely).

Hope this is helpful - get a doctor to anonymously report to DMV or its equivalent. Then expect a letter from DMV re: suspension!
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There are so many things that are alarming about this - but the loss of consciousness is jumping out at me. I am going to assume this was BEFORE he lost control of the vehicle and not as a result of the accident. In which case you have to know that this in all likelihood is not the end of this.

There are so many reasons for losing consciousness. Did they find any reason for it in the hospital or doctors after the accident? Seizures, heart problems, blood pressure and blood sugar, and stroke all immediately come to mind. Clearly he shouldn't be driving. But there may also be underlying problems that need to be addressed whether he is driving or not.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
The cause of the accident was loss of consciousness. He remained so until sometime after he was admitted. He has had every known test to determine cause, with no findings. No additional testing required, and this is why I feel like I need to take matters into my own hands.
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I reported my mom to the DMV, along with a letter I sent to her primary. She had a mild cognitive decline diagnosis, but refused to be seen by doc, after her ER visit.

I detailed very specific instances mom had been having + the MCD diagnosis + not seeking medical help = the state sent her a letter. The state would have reactivated her license had she passed an in-person test (she did not pass) and had three various doctors complete paperwork saying she was fit to drive (she tried to get her primary to sign off on the paperwork which he did not do).  

Start with a letter to dads doctor, detailing all you know about dads health and why he should not be driving. Ask for the doc’s assistance.

Next, call the DMV and ask where you can send a letter requesting dads license be revoked. Write a letter to the DMV and state what you know about dad’s vision issues, his loss of consciousness behind the wheel, driving tickets, etc.. Request their assistance and state you do not believe your dad should be driving.

This worked for me, even though psychiatrist and neurologist in the ER did not put through paperwork to the state with Mom’s diagnosis of cognitive decline.

Good luck.
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I would start by calling or going online to the DMV and asking what the process is. It differs by state. I reported 2 elders: one in MN and the other in FL and never had to provide a letter from any doctor in either instance... just my first-hand accounts of their poor driving/health/cognition (facts, dates, outcomes, etc). These elders then got letters from the DMV to come in for re-testing/renewal. In once case we just didn't bring the elder in and her license expired. In the other case in FL, a well-meaning cousin brought my elderly Aunt in but she couldn't pass the eye test. They asked how she got there for the test and she said she had her nephew drive her.
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MJ so to follow up with your last comment to me - he lost consciousness - which caused the accident. And if I am understanding correctly - he did NOT regain consciousness until AFTER he got to the hospital - through the emergency room and was admitted?

That is not exactly a short span of time to be unconscious. And then they did multiple tests with no results. So they ruled out the common causes?

In other words, they have absolutely no idea what happened. Which also means that they have absolutely no idea if it will ever happen again. This is incredibly serious.

My DH has very well controlled seizures, on three different medications. He has been well controlled for YEARS. We are in our 50s. A number of years ago he had a single vehicle accident. He had missed 3 doses of his medication - for unforeseen circumstances. He had one seizure due to the missed medications which caused the accident. His doctor immediately sent in the letter to the DMV medical review board to remove his driving privileges for 6 months - even though we knew the reason for the seizure was the missed meds, it was protocol and it was the right thing to do, to be sure that it was just from the missed meds. He had to go back to the DMV after those 6 months and request reinstatement, which he received. He had not had any seizures since then.

This is nothing to play with. Had the doctor not taken away his driving privileges- we would have had to do something because I wouldn't have felt comfortable - at least for a while- letting him drive until we KNEW he was back to a stable place.

I think your best option is to contact the DMV. Ask them what steps you need to take to get his DL revoked. They can give you the proper procedure. But the immediate need is to absolutely remove all opportunity for him to drive in any way possible. Make sure all keys are nowhere to be found. They all belong to you now. He has no access to any cars. I would even go so far as to keep track of what he is doing in case he tries to RENT a car. I know you can't disable the car because you use it. But make sure he cannot get behind the wheel of a car.

In not knowing what happened to him - and in knowing that he already has a history of accidents and tickets - this is not something that can be left to chance. Anything to do with loss of consciousness is either a sudden drop in blood pressure, something with his heart, a seizure (which is possible even if he has never had one before and could be related to other things), or maybe even drug or alcohol related - which I would assume would have come out in the tests. Is he on any new meds that he started before the accident? Anything medication or otherwise that he may be allergic to?

When you have eliminated the horses you start looking for zebras. Could this have been a one time thing? Sure. My DH's was. But we KNEW exactly what happened to him. But there is the distinct possibility that you won't find out what caused this. And you are going to need to make sure that even if the cause of the accident happens again - an accident itself can't happen again.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
I reached out to the SOS yesterday, and they verified his information was current, and no pending reports. I was given 2 options.
1. I reach out to the PCP, which I do not have HIPPA authorization, and though ethically may comply, most likely will not.
2.Contact the state tollway authority/officer on scene who signed the accident report and citations. Although I'm sure he has seen plenty of accidents since this particular one, this officer personally sought out my SD to verify he was alive, and give him the citations personally. I think he will remember. I left a message for the trooper yesterday, and waiting for a reply, and ask for a suspension.
The SOS stated that the 3 main medical reasons for suspension are diabetes, epilepsy, and sleep apnea. He has the latter, and has been in treatment for years. This would also explain why all of the other testing was normal, and most likely, he was never asked about it during his emergency care. This may be the zebra.
He has no allergies, or new meds.
I feel like there is hope in discovering the sleep apnea could be the solution to this issue.
I am trying to juggle this and my mother's dementia/noncompliance and frequent ER visits, and my own serious health conditions. I am the only one who shows up, and the caregiver usually gets thrown out when she gets there. I need to & do work part time, and yeah I know it's too much. I have often felt my mother will out live us all.
I appreciate your thoughtfulness and the time you have invested in my issue. Thank you.
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Does he live with you? We had this talk with dad 2 years ago he is 87. He was still driving at 85. His car died he used my daughter's car since she lives out of state and it is technically my car. After his second knee replacement and a few falls, I gave him a driving test. He failed. I said, "you're done".He drove in a snowstorm when I told him to stay home and we were away for my wife's birthday and he denied the damage that happened to my daughter's car, scratches on the hood, and dent in the front from possibly running off the road. My wife strongly said to him "It's my car, my house, my insurance, if you hurt someone in a car accident we will lose our house, so you not driving anymore". It was painful at first but he now has everyone drive him everywhere as his grandfather did, seems to actually love it. It is a huge pain in the ass for me.
Sometimes you just have to lay it out. If he had an accident as you described he needs to stop today, not a license issue, just NO. I've pulled many dead and mangled bodies out of cars for over 40 years with older people being behind the wheel that should not have been there.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
My mother, who is home bound, and my step dad, live in their own home. He has been her primary care provider until this accident. Of course they struggle to keep their independence.
I have tried to appeal to logistical, practical, and safety issues, but have not taken him driving myself. IMO he has not been a safe driver for years.
I think a drive might be the solution. Just him and I and a test. It seems like the perfect opportunity to tell him it's over.
Can you give me a few ideas, of how and where I should implement it please?
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Install a kill switch
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Hothouseflower Mar 2023
That is the best idea!
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Call DMV and tell them he is unsafe and what happened..they can test him if brave enough to ride with him.
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Start with an exam by his eye doctor. He/She will inform your dad that he can no longer drive. Ask him/her what are the steps to get that license revoked.
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take the licence and car. he has some nerve driving and putting others in danger
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Start with your local police department... He is a demonstrated hazard to public safety, they must act to restrict his driving, also call the DMV and ask for some advice. The law is a little different in each state but your Doctor in charge of his care can certify him as not capable to drive and this can be used to suspend his license. My own personal experience... I just took the keys to the car... my parents were not happy but I explained the situation to them and they accepted the situation eventually. It is the hardest thing to do, but people's lives are at stake, be strong and do the right thing... take the keys...
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1. Disable the car to stop all driving now.

2. Get him evaluated by his doctor. Anonymously report him as an unsafe driver to the DMV.

3. This is going to be a very tough battle but tough love: take all car keys away from him NOW. In addition, remove the vehicle from an accessible area. Tell Dad the car is in the shop and just do not know when it will be available to use.

4. Discuss how dangerous it is to continue to drive and how much it will destroy this family financially and physically, cause severe injuries, perhaps lead to one or more deaths.

5. Finally, discuss alternate transportation plans, such as rideshare. He may be eligible for paratransit. With his sight conditions, does he use a white cane? There is also the guide dog as a useful option if able to use public transit.
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You can report to both the eye doctor and PCP without HIPPA either by letter or phone. State you are a "person of concern". Upon my son's request, I made a phone call to my daughter in law's PCP. The staff member typed in my report into her medical record. She was in the blackout phase of a bipolar episode when she was claiming depression. The blackout phase is when she has no recollection of her actions and is a dangerous phase for self harm. The PCP office called her in and was able to start medical therapy right away before the psychiatric referral. It has been 2 years that she is on medication without having the bipolar high.
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This was very easy for us in the state of Washington. My mother had a stroke that left her with no peripheral vision and memory loss. The doctor filled something out and her drivers license was revoked.

If I were you, I’d go straight to the doctor. There’s a form they fill out and turn it into the DMV.

Good luck!
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HI MJcaregiver23,

Addition to all the great info here. In your response to blue-eyed you mentioned not being able to contact the PCP because of HIPPA? It's not a violation of HIPPA for you to provide info to the physician. They may not respond since if you are not authorized on release of info. You can always give them info if you concerned about your LO. It may actually help the medical team to understand all the things that happen outside of the 15-20 minutes they see their patient. My mom was very convincing at the Dr's office. I began slipping the receptionist a note when we checked in and noticed the evaluations and line of questioning change once they had more information. Then I continued to update in this manner. The doctor continued to address my mom with his questions, knowing what the real answers were already. It allowed her to maintain some sense of autonomy. Granted, she was allowing me to go in to her appointments. My point is YOU can share info with the medical team. HIPPA protects your SD from them sharing with you if he hasn't approved.

This is a tough situation all the way around. This group always has wonderful suggestions and support. Best to you!
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fluffy1966 Mar 2023
I love your response! Sometimes (in past career) I would contact a doctor by FAX message and lead with "I know that you are unable to discuss this patient with me due to HIPPA regs, but there is critical information that I must place before you regarding Jim Smith: I would then proceed to share that the client has not fully shared info with you that might impact your treatment plan, . You, LRS123 have hit upon the method by which you 'slipped note' to receptionist. HIPPA keeps medical or psychological personnel from discussing the client WITH YOU, but does not keep you from placing information before their eyes.
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I sent a letter to the bureau of motor vehicles and told them that my mother had been diagnosed with dementia, failed two simulated driving tests that the doctor gave her and she should not be driving. I asked them to contact her and at the very least bring her in for a driving test. They sent my mom a letter telling her that if she did not come into the BMV for a driving test by X date, that her license would be suspended. At that point, my mother did not even know how to get to the BMV and then forgot that she had even gotten the letter. I sold her car and that was that. Now let met tell you what that meant....I had to take her to the pharmacy, take her to the grocery, take her to her doctor appointments, etc. I lived a half hour away and worked full time and had my own family and house to take care of. Taking on her entire life and home just about killed me. I did it for several years before we moved her into assisted living.

It sounds like your father has no business driving. Contact a doctor or the BMV who can give him a simulated driving test to prove to him that it is dangerous for him to be on the road. Then you'll need to figure out who is going to take on those tasks for him that he would normally do for himself with a car.
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You can contact the DMV and notify them that he is unsafe to drive, citing the reasons you just stated here. They will then investigate and determine if he is, in fact, unsafe. Typically, this involves them calling him in and having him complete a full re-evaluation, including vision and driving test.
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My dad ran off road. The highway patrol found him. Not long after that a letter came from the state of Wyoming telling him he had no license anymore till he could get a doctor to fill out form saying he was fit to drive. Dad was so sad when he got the letter but he never drove again.
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Went through with my Dad … same … said if he had his license he could drive . Go to police …or DMV … they can revoke license and him take a driver test. My father couldn’t even find the DMV. Then i posted letter from the police and DMV on his refrigerator. Then he was not mad at ME - it was the police!! Good luck!!
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Get an appointment with his primary doctor. They MUST report on unsafe drivers, and notify the state.
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I went to the insurance company and had my Daddy taken off the insurance. Then I explained to him that he had no insurance to drive and if he did drive and got caught without insurance then we would be sued for all our money and lose the house. He was so mad at me and I was the worst daughter in the world but he never drove again. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I told my daughter the same if I become like that just lay it out!
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Maryjann Mar 2023
My MIL was okay with the idea of driving without insurance. She was a "good driver" and wouldn't get in an accident. Willful denial was her watchword. Just saying, when someone loses their ability to reason, it doesn't help to be reasonable. My husband disabled her car "until she could show him a valid driver's license."
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Have his eye doctor write a letter to the state
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His doctor will send a letter to DMV and they will notify your step-dad that he has to recertify by taking the test again. Now would be a good time since his recent accident.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
The letter/fax was never received. So there is not an active suspension.
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* First, get medical provider letter indicating he is unfit to drive and that his license needs to be revoked.

* Contact the DMV

* Avoid his ability to drive - some people are very willful in this regard.

- Disassemble parts of the car so he can't drive it (if he might).
- Plug up key hole so the key won't go in.
- Take the battery out of the 'key' if that kind of key.
- Change the key on his key ring so it doesn't work.

* As needed, notify the police dept that he is / might be driving and that you are in the process of getting his license revoked.

IMPORTANT _________________

(1) Give him a lot of room to vent as this is a huge loss for him. He will be angry and give you reasons why he can drive.
- Be compassionate - yet firm.
- Might 'not' be a time to say "xxx will drive you to xxx' as this reinforces his lack of independence although it will let him know he isn't stuck (in the house). The timing of this is important.

(2) Do not argue with him. Do reflective listening, i.e., "I understand you feel xxx"

(3) Watch Teepa Snow's webinar on this issue. It is very informative. If you can't find it on her website, call her office.

Gena / Touch Matters
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