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If rehab is recommended, take advantage of it. Medicare will pay 100% the first 20 days, 21st to 100 days only 50%. The balance will be private pay unless your secondary pays all or part of the balance. Not sure what happens if you voluntarily choose rehab.

"he chose to have a huge screen TV in the bedroom instead of me, so I moved out 5 years ago." Sorry, I had to laugh at this. 😁

Seems you have one spoiled husband. Mine does everything you mentioned but cook. He claims he can, just lets me do it.😊

You can hire someone to clean and mow the lawn. Really, how dirty can 2 people be? Take out?

I live in a 4 floor split level so I know where u are coming from.
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You already know what will be best for you. I think you want someone to tell you that your husband will change because of this surgery. If cancer did not "wake him up", I don't see that a foot surgery will make things any different.

I am sorry that I can"t tell you that your husband will help you, but the first 3 to 4 weeks after surgery of this kind are of extreme importance. Since you can very well speak for yourself, you should do OK in rehab. Choose carefully which one to go to though.

BTW yesterday I reached the age of 2,114,467,200 seconds and each day adds another 86,400 seconds. You are not suddenly a year older but 86,400 seconds, 1,440 minutes, 24 hours, or 1 day older.
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Happy Birthday for Friday 😃

An Irish quote;
"You are not as young as you used to be but not as old as you are going to be".
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Get your emotional support where you already do, friends, kids, community. Us 😍🤗

In the Rebab vs Home debate.. hmm

Medical care but no familiarity vs Familiarity but no medical care.

For the bedridden stage sounds like Rehab will win, but once safely able to do stairs Home may be ok IF you can get everything delivered & provided (meal delivery, housekeeping, in-home physio). Maybe by collecting your team, this could be a trial of sorts to use if either of you is out of action in the future?

It sounds like a lot of work... so it depends which is the lesser evil for you.. Rehab: fitting in & putting up vs Home: but not as you want it.

Which scenario would be more restorative?
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Go to rehab, and let H fend for himself while you are in rehab. Don't give him a care -- it's pretty obvious he doesn't care about you from all you've written in the past.
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Mid, why would you want to go home to a situation that is stressful and will not be good for your recovery. Hubs will have to fend for himself while you get the care that you will need to recover. You will need your strength to return home to all the chores that will be there on your return, if you decide to return. Go to rehab.
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MidKid, what about the women in your local ward?   If I recall, you live in Mormon country, and I'm assuming that you have home teachers, with wives.   In my limited experience, they WANT to help and consider it a blessing to be able to do so.

My father got so much support, and frequentlythey even responded to my calls for help, for Dad,  and I'm not in the church.

The rehab atmosphere won't be like that at home, but perhaps that's just as well as you won't be bothered by your husband when he wants attention  (I'm not being snide or cruel, just remembering the threads and posts in which you describe his reactions and lack of cooperation).

Wouldn't it be nice to have breakfast in bed?
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Midkid58 Jul 2021
Definitely deep into Mormon Country and all I need to do is make ONE call and I will have daily care from the sisters in my ward. I have certainly done hundreds of meals and cleaning and babysitting in the 44 years living here!! Service is huge in a Mormon community (and if you don't know that you are being wathced over by your Mormon neighbors--well, you are--and I hope they're doing a good job!) Def a possibility--I have NEVER requested meals, but am going to if I don't go to rehab. As far as cleaning---it's like when I'd have a baby and my mother would deign me with her presence for 4 hours one day and always say "I can't clean a clean house". as there are just the 2 of us, cleaning is not my biggest worry.

My next door neighbor fed me, body and soul for 18 months. 3 meals a week and desserts and treats. She knew that DH just..can't. She'd do it again.

I have 2 daughters who have said "Just come stay with us" and I very well might do that. Already the 3 daughters living here have each chosen a day to come clean and prep meals. That's a possibility.

Mostly my concerns are that DH will accept travel assignments and leave me alone (but in that case, I'd have the teen granddaughters down!) or that he will ignore my needs during the night and sleep through everything.

I need to check into whether I even qualify for rehab. I may not. DH was in the hospital recently (April) and they never figured out what was wrong, sent him home sick and I have been caring for him since. Rehab was BEGGED FOR by me, and laughed off, b/c I look healthy and strong.

I see my ankle/foor surgeon next week and we will talk, seriously about this.

And thank you for the thought about practicing' on the scooter. My granddaughter got a random bunch of Durable Medical Equipment for her 8th birthday, and a scooter is one of the things she got. She will let me borrow it :) (Yea,. she's a weirdo). I also have to practice crutches--ugh.

Thanks for just being there, listenting. I will be honest that I am TERRIFIED as this foot has hurt for 4 years. FOUR. YEARS. And my dh has teased me about walking funny and walking slowly for that whole length of time.

I am praying, desperately, that this surgery fixes it all and I can leave his sorry butt in the dust.

You guys are the best!
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My 66 YO SIL had a catastrophic fall over Easter weekend. Fell down a flight of concrete basement steps, broke her wrist, fractured 3 ribs, had a concussion. Spent 2 days in the hospital. As soon as I heard about it, I told hubby "she needs to go straight to rehab out of the hospital." Like you, lots of steps in the house. Plus, my SIL would never, ever have been able to sit still and not do all the "little things" around the house that always, always need to get done. She so didn't want to go to rehab, but fortunately we were able to talk her into it; once she was home, she acknowledged it was what she needed before she could even think about coming home.

I get the temptation to want to come home. It's familiar territory. It's home! But will you be able to keep off that foot while you're re-habbing and the "little things" that need to get done are piling up in front of your eyes? If it were me, I think I would have to err on the side of caution and do the rehab thing. I don't think I could keep off my feet; after all, it's "just folding laundry; just prepping for meals; just a little dusting" etc. I'm sure that I would overdo it at home and end up worse for wear.

Take this time to rehab properly, Mid. If you're going to go through all the pain of an operation, don't make it all in vain because you head home too soon. One wrong step or turn and all that work might end up being for nothing. Even if your husband was a gem and you *could* trust him to seamlessly pick up where you leave off, it's still better to be with the professionals who can walk you through recovery. Let them "teach" you about how to maneuver with that boot and that scooter. Come home once you're confident that you can do it safely and in such a manner that you can heal completely.

I would also think about hiring some help to come in once you're home to give you a hand with things, because I doubt very much if you'll be 100% once rehab discharges you. Do you know if there's any sort of pre-physical therapy you can do to make recovery easier/quicker?

Prayers for a successful surgery and a quick recovery!!
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I am 79 and my husband is 80. While I would not "look forward" to rehab I would try to buy as much time as I am able there. I would also think of hiring some folks to come into my home for a while, to help both hubby and me. Some average about 30.00 a week with minimum of 4 hours a week 3 days a week, and will even help with meals and lunch. I frankly would be afraid of the scooter. I have a friend who needs foot surgery who was told by doc that due to hip and knee issues the scooter she would need for 6-8 weeks not an option for her. Get as much help as you are able and take advantage of as much help as you can get.
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You have already been there done that, I don't get why you keep fantasizing that your husband will suddenly do what he has never done before. Sure you can skip rehab BUT you can't count on him to be the one to make that possible, to make it work you'd need to figure out a (realistic) plan C.
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You already know the answer to your question without any of us having to answer it, but I will go ahead and answer it anyway. Of course you will need to go directly to a rehab facility, so you will receive the proper care you need and deserve. After putting up with this pain for over 4 years, why would you want to do anything to jeopardize your recovery?
Unfortunately your husband is not equipped to be a caregiver of any kind, so do yourself(and him) a favor and call the rehab facility today. I hope you also have the appropriate paperwork in place for when you get older, and need any type of care, since you already know that you can't depend on him. It's best to get your ducks in a row now.
I hope and pray that everything goes well with your surgery, and don't be in a hurry to leave rehab and go home. Let them do their job and take good care of you.
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Mid, I'm with CX.

Alternatively, do any of your kids live in a one level home? Could you go there and hire help?

Having read your posts over the years, I think I would look at this as a trial separation...sort of "Independence Day" for you.

You have retirement money saved; this is the time to use it for the best, most restful care possible

Happy birthday in advance!
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Mid,
I am married to someone with mental illness.

I have had surgeries, and man, did I hear about all he had to do later. He did my list of chores for one week, then handed it back to me. Had no idea that he needed to start at the top and do them all again. I gave up. It wasn’t worth the hassle. That example was the least awful of all he did.

I would go into a rehab, if I were facing what you’re facing.

My friend went to a gorgeous rehab years ago. It was run by a private religious organization, of which she did not belong. I walked in there, and it smelled like yummy chicken soup.

Maybe you can shop around, and find one that suits your fancy?

Praying for you.
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