My 84 year old mother blacked out at the wheel and crashed through my neighborhood fence. No one was hurt but she has now gone out and bought a new Mercedes so she can drive again. I am so against this and not sure what to do or say.
Why did your mother black out? I would research that. A friend I know had black out while driving and they couldn't find anything. About 1-2 years later, he had another blackout. Luckily, his wife was in the car and they went directly to the hospital where they found the beginnings of a heart attack and put in a pacemaker.
Unless your Mom was a poor driver before the blackout, I'm not sure I'd be worried. However, if she was a ticking time bomb of a poor driver, since traditional methods have failed, I would suggest you do the guilt trip. My brother would go and visit my Mom weekly and scrutinize the car. Then he would ask her how she got whatever it was that he saw. She had to account for every new scrape on her car. When she couldn't answer the question, he said "how do you know you didn't hit someone?" and "How do you know you didn't run over a child" and "how do you know you didn't run over someone's pet". Eventually she realized that she really didn't know how she got the scrapes on her car and she turned over her keys. If your Mom claims the blackout was due to low sugar or anything like that, then go with "what are you going to do better the next time you feel that way to make sure you don't injure or kill someone?"
I will tell you that once she turned over her keys, even though she rarely drove her car (I think she used less than a tank of gas in a year), her coordination and spatial skills went bad really fast. She stayed active by taking the bus, but there is something about driving a car, that requires the different parts of the brain to work together all at once and make decisions fast while driving the car.
So, I'd go with the guilt trip method if you really want her to give up her car. On the other hand, if she was a decent driver and the only reason why you want her to give up her car is because of her age or the fact that she blacked out, I think you need to figure out why she blacked out.
Disable car first. Then schedule a total physical for your mother, including a Cardio Check. You need to know the medical reason behind the blackouts: could be a seizure, could be low BP, could be Low blood sugar... Be firm. Tell Mom no driving, you are lucky you did not kill a child who was riding a bike on your fence crashing episode. Be firm...Get keys, or take off Distributor cap or other disabling methods. You will need starch in your backbone, but you will save a life. Find out WHY THE BLACKOUT....
Please get her a medical evaluation NOW. People do not just "black out" at any age. This needs to be treated before she starts driving again. If need be, take her to the ER.
Do not know what you mean about your comment. Where does it say her doctor should get her driving privileges back? Also, her boyfriend aided her to buy another car. He may be equally responsible for her actions should another accident happen.
Please reread what Linda said:
LindaM22 Jan 12, 2023 Thank you to everyone for the advice. I'm new to this site, so hope my answer will be seen by all.
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didn't file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
Perhaps I need to rephrase what I said earlier and do apologize.
Forget about including those texting drivers. Do you think Linda's mother is one of them?? Please let's just focus on one apparent unsafe driver who is Linda's mother, who has several medical problems, including cataracts. Needs to be evaluated by her doctor if an safe or unsafe driver. If she is at risk of future blackouts, this is what I perceive as an unsafe driver. Thank you.
Can you take both keys to her car without her know? That can buy you a little time. I would go to the police department and report the accident and let them know your concerns.
The car can be dis-engaged from starting. The car key can be changed to another key that won't open the car. The car door can be plugged up with something. AND THE POLICE DEPARTMENT needs to be notified as well as the DMV.
This never ever should have been allowed - her buying another car. Why / how did this happen?
Someone / family member needs to gain legal authority to manage aspects of her life, i.e. POA and manage medical/financial.
The DMV didn't revoke her license? You need to see about doing this asap. If she is not deemed (or tested) to be incompetent, this needs to be done yesterday. If she is considered competent, something still need to be done to avoid her killing another person and wrecking property.
PLEASE do not wait until she kills herself or others. You say you are against this although no information is provided as to her health / mental health / dementia, etc is mentioned nor who is responsible to care for her.
I hope you understand the urgency of this situation.
Unless your Mom was a poor driver before the blackout, I'm not sure I'd be worried. However, if she was a ticking time bomb of a poor driver, since traditional methods have failed, I would suggest you do the guilt trip. My brother would go and visit my Mom weekly and scrutinize the car. Then he would ask her how she got whatever it was that he saw. She had to account for every new scrape on her car. When she couldn't answer the question, he said "how do you know you didn't hit someone?" and "How do you know you didn't run over a child" and "how do you know you didn't run over someone's pet". Eventually she realized that she really didn't know how she got the scrapes on her car and she turned over her keys. If your Mom claims the blackout was due to low sugar or anything like that, then go with "what are you going to do better the next time you feel that way to make sure you don't injure or kill someone?"
I will tell you that once she turned over her keys, even though she rarely drove her car (I think she used less than a tank of gas in a year), her coordination and spatial skills went bad really fast. She stayed active by taking the bus, but there is something about driving a car, that requires the different parts of the brain to work together all at once and make decisions fast while driving the car.
So, I'd go with the guilt trip method if you really want her to give up her car. On the other hand, if she was a decent driver and the only reason why you want her to give up her car is because of her age or the fact that she blacked out, I think you need to figure out why she blacked out.
Be firm. Tell Mom no driving, you are lucky you did not kill a child who was riding a bike on your fence crashing episode. Be firm...Get keys, or take off Distributor cap or other disabling methods. You will need starch in your backbone, but you will save a life. Find out WHY THE BLACKOUT....
Do not know what you mean about your comment. Where does it say her doctor should get her driving privileges back? Also, her boyfriend aided her to buy another car. He may be equally responsible for her actions should another accident happen.
Please reread what Linda said:
LindaM22
Jan 12, 2023
Thank you to everyone for the advice. I'm new to this site, so hope my answer will be seen by all.
My mother lives in the neighborhood across the street. In this case she was visiting a friend in my neighborhood and crashed on her 1 mile home. She blamed the accident on having to go to the bathroom, then food poisoning then low blood pressure. We never found out the truth because she wouldnt go to the doctor to get checked out. She does have other medical issues, diabetes, low kidney function, high cholesterol, cataracts (that she denies but I heard the eye doctor tell her that), and she recovered from a sepsis 2 years ago!
The other problem with all this, is that I have a sister that refuses to acknowledge that this even happened. In fact, her boyfriend is a cop and he "assessed the scene" so he didn't file a police report. Now I understand that if he filed a report she could have lost her license which my sister was not going to let happen or she would have assist with taking care of my mom.
My mom also has an 82 year old boyfriend who took her to go buy the new car. Ironically, its the same car my sister drives so sure there was some influence in that decision.
I have stressed my thoughts and fears about her not driving to all family and friends but no one takes it seriously. They think its "great" that she is "independent" We are in Florida and the roads are packed with traffic and erratic drivers. This will not end well.
Perhaps I need to rephrase what I said earlier and do apologize.
Forget about including those texting drivers. Do you think Linda's mother is one of them?? Please let's just focus on one apparent unsafe driver who is Linda's mother, who has several medical problems, including cataracts. Needs to be evaluated by her doctor if an safe or unsafe driver. If she is at risk of future blackouts, this is what I perceive as an unsafe driver. Thank you.
The car key can be changed to another key that won't open the car.
The car door can be plugged up with something.
AND THE POLICE DEPARTMENT needs to be notified as well as the DMV.
Why / how did this happen?
Someone / family member needs to gain legal authority to manage aspects of her life, i.e. POA and manage medical/financial.
The DMV didn't revoke her license? You need to see about doing this asap.
If she is not deemed (or tested) to be incompetent, this needs to be done yesterday. If she is considered competent, something still need to be done to avoid her killing another person and wrecking property.
PLEASE do not wait until she kills herself or others.
You say you are against this although no information is provided as to her health / mental health / dementia, etc is mentioned nor who is responsible to care for her.
I hope you understand the urgency of this situation.