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My step dad (77) has only peripheral vision in one eye, macular degeneration in the other, and recently lost consciousness behind the wheel, caused a serious accident, and received 3 tickets. By Illinois law he was supposed to have his license suspended for 6 months, but somehow that was not submitted to the state. He is not safe, but thinks he should drive ('must not be that bad') since he has his license and it is not suspended.


Suggestions appreciated. I don't know where to start. His doctor, SOS, health department, or other.


Suggestions appreciated.

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Don't give him anything to drink after 7pm
If he still has to go to the bathroom
Then try 6 pm
I stop drinking at 5 pm will sip a little water
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I suggest getting a "Club" for the steering wheel and you keep the keys. He won't be able to turn the steering wheel even if he has a key to start it. You'll still be able to use the car with minimal disruption or cost.
This should help until you can arrange for his license to be voided by his doctor or the DMV.
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Get a "steering wheel security lock" immediately. The steering wheel will only be able to move a couple of inches if someone tries to drive with it locked in place.

Your stepfather sounds like he will continue to put innocent people's lives in jeopardy by driving sneakily even if he has no valid license or insurance, so get a steering wheel lock to which you keep the key ASAP.

https://www.autozone.com/alarm-and-security/security-lock
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Sorry to say everybody is backlogged, have a work shortage, or failing in their attempt to multitask.
Suggestions: As a concerned person or caregiver
1. Go inquire on why his lisence was not suspended
2. Talk to his PCP and share your concern
If no one is willing to help, send a certified letter to the courts and to his doctor with a formal request for help. This will show a genuine concern for your stepfather and the public. Hopefully this will get the
ball rolling.
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MJcaregiver23: Disable the auto by any means possible.
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Contact your local senior center or local area services for seniors. Where I live in California, I have five different services. I voluntary stopped driving because I am 85 and was trying out some new medication and wasn't sure how I would react. These five services meet all my needs from going shopping, doctors visits, hospital visits, visiting family and friends, lunches out, movies, etc. Most local rides are between $1.00 and $2.50. My car insurance was about $90 a month and whatever gas or upkeep on the car I need. If I have to go over 20 miles or so it's between $17-$25. That's about a trip every day if I want. This does not include buses, taxies, etc. which of course, could be more money. All you have to do is think ahead to make a reservation a day ahead. You could also pay a friend or neighbor $10.00 to take you along when they go to shop. Independence is really not the issue here, many disabled and blind people can and do get around very well. If you were to rent a limo to go to a party and drink, you wouldn't think twice about it. It would be considered safe and a luxury. And it probably be more than your car insurance. Good Luck with new ideas.....
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BlueEyedGirl94 Mar 2023
Bonanazatree you make an excellent point. My oldest daughter is away at college - and her car recently broke down. The repair work is extensive (but thankfully covered under warranty) but because of supply chain issues is taking much longer than expected. With Uber/Lift, buses, friends (and of course walking on campus) she is making it work to get EVERYWHERE ENTIRELY right now - her entire life - NO CAR at all. 2 1/2 hours away from home where she could borrow my car. And we are talking about an active 20-something with a job, social life etc.

While I realize it might be more difficult for some seniors to navigate some of these options -especially with the added requirement of using technology to reserve rides, there are so many options out there - and to your point - might even save money over the gas, insurance and upkeep.

Plenty of young adults don't even bother to have cars anymore - with the availability of rideshares like Uber/Lift.

And it doesn't impact their independence at all.
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The way I had my husband’s license revoked was through his eye doctor. They should know about degenerative process and peripheral loss. You can get them to both give you a letter and send one to DMV stating he should not be driving. His doctor can give the news instead of you. I’m sorry to hear he doesn’t recognize this even after an accident.
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Totally depends on the State that issued the license. Contact the Bureau of motor vehicle
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Sometimes the wheels of justice move slowly. Definitely slower after covid and many companies became okay with 'do the job when i can get to it' mentality.

How did he pay those three tickets? Contact that court and find out why they never put the suspension on his license. Call your DMV, explain the accident, and find out what has to happen to get the suspension. Call his doctors. Doctors who treat people for epilepsy report seizure activity to pull the license until the patient has gone x number of months without a seizure. Considering his eyesight and the recent wreck, would seem very likely the doctor who treats him for his sight could help to get a form to file and medical records to back it up.
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There have been great responses here and I really can’t add to them except to say this: you are aware of the problem and, whether you are POA or not, you could be held legally liable if something were to happen. You must do whatever you can to get your step dad from behind the wheel. I have known people who were charged after fatal car crashes involving an at-fault elderly parent. I don’t know the laws in your state, but be aware that this could occur.
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MJcaregiver23

Google DMV. There is a form you can print out and then fill out the form and mail it back. It may take a few weeks but your dad will get a notice from DMV regarding an appointment with a date, address, and time. Take your dad to the appointment and they will give him a driving test. If he fails, they revoke his license that day.

The form is called Request for Driver Review.

Then you will have to step in if he won't give up his driving rights. My mom still drove. She wouldn't stop even though we told her she could go to jail.

I so wish you luck. It was VERY hard to do this and I had to do it with both my parents.
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You must choose your battles and this is one you need to face immediately!

Go first to your DMV with POA and his drivers license in hand. See if they will cancel his license and give you a replacement ID card. Take that home with a blank set of keys for his key chain. Then you can lay down the law, say it's over, here's your new license for your wallet, DVM says no driving. Don't mention the blank keys, replace the real keys with the blanks, let him keep them in his pocket.

This is not easy, my 5' self stood toe to toe with my 6' husband in the driveway and said no damn way! This went on for over 2 months, every time we were going somewhere, I was in the drivers seat! He never drove again, and like someone else said he began to enjoy it after a bit. AND........ he never killed anyone! That's what you MUST keep in mind. Someone else's life, someone else's child!
Blessings for you and your family!
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Please don't wait until someone suffers serious injury or death. Report him to your department of motor vehicles immediately. Tell them about the suspension that was not implemented. Tell them about his vision and his accidents. If you don't have POA get him to sign a HIPPAA waiver and have his eye doctor sign a note with the diagnoses. That will get his license revoked, or at least suspended pending a medical board review.
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Talk to the doctor about Cognitive Skills Analysis DCAT Mobile
https://tirf.ca/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/MTO_cognitive_meta_6.pdfe

My husband just tested, it's a virtual driving test and it is understood that it was just step one in the inevitable license loss................it is a legal tool and no one's fault. Anger will erupt when the license is revoked, but that's what medication is for.
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Go to the DMV and find out what they need to suspend or revoke his license.

(copy and paste)
https://www.dmv.com/il/illinois/dmv-office?tg1=DVA&utm_content=dmv.com&utm_medium=dmv_&tg7=dmv_&utm_source=dmv.com&tg9=dmv.com&utm_term=organic_dmv&utm_campaign=organic_dmv

Contact the doctor and ask him/her to put a stop on him. Go to the Illinois State Patrol Office and notify them. Mom can call a tow-truck driver to move his truck to a storage facility (after you let the police not to put the vehicle on the stolen list if Dad reports it).
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If license was going to be suspended perhaps finding out what happened or not and getting that rectified.
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looks like you have alot of great answers already. In Canada our easiest path is to contact the family Dr or eye Dr in confidence and report what's happened. Ask if they are willing to have a conversation about relinquishing his driver's license on his own.
I think what needs to be emphasized is what this means for your parent. Not having a license can be very anxiety producing as they don't know how they are going to maintain their sense of independence without it. Help your dad to create a plan so that he feels like he can still get around and it doesn't require calling you to come get him when he wants to run up the street to the store for something. When he see's a plan that can actual work he may be willing to give up his license more easily. My dad has mac deg and was willing to give up his license more easily because my mom was still driving, so she was his fall back plan. My mom now should be giving it up but doesn't want to because it means absolute loss of independence. We are exploring things like selling the car to create a cab slush fund, door delivery of groceries and medicines and take out, community services that pick up seniors and take them to outings and appointments.
Good luck, I know it's not easy.
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ConnieCaretaker Mar 2023
Please consider companion driver/shopper like Care.com or Visiting Angels.
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* First, get medical provider letter indicating he is unfit to drive and that his license needs to be revoked.

* Contact the DMV

* Avoid his ability to drive - some people are very willful in this regard.

- Disassemble parts of the car so he can't drive it (if he might).
- Plug up key hole so the key won't go in.
- Take the battery out of the 'key' if that kind of key.
- Change the key on his key ring so it doesn't work.

* As needed, notify the police dept that he is / might be driving and that you are in the process of getting his license revoked.

IMPORTANT _________________

(1) Give him a lot of room to vent as this is a huge loss for him. He will be angry and give you reasons why he can drive.
- Be compassionate - yet firm.
- Might 'not' be a time to say "xxx will drive you to xxx' as this reinforces his lack of independence although it will let him know he isn't stuck (in the house). The timing of this is important.

(2) Do not argue with him. Do reflective listening, i.e., "I understand you feel xxx"

(3) Watch Teepa Snow's webinar on this issue. It is very informative. If you can't find it on her website, call her office.

Gena / Touch Matters
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His doctor will send a letter to DMV and they will notify your step-dad that he has to recertify by taking the test again. Now would be a good time since his recent accident.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
The letter/fax was never received. So there is not an active suspension.
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Have his eye doctor write a letter to the state
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I went to the insurance company and had my Daddy taken off the insurance. Then I explained to him that he had no insurance to drive and if he did drive and got caught without insurance then we would be sued for all our money and lose the house. He was so mad at me and I was the worst daughter in the world but he never drove again. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I told my daughter the same if I become like that just lay it out!
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Maryjann Mar 2023
My MIL was okay with the idea of driving without insurance. She was a "good driver" and wouldn't get in an accident. Willful denial was her watchword. Just saying, when someone loses their ability to reason, it doesn't help to be reasonable. My husband disabled her car "until she could show him a valid driver's license."
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Get an appointment with his primary doctor. They MUST report on unsafe drivers, and notify the state.
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Went through with my Dad … same … said if he had his license he could drive . Go to police …or DMV … they can revoke license and him take a driver test. My father couldn’t even find the DMV. Then i posted letter from the police and DMV on his refrigerator. Then he was not mad at ME - it was the police!! Good luck!!
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My dad ran off road. The highway patrol found him. Not long after that a letter came from the state of Wyoming telling him he had no license anymore till he could get a doctor to fill out form saying he was fit to drive. Dad was so sad when he got the letter but he never drove again.
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You can contact the DMV and notify them that he is unsafe to drive, citing the reasons you just stated here. They will then investigate and determine if he is, in fact, unsafe. Typically, this involves them calling him in and having him complete a full re-evaluation, including vision and driving test.
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I sent a letter to the bureau of motor vehicles and told them that my mother had been diagnosed with dementia, failed two simulated driving tests that the doctor gave her and she should not be driving. I asked them to contact her and at the very least bring her in for a driving test. They sent my mom a letter telling her that if she did not come into the BMV for a driving test by X date, that her license would be suspended. At that point, my mother did not even know how to get to the BMV and then forgot that she had even gotten the letter. I sold her car and that was that. Now let met tell you what that meant....I had to take her to the pharmacy, take her to the grocery, take her to her doctor appointments, etc. I lived a half hour away and worked full time and had my own family and house to take care of. Taking on her entire life and home just about killed me. I did it for several years before we moved her into assisted living.

It sounds like your father has no business driving. Contact a doctor or the BMV who can give him a simulated driving test to prove to him that it is dangerous for him to be on the road. Then you'll need to figure out who is going to take on those tasks for him that he would normally do for himself with a car.
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HI MJcaregiver23,

Addition to all the great info here. In your response to blue-eyed you mentioned not being able to contact the PCP because of HIPPA? It's not a violation of HIPPA for you to provide info to the physician. They may not respond since if you are not authorized on release of info. You can always give them info if you concerned about your LO. It may actually help the medical team to understand all the things that happen outside of the 15-20 minutes they see their patient. My mom was very convincing at the Dr's office. I began slipping the receptionist a note when we checked in and noticed the evaluations and line of questioning change once they had more information. Then I continued to update in this manner. The doctor continued to address my mom with his questions, knowing what the real answers were already. It allowed her to maintain some sense of autonomy. Granted, she was allowing me to go in to her appointments. My point is YOU can share info with the medical team. HIPPA protects your SD from them sharing with you if he hasn't approved.

This is a tough situation all the way around. This group always has wonderful suggestions and support. Best to you!
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fluffy1966 Mar 2023
I love your response! Sometimes (in past career) I would contact a doctor by FAX message and lead with "I know that you are unable to discuss this patient with me due to HIPPA regs, but there is critical information that I must place before you regarding Jim Smith: I would then proceed to share that the client has not fully shared info with you that might impact your treatment plan, . You, LRS123 have hit upon the method by which you 'slipped note' to receptionist. HIPPA keeps medical or psychological personnel from discussing the client WITH YOU, but does not keep you from placing information before their eyes.
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This was very easy for us in the state of Washington. My mother had a stroke that left her with no peripheral vision and memory loss. The doctor filled something out and her drivers license was revoked.

If I were you, I’d go straight to the doctor. There’s a form they fill out and turn it into the DMV.

Good luck!
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You can report to both the eye doctor and PCP without HIPPA either by letter or phone. State you are a "person of concern". Upon my son's request, I made a phone call to my daughter in law's PCP. The staff member typed in my report into her medical record. She was in the blackout phase of a bipolar episode when she was claiming depression. The blackout phase is when she has no recollection of her actions and is a dangerous phase for self harm. The PCP office called her in and was able to start medical therapy right away before the psychiatric referral. It has been 2 years that she is on medication without having the bipolar high.
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1. Disable the car to stop all driving now.

2. Get him evaluated by his doctor. Anonymously report him as an unsafe driver to the DMV.

3. This is going to be a very tough battle but tough love: take all car keys away from him NOW. In addition, remove the vehicle from an accessible area. Tell Dad the car is in the shop and just do not know when it will be available to use.

4. Discuss how dangerous it is to continue to drive and how much it will destroy this family financially and physically, cause severe injuries, perhaps lead to one or more deaths.

5. Finally, discuss alternate transportation plans, such as rideshare. He may be eligible for paratransit. With his sight conditions, does he use a white cane? There is also the guide dog as a useful option if able to use public transit.
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