Well, Dad has aways had an anger issue but now my husband has stared yelling me. This morning I was going to address them together but I awoke with a migrane. Dad is still trying to run a 200 acre ranch with little success. When I do give into him and help him with a repair, he yells at me and blames me for all that goes wrong. Now I noticed that my retired husband as started losing his temper with me over little things. I took the week off of work to work around the house but every time I asked my husband, he has yelled at me. I have spent more time with lately and tried to seperate myself from my fathers affairs only to find myself in a simular situation with my husband. What do have to do? Tell them both at the same time or seperate to stop taking their frustrations out on me?
Once you state the consequence, be prepared for them to Not listen and still yet at you. Are you able to carry out the consequence? Useless if you cannot. It's called setting boundaries. And just like children, they will test the boundaries you set. And not just children..even employees test to see how far they can do before they get reprimanded by their supervisors. People will always test the parameters/rules set....Hope it works out for you.
I heard a story once where a child said to the teacher, "Please don't yell at me. I don't yell at you!" That was one startled teacher!
Rather than a "discussion", I recommend saying, "The next time you blame me and yell at me, I'm going home. (or walking away for 5 minutes.) I don't like it when you yell, and I won't put up with it."
"You can yell as much as you want to. I'm just not going to stay here and listen to it!"
Then follow through. People, especially men, hate being lectured or explained to. Just "tell it like it is." Good luck. Some people do seem to yell a lot.
Seperatly it is. Thanks for the support.
I think he is yelling at you because he is upset or worried or feeling that he's getting old, or even wishing you were a swimsuit model. You don't have to take it, but you can try asking him what's wrong. Unlike your father, he probably is more flexible and self-aware enough to answer.
"Honey, you are yelling at me a lot these days. Yesterday at dinner.... and again this morning when you said.... You didn't used to act like that. Is something wrong? Are you worried or not feeling well? I hate it when you yell at me. Do you know why you're doing it? We have another 30 years to get through together. I want for us to get along. Can we fix this?"
I bet he wants to be happier too. Maybe you two can find solutions.
dad needs some tonka trucks and an ant farm or some young men or women employees to operate his menagerie. i wouldnt be interested in agriculture regardless of the profits.
I'll report later the resultsnof tonights meeting of the minds.
God bless. 409 Ranch
Does anyone have any input to me sharing this information with Dad?
Did you approach your parent when you started suspecting these symptoms?
409 Ranch
What will your father say if you show him the list? I don't imagine it will go well. "What do you mean? I'm as smart as I ever was. I've forgotten more than you'll ever know!" (Direct quote from my daddy.) Did he have parents who went through a decline? Has he ever said "I would want to be told if I had cancer"? If so, he might possibly be able to accept facts.
It might be better if you focused on one or two specific areas where his problems are obvious, and discuss how to handle things so the problems won't cause trouble. If you can blame his eyesight, for example, and not his brain, he might agree to let someone with better vision help him decide what to do.
On this website, a man named David Hilfiker writes about learning that he has AD. It is so interesting to read how he reacts! But he's an unusual man.
Good luck to you, and keep telling us what's happening.
Someone asked if he had other family members that had the same or similar conditions, and yes, I believe his Mother had a form of dementia though I do not remember her ever to be diagnosed. I always thought it was alcohol induced and alcoholism is prominent in the family. We have talked about Alzheimer before. He said hoped he never got it because it is a horrible disease. Dad doesn’t want to be a burden, but he doesn’t see the danger he is putting himself in and others on the road when he’s driving or operating the farm equipment. He is very intelligent and reads all time. I am not only concerned about his immediate health, but I am concerned what is going to happen if he ever becomes completely dependent and require fulltime care.
409 Ranch
My advise to you if you haven't already is seek an Elder care Atty and make sure Dad's assets and medical wishes are in order. It will save you a lot of aggravation down the line.
Attack the symptoms without naming the disease.